Home-made Ice Cream

Urown Uves in ülmira. JHo coneeived the idea of saving money by manufacturïng bis ice cream at home, and his wife seconded the motion. Mrs. Brown got the cream, Brown got the ice, and in the evening the cream meeting was to take place. A wooUen pail and a tin pail served for a freezer, thb latter being plaoed inside the freezer and surrounded with ice. The ingrediente were ono pint of cream, two eggs and some van illa extract. Brown shook it and Mrs. Brown stirred it for half an hour, then they gave it a three minutes' rest to freeze. Then Brown shook it again and Mrs. Brown stirred it and tasted it to see if it was freezing. The shaking, stirring and tasting were repeated every five minutes for the next two hours, and then it began to get cold. Brown got excited and the tin pail flew arouud like a buzz saw. Mrs. Brown set the lamp on the floor and takr'g a look at the cream exclanned, Brown, ifs froezing," which so excited Brown tliat he jumped four feet into the air and, coming down, lit on one side of the wooden pale, upset the ice, water and cream, which filled the legs of his pants, as he lay in a close embrace with the kitchen carpet, and froze him as stiff as a luumniy. Mrs. Brown sprang for the lamp, knocked the chimney off, and the thousand and one frugments mingled with Brown 's auburn locks. The neighbors carne running in froni all quarters, attracttd by the unusual racket. Brown was rolled up in several woolen blankets and thawed out, and when consciousness returned he exclaiuied in feeble tones, Jttrs. Brown ïsittrozer The situation wns explained to hini, and now, after a caieiul calulation, he thinks it's cheaper to buy your ice cream at iifty etnts a quart than to uiake it yoursulf. Piano and Hearse.- A Roman Catholic bishop of NewfoumUand had a piano of whioh he wished to dispose, and which a friend, a protestant doctor, dosired to purchase. Considerable chaiFeiing enaued before tho bargain was consummated, and the doctor finally secured the instrument at b. price which the bishop declared ruinously low. The only vehicle in town which would accoiamodate the piand when the time carne for its delivery was the hearse ; and in this it was accord ingly driven to the doctor's door. Down came the doctorin high dudgeon. "Why on earth," he asked, "did you act thus ridiculously, and send ray piano home in the hearse r"' The bishop's eyes twinkled as he remenibered thoir hard bargain, and he answered, " Oh, because it was such a dead bargain !"