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How Zach Chandler Had A Baby

How Zach Chandler Had A Baby image
Parent Issue
Day
13
Month
March
Year
1874
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

The Washington Capital tells this bit of gossip about our Zachariah : As the delegated stupidity known as Congrens gathers in, the social lite ot' the national capital exhibits signs ot returning animation. Tho avenue upon a suim y afternoon is thronged, espeoially after three o'clock, wben the departments are emptied and their pretty iittle officials hasten down for a breath of fresh nir and a view of tha fasbions. As each Iittle female official wears a, carriagfi dress that sweeps the dirty sidewalk with a. lengthened train, they raise any quantity of dust, and iu that resemble an angel in clouds. Tho clouds are not of the cleanliest, and the cynical spectator has his own thoughts about the ioiled underclothing that must accompany the prouess. They realizo in this, however, the poet's description of huraanity that says " half angels and half earth." If the dear cieatures would only keep the balanco and givo us half wed be content. And then they justify their piouspredictiou, " Dust thou art, and unto dust shaltthou return," every afternoon at three o'clock precisely. By the bye, speaking of roturning Congressinen, rather a good story has beon telpgraphed of a new member who arrived with his family, consisting of wife, five childreu and nurse. The economical M. C. packed his family in one hack at nine r. M. and drove to Willard's. They had been cai riding for many nights and days, and were in contiequenco excoedingly fatigued. Arriving at Willard's they paid the hackman, ordered their trunks off and trudged wearily, half asleep, into that famous caravansary. The husband, wife and four children were escortod into the upper room, after which, elevated by the coffeo and the elevator, they were carried beyond the jurisdiction of tho Board of Public Works to rooms under tho roof. - We wieh to explain hero that as one gets nearer heaven he gets further froni tho board that excavates only and is not odorless okher. When the good lady entert'd her bedroom she eucountered the nurse, and both exclaimed : " Whero's Bobby ?" " Why miss," said the nurse, ' I thought you had him." -Nancy,'" scre&med the Mis. M C, " didn't you fetch him in V" " No, mum, I had the three carpet-sacks, the cloaks, baby's clothes, and I thought you had him." Now Bobby was the baby, and the frightful discovery was made that the baby had been left in the hack. There was a frantio rush for the elevator and tho stairs. The insano M. C. tried to burst open the door so as to precipítate himself down the well. He then pulled away at the bell until he broke it, then shouting " fire " rushed down after his wife and four children, who, by this time, were in the clerk's office, trying to make the corpulent and amiablo Mr. Bagley understand the horrible situation. Souie one suggested the telegraph, and all the pólice stations were advised of this loss of Congressioual infancy. But the worst part of it was that the crazy representativo could not recollect the nunibor of the hack, and hacks are not remarkable for their ready return of lost pareéis. Wo never had but one sent us, and that was a volume of the President's message with accompanying documents. In the meantime the unhappy husband made short excursión iuto the neighborhood. He hurried through the hack on the hack-stand and had all the retired convicta who drivo those vehicles volunteer to go and search for the lost child for two and a half an hour. Each one was ready to make affidavit that he knew the hack, and one Irishman, who ought to have been hung long years ago, swore that he heard the child cry as the hack drove by. From the hack stand the husband hurried to Newspaper Row and stirred up the Bohemians to the highest pitch of exoitement by his talo of woe. The corpulent Ramsdell sat down and wept ; Adains blew his nose, while Boynton philosophically remarked that the loss of a baby was somebody's gain, and Preston added that it was a losseasily repaired ; and so the night woro on. What became of that hack, with its precious Iittle burden, is the mostinteresting part of the narrative. It seems that our Ad friend Zach Chandler, thegreat Michigander, who goes mooning about at all sorts of late hours.found himself on Fourand-a-half sireet in such a state of absentmindedness that he couldn't teil where ie was or where ho ought to be. In these emergencies he instiuctively calis a hack. All the hackmen in town kuow the great Michigander, and, entirely regardless of what he orders or says, they invariably drive him home, stopping at all the sample-rooms and bars on the way. On this occasion he hailed a hack, andgetting in, said as he did so : " Takeme'omedamyou." Sitting down upon the back seat he was startled by a wild cry that almost sobered him. This will sound like exaggeration, but it's a fact. It came very near being a oase of spoiled child, for old Zach had hinged two hundred pounds of Senatorial beef and whisky on the lost child of the lower house. He started up with such violence that his head e-truek the top of the hack, nearly bouncing the driver off his seat, more, however, with astonishment than jolt Old Zach resolved himself into an investigation committee, and sittkig down on the front seat feit round. He eathered up the child, and for a minute sat turning the situation over in his gigantic intellect, then sticking his head out of the window he shouted with that voice which has made the British lion tremble : "Drivergo'omequick - I've-got-a-baby." As the infant continued screaming, the driver had no doubts as to the truth of this startling revelation, and so he tore along the street at a frightful rate, considering that his team consisted of one vicious kicker and one runaway. Pulling up at tho palatial mansión, tho great Michigander tumbled out and rushed in with tho child in his anus. Presenting it to the astonished Mrs. Chandler, he said : " Moststrornary"fair - sot-down baby on-hack. Going-to-dopt-him." The good lady did not receivo the newcomer with the same enthusiasm, but sent for a policeman, not to arrest the Senator, but to remove the encumbrance. - Through this means the poor Iittle waif w.as returned to its frantic parents. We are happy to say that both Chandler and baby are as well as could be expected. Gail Hamilton is a great believer in pedigreo. A child, sho thinks, is a sort of mosaic, made up of the traits of his ancestors. " He gets, for instance, brightness from his mother, deception from his father, a furious temper from his unele, self-restraint from his aunt, etc." An Ohio farmer suggests that the granges set themselves about introdueing tho English sparrow for the protection of fruit growers. The sparrows breed fist and eat a good deal. A pair of sparrows having a family to bring up will consume over three thousand caterpillars a weok. Horses that have boen idlo during the winter, and feeding on hay and cornstalks, should now be fed with grain to prepare them for the spring work. (Jommence on small feeds, and incroase it gradually.

Article

Subjects
Old News
Michigan Argus