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Miscellany: Starting Right; Or, A Month After Marriage

Miscellany: Starting Right; Or, A Month After Marriage image
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"Bcforo the tying of tlic liuptial knot, Lovers may foiidly Bpeculnle o lo ce, And dreuin that ii mny languish r.ou nordic. But when tlic noosc is fastened.soon they Icani That they are placed upon thoir good bdiavior, For all the balance ol life'a l:ulo d;iy." The day beíore her bridal Mira Mason's iho'ts wcrc oceupied ns ull young ladics' thoughts are under stich circutnstanccs, ín most delightíul spoculaiions. She was very cciinin that sho knew her own heart, and she felt 6Qtisfied that uhe wassufficicntiy nequainted with Francis VVnlton'e to trust her happinetss íor life to hb kceping. Sho moved gnily about the house, humming ditties bIio was aecuetomed to play upon her guilar and pinno, and she eeemed to be as liglu liearted a a bird llitting from bough to bough, andingits'wood notes wild' to its nativo forest Mra. Halstcad, her aunt, required her attendance in her rooin for the purpose oí súitiñg her taetc in the rc-arrangement of the wax flowers for her hair, which the millincr had sent. and wliich Mira was so much dissatisfied wtth tliat she liad detennined not to use thom. Tliey had been returnod twice to the millincr, for iniprovenient, and atiU they ijid not plea6c; nnd Mrs. Halstend had concludcd to nrrange them herself, under Mira'o immediate inspection. Tlie oíd lady liad called her in hslf a dozen times, and she had as often escoped from the apartment to indulge her fancios unobserved, and to fly about the house and sing as sho pleased. The oíd ady at length 8'.ruck upon an expedient which wos not only crtectual in ber deteniion ather 8dc,but which alBt caused ibo inciden1- to be observed which aredcvolopcl in thia ekcich. She ihc subjee upon whicti Mira'a thoughú werc occupicd, anc. when Tor the sevenili time she succeeded n Imv ing her ecaiccl in hui presence, shc cotnqicnccH o conversation upon the duiics nnd plcaures of a niarned fifc. The topic was suïKcieiitly attractivc, ánd Mira was enhaneed by the interest il invol vod. ' Mira,' snid Aïra. Halatoad, 'lmvc you ony nJüa what it is thut constantes the happlaéss of niariicd people?" ' Ilnvo I any idea?' returiicd Mira, with nn air of earcastic indiifercnce which scemcd to pvince her consciotisncss of boing fully posted upon the subject. 'Have I any ideal Now, what n question aunt, to ask me at this period of my life.' I hope I have n'n pea of what i t is thut conctt tutes the happincss of niarricd people ! - If I hadn't ma'am you niay I)cassured thttt you would not find my neck so Mear the halter. It consista in luve, my dear nunt, and I nm eure it dors not lako an adept in the experience of sueh muiters to teil thrit.' As Mira spokc shc lookcd into her nunt's rnco wiih un expression of triuinph u'p'on lier countcnance, and as tHöugh stie would dure n reply to a truth wliieh shcconccived to be so well and so nptly epoken. Mra. llalatead was arnuscd at the prompt nnswer sho gave lo her question. oud at the cqnfid'ent mqnnerin which it was spoken, and emiing an approval to ihe complimont which Mini had tnkcitro herself, slic s.iid : 'Bul simposn lovo ohould bc iiuorrupted in its conrsc, ihen ?'in, stie replied, -biit loc must not bc inicrnijited in i(s course ; t must go on, and on. nnd t must continuo to incrcasc in strcntli and ardor.' 'And liow wonld you net, Miin.' nsUed her aunt, 'so s to efli-ct its unlntcrruptcd continu - anee aniid the ups and downs of ihiscvcr chati"ing lifc Í ' 'Start ri&lit. nnd keep light,' replied Mira. willí a tors of her head. whicli indiented lier contïdencc npon ihc subject. And if this 3 done.' 8ho continucd. 'the course of the loving couplc will bc es sniooth and uninierruptcd ns tho flö'w of o poaceful river.' 'Tlmis very trtte, Mira, rcttirned Mrs. Ha1stcad. Ynu are correct so far; ïf you start rigbt upoh the sea of niatrimony, nnd keep right you will lm snfe enoiigh. And that risht start my ohilil ! that is a i;ioít imponnnt matter; and for Uto want of it, inu!tilndcs havo cnibaiked upon ihe 8l;i to be shipwrecked. Uut teil me Mira huw i!o ijtm intend to start 1' 'AS'hy annt.' said Mira, aficr n moment tlioiiglu, I have not uiven niuch ttontion to th matter, l do not regard it as n subject requirin iiuich rcfleciion. Evoy worrïnn knows how t net wlic slie is married. Il' shu does not, sh oiiL'ht not to yct tnarricd. Tliat's my opio on.' 'Ah. ."Mira, my doar,' replied lier num.thou;h fully, 'it is thut iliingof gettiny mniried tluitoi cupies tho tliouyhis of ybung pcple. to tlic ex elusion oï the dudes and responsibilities connect oij wiili it. Ju thut one considetation alrnost ev ery oilior iüiost, nnd those who are loükiug lor wara to niatrinioiiy imagine that hnppinnss como naturaily to married peqple. Uut that is n grea mistakc, and oltc a vc.y one. It is th mistakc that causes most of the diüerences an disputes, and of eöufse mos' oí the wrotchcd ness of tliOMj who .ught lo bc the hnppiust folk n t'Iiu woild. You will hnve more to do, Mira ihnn io get married in order to bo ünppjr.' 'VVhy, what do you inean, annt,' c.xclaiincd Miia, aller li-ten:ng wiih surprise and iiiij).iticnco to lier re;naiks. J do not and cannot uiulfrs-and you. I cannot teil whether yo mean toimiioraie iiiitnmony. oï wlieihcr I ;iin to bc lieve liat you, who Ime heen twii'o man ietf liitvc less correct noiions of the marricd slato ili.u l have wlio have oot lo.ii marricd al all, and oiilj hope to bc so soou. Why, I erm m!l you ilic reuson n a niomcnt wliy 30111c pooplcaro unbnn py whún thoy arp manie-d. It is bccautc ihrj aro 1101 congenial to one anothcr. Tlicrc are toi mriiiy had tnntclios, .-tuut, and that s tho reasoi why so im.oh w-ro;thqdnea9 c.mícb ainong tlu ni.uricd. Ji tho maichcs wero goofi, nud l!i panii ■.- cuiigcnial, ilicy would always lic happy Xow, is not tint as truc as siinliülit 7 ' 'Y.m may iliink so, Alna.' Baidher aunt, 'bu thougli you are 011 tho eve of nmrriagc, you know vcry litilc about it. aud you havo imicli to kan ii relation to its (.bligations. Uut. .Mira. I wan you in teil me al! nbout your 'jrigbi start.' nm kcciiiug riyht, and wlien I hear whnt you linvt to eay nhout (hese matter, I may teil you who my e.icriencc luis tauglii roo, and it may bc uselul to you n the Iife oí' untried experiment bcfürfl you.' 'I 11 teil you that ina'am, in a moment,' sak Mirn, in lier usunl confident styiu of expression. 'Í know it, aunt, jus( os wcll as if I had etudi;d ital school, although it has nc-ver occupied ioy thenighfd a minute. I know a by a kind of i11iuiih.11. h, ihofójjt placel incauto love m hiis!)aii(i. and ihcn J know tlut he will lovc nis, .indü that's dono all's dono, ai.ii we'ïigp riglit lorward in n straight lino as fiijipy as the dny,- Andif Í aai ribt s:i'.islk'd and then, why shall dospair of being 8o in this world. fij the socond place, 1 slinll do every tliingin my power to pícase my lapland. and I au. tertain that I shall do it; and am sure if I picase hun thnt he will try to picase me. And if 1 pl.-aso liim and hc picases me, why it will bp cnouh. So that polnt's settlcd. And in the i'hird plncc, J'll makc my husband respect me, byshowing him tïini I have a proper and bccoming respect for myself. l'll preserve my ïndepcndenco andnity oí diameter beforo liim it all times; and heseca Í om wortliy of liis afTcciion, I om confident I shall havo it. And it is this third part, mint, ikat I regard ns the most import;int of all. Gentlemen love and admire índepnedence of spirit and a dignified carriage. I know it ior I have hcard (hom say so. They are qualiiios whieh any onc might know would ntitr.iet and picase a man of intelligcnce. They will picase Fruncís, that I know very well. And secin? niy proud, dignified and unbending couree.. hc'll look pon me as a treasarc. and in iiis attt-ntions eeured by theso ineans I ahall bo most happy.- And how can he help being happy when he pees me so? Uc can't help it, aunt! No honorable high niinded man could hclpbcing plcased with a wifc under such circumstancea. Now my dear nunt, I've told you my sentiments upon this jreat and mystorious subject of matrmonial hap pinefs, and I a&k you to confess if I have not hit juit as wcll as it I hai been twice raairied.'Mrs. Ualstead listcucd with attcntion to the detail of Mira'a opinions ipon the nteresting thenieofmatrimony; aml slic wjs not surpriscd to Icnrn that 6hc entortained n.nny of the errors wliich are indulged by young ladics gcncrally upon the subject. Laying lier arm aflectionateIy upon Mira's r.cck, she sai J : 'My dear girl, I am glad that Í havo broüijht you out in the dcclarntion of your view; it WÍ1I aflord me ihe opportuniiy of confírming you in those in which I think you to be riht, nnd of corratáitg you in oihera in which I ktiow you to lic wrong.' 'O, mmt!' e.xclaimod Mini. nsshe bluehcd until her chocks werc like sc.irlot. 'You'vo bveu jesting with me, and 1 have been 80 free in cxprossing mysclf. But you cannot gainsny my 6cntimcnt8. Uut, aunt, I supposo I may now expect a long lecturo. Go on, then! ]'ni vcry teachnblc you know, and I do renlly want tobe ïisiruotod. If lam wrong, and you cominee nc of it, I'il Lvc tip.' 'Wcll, my denr,' replied her aunt, ns you ïavc chnllcngcd me to the task, sit siill and lison, and I will teil you what my experipnee in wo mnrringes lias taught me. Whcn I think onr opinión, as you have c.vpressed it, is riglit. will encourase you to reiain and prnciiscit, nd Í will endcavor to show you whercin your norconsists. You are rtght in what yon 'cali our lirst point. That the happiness of ninniod copie dependa mainly upon their love for eacli ther, there can bc no doubt. 1 believc that ou 8incerely lovc your inicnded husbnml, andthat ho loves you, and tlicrc ie no qucstion but thnt you will continue to lovc ench other. Bnt, for all that, you must not c.xpcct that you will bo ablc to go straight forward, nnd bc as happy ns the day. Mariy liftte mattere will tntorrüpl your coursc and provokc inonieniary uncasiness, und your study must bo to niakc tbo mtcrhiptiojn l.ut moincntary. Trials will arise. and crosses w 11 froublc you,but you must mako it your business to get them out of the w iy ns soon as possiblc. Husbands and wivcs cannot alwaya understand flach other'8 thoughts ühtil they are expressed ; and if a misnppichension occurs, let but little time pass bcore it io set right. If your hus!)and is at any time fretteel by your action. and rctaliatce upon you in reproof, or by indiflerent treatment, kiudly nek thcadjustinentof the difikuliy. and if you feel thnt you have done the wrong, comcoutat once witli the confession ■ mako all suitable subinission. Anil tlio sooncr tliia is done the better; (or then the dirTofence will be thosooncreetlleJ. Yon are riyht in yoursecond poiMt. to do overy thing yon can to picase your husband. Kut you must not o.vpccl thai he will olwaj-8 be pleascd. Sotnetimes cvcniour most especial cllbrt may faii to accomplish tho object. It may bo that the very thing that oiight to pleaso him. from some unknown circumsianco may have just tho oppsho eflect.- Tiiis will sometimes rosult from a d ffjience of' laste, whicli must nceessarily exist in many minor matters, even in the most congenial mindá. What will pleascyou. will not olwoys picase yonr husband. It may in general picase him to sec you p!ea8ed, but it may, and without doubt, will Happen that something that will afi'ord yoti gratilication, wül have au oppoiite tftjet npon him. On thia point, Mira, however nnich you may (hink you ïcceive your impressions in lovc by inluition, yourmind will have to be e.terciscd in study. And when you have stutlied, and alter you havo done your besl lo pifase and ftiil. and aro disappointcd, refrain fr-)m pouting and looking angry, nnd ct over your unjdeasant ieelings as (juickly as may be. Meet you liusbáñd wi'h a chuerful binilo, even if you strugglo to keep down some opposiiig fecling to ilo it. YourClieeriulnees wil l do mufeh lor (lie nccompli-hmeiit of your purposc, and will frequcnily rcmovo tlic clouil from your huslmnd's brow, and causo hiiu to t:ike pleufcurë in what afiörds y nu gmiilicniion, even f hisown inste and incliuntion do not toad liim lo iis uiijoynicíit. And now my dcar Mira, do not bo ofll-ridèd ( I toll you th'aVupon your third joint jou aro utrcrlv ;iiid altogctlicr mistaken. You moy be digmfied, and rcserved, and independent, and all thai, to nn y one e-lse, but you must not bc so to your liusland. Indcpendcnce ia n iliing v Inch siiotild bo unknowii bot ween man nnd wiie, Thcy are reolly dopende nt upon cacli oiher, - dependent in the stronyest eenso of the term,- depcndcni in evcry thing, and in cvery way. Deptndencc is their mutual trust, (lie capital upon whicli tliey dr.iw lor tlitir aflcction. „And that dependence must be confes3ed. It must be acted upon. h must beseen. It must bo feit. lt must always be seen- always feit. No sensible wifo would trent with conlempt the husband vho3c dependence upon her for hapjiincss was seen oud ackuowledgcd. And no man that deserves to bc calted a man, wouldi.-nposc upon thowife whosc all oí hopo for tho joy which this world afToids ia centred in himsclf. Where the t'ependence is mutual, Mira, tberc must be mutual conlidence and mutual peace. And on this third poiuf, my doar, if I undersland you. you secm to tlnnk the dependenre of tl.e mnrrtago Btation a ihing that contravenes tho high 'respect which the partica should entertain for each othcr. 'i'hii is not so. On tho contrary, in tha dependonce of tho oiu upon theo:her; is the respect of both een. Let me bc particular on this point. Ii is the rock, Mira, on which the happitlMe of thousands has been shipwrecked. Manyned persons have niüsl inprupcrly imagmed that it ia nccessary at tunes, atltl undcr certain circniiistance8, to show thcir indcpcuduncc. And it lina happened that they have endeavored to let cacli oihcr seo nnd feel tliat thcir services and society cu be dispeusud wiili. Sonic have studicd liow to practico this indiflerenco. And ihey have praciised it but too successfully. It has ripened mto disretspcer, and wreichedness lias followcd. Often Jias it occurred th;it somc mere trifle lias givcn oflencc, and the ofiendcd pany has shown rescntnnnt in that independent manner which yol, s0 mitcIl ailu]rCr and whicll t somc relations yu deern eo nccessary , the JMöntraont has been euccecded by a settled in'iillereiicc for lovrrs resem but to relapso into a Bcltlcd coolncus. And when the injured party has shon-n retiatance in ihe return of üko trt-atnient, both have been rendcred miscruble. In such instances. ncithcr party ia wng t0 8ub_ mu to the humillación which is required in thcir mutual concession. O, how many days, and weeks, and momhs of bitterncss have been passcd in this way! And how often has such behavior Inid the foundation of labtiny rhslike ! - And atrange as it may eeem, the one that bcgins ehe injury, s the Jast to give up. h seema a Uthccon9cou8nessuf having duno tlio wrong ex citos tlio feeling of con t crup t n ihc individua and impcls a continuad rcsistanco. 'Wliilo con science stings the guilty ono o the soul, lio is nn wilüti' to ncknowícilgc tlio impropriety. bce;ut it futens liis gnilt uj)Qn hmi, and humbks iiin h lus own oyes. Remcmber, Miía. ihat di tirst tii iiíl'iul 18 ilinost :i!ways the Innt to forgivc and do your utmost no( to offend yoursclf, an to prevent the hus'm.ul whom you lovc (rom do íng so. Against this notion of yourd, that inde penaehee should Honictitncs be practised by you my dcir girl, I vvould most nílVction.-ituly wari yon. ] ain tlio moro imxious to cuution yoi ayainst ít, hccaupc yon 6eem to regard it as tlie most important of the points upon wliicl yot hnvo totichcd. You deern tliat ndcfndeficc and spirit in n wotnan. and c.xhibited tosvards hor liusband, vill !.e captivaiing in his eyes. Ncvcr wasany thinjj more falso. Ncvcr wns any thiii mure deceptivc. Tho independente you would lovc to practisc isbut o sliade below indifTercncc, and in the hu.slmnd it crutlty ; in tlio wifethe grratcst f..!ly that enn bo conccived. Tlio mari ied are to take cacli otlier i'or weul or wo. Thev should nlyvay 9 bo willing to lic atenah ptber's feet, and to unbnsom thcmselvc3 to onc nnothur in alt the freedom of an nrtlcss conlidencc, in all the oinccrity of n devoted trust. Uut, let me aay, my dear, that it is not ueccssaiy that the world should know hcrw much a wib is dependent upou hir hu-band : or a hus'.iand upon hi.-j m(c fortho enjoyment of life'a;; l.tu ihey slwuld ItnOMr t ihoinselvea, and fcel it. and pructLse upon ie coruinuaüy. And now, Mira, wliile I am spenking on the subject, I will add a worl or so upun the tovo in wLicli, you rightly .-y, consists the happincss of tliosc who ore unitedin niatriinony. It is in mutual confidcnco Uut this love is lo bc perpetuated. Continue tli.itlcncc and the lovc is contiriued ; itnpair it, and tlio lovc is impuireJ ; djyiroy it, and ilie lovc censos. Novor eay ihc lightest word nor do ilic sliglitcst ilimft tlmt would causa your hushand to suspect you of even tho most iriílin indiscrelion. Conccnl nothing fiom him. L'rucliso no reservo wlmtcvcr, nud you will rctain his lovo nnd bc happy. Act the contrary part nnd you will cause him lo distrust you. Disirusting, hc will pise you ; and despising you. you nrc undono. - Now, I think, my duar ftlirn.ifyou follow tny dtrectioii3 ns well ds you have paiiently listenod to tlictn, you may be thankful tlint you liave.-in ouni who is nnxjous that you ehould bo guided by ihc light of her e.xpcrinncc. And in nftcr yenrs, as you return in ihought to thin hour, you may rojuicc iliat you gave mo tlio oppununity of correctjng your errará, nnd warning you ngáinst their praetiao. I know ibac what [ Iiave öaid is truc, i.nd I liopoyou may find my cdvicesaluiary, andcjcpcrionco lasting good in testing it tliruu-h lile.' (Cvncluded nczt iccdc)