A Connectk'ut man will break a clove jn two to make weight. A little boy's fírstpairof trousers always lit if tlie poekets aro deep enough. A tabrot is said to live 200 years. Barbera do not live to be that age, but f hey talk more. Tlti? Chicago baby-show was not an utter failure. It sueceeded in making 700 mothers mad at all mankind. Nobody knows to this day what a time Noah liad of itinthe ark with the antediluvian auceetor of the present Kentuoky mulo. We can gcnerally teil what a man's going to do next when he puts the I lighted end of a oiga into his ïnonth by i mistnke. Oawfoknia pauthors now crawl into hollow log to escape the pursnit of Cnliforniii pfirls. Wlierc eau California men go '. Littlk Johnnie is quite sure the picture of a Spitz dog he drew on the parlor wall was good, because it made his fatlw-r mad. "Yod cali that a tniuk, do you?" j growled a dejected hotel pox-ter. " It ouly needs a lightning-conductor to make it look like a boarding-house." An exchange says it is thought that the time will yet come when members of j the choir will be expected to behave j during divine service justas well as other 1 folks. The Black Hillers are rejoicing over the birth of the first girl baby in that wild, Indian-haunted country. The parente ought to cali her Siouxsan Cheyenne. It is with gloomy views of the future thut the young Boston man, after laying ' out 75 cents in caramela tor his sweetheart, learns f rom her ownlips that kissing is aliunde. A jaib of deaf imites were married in Monroe, Ga. , a few weeks ago, and now it is more fun than a circus to see them quarrel and rnake faces at each other j with their fingere. An Oshkosh lady, who was reading to j some friends, encountered the words, I " Nibelungelied tetalogy," and cautiously removed her teeth before attempting to pronounce them. Hsbe, fix iip the constitution so that a man will have the privilege of shooting the fellow who asks for a light from his 25-cent Havana, and hands back the stub of a penny-grab. The Leavenworth Times sums up a late breach-of-promise snit in two headlines, thus: "Au iujured woman sues her deoeiver for $50,000, and she runs 49,950 behind the ticket." For once in the world a New York policeman was on hand the other day when a robbery was committed, but, says the Telegram, he was the robber's victim, and hal to be there. A New Yobk policeman shot at a mud j dog and hit a man in the neck. When j you see a polioeman pointing his pistol at yoii, stand still and smile. Il' yon duck or dodge the result is nncertain. Tuk coft'ee toasters of Indianapolis charge each other yith using peas, beans, com, rye, oats, gum-arabie, leather scraps, and otlier things in getting np thek " strictly pure" l)rands. A gentleman', who rathei" suspected sonie one was peeping through the keyhole of his office door, investigated with a syringe full of pepper sunco, an3 went home to flud his wife had been eutting wood, and a chip liaïl liit her in the eye. WATS AND WIJLLSr Two worfthipful cronies, both WiHiam bynamc, EacU courted, in union, aii o'erwilliuK ilanie ; Hut her hiisliand. arriving ono day uuauiioum-ed, IVith a right lusty kick tjoth the Don Juana " boncd," Aud I lieard hini exclaim, M Soiuething wrong, it f rlrnr !" Theu he turued to Madame with, " Xow, hark you, my dcar ; Though I cannot aii)rove of yonr woyp. and your Wille, J s]i;il] liever be flow. mind. infootinrt your Bills."