Pith And Point

When is -water most Hable to escapo ? When it is only half-tide. What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton ? One longs to eat ; the other eats too long. The man who swore off is beginning to observe, with great feeling, "We've got bnt one lif e to live, anyway. " - Daníniry News. Matbe they did " have giants in those days," bnt they conldn't have looked any bigger tUan a free-born American citizen feels when he's in a procession. With four metallic qualifleations a ! man may feel pretty certain of worldly success. ïhey are, gold ia bis pocket, silver in hifi tongue, brass in his face, and iron in his heart. " I sat, Jim, if live and a-half rods make a perch, how many will make a pickerel?" "'Yon just teil me, first, if two hogsheads make a pipe, how many will make a meerschaum ?" The second nuptials of the widow Canter to Thomas Kush were thus chroniclcd : WhPli Cupid iVd this laaiden banter. At Hymon's conree to tako a brush, At first fhe 6tarld at a Canter, But qow sbe gocfl it with a Runa. " Pat the bill ?" said a gentleman who is well known to collectors as the prince l oí proorastinators. ' ' I should be happy to do so; but this damp weather haf caused my money-drawer to swell, and I j cannot get at my funds. Come the first dry day." Let no one hereafter insinúate that teachers' institutes produce no good. At the late Bucks County Institute a ' haired, blue-eyed darling of a teacher of i the f emale persuasión forever demolished j the base insinuation by the following conundrum: "How do yon make a Ma] tese cross?" Answer: "Trend on hertail." Sam, a Kentucky darky, who was ex! patiating on the merits of a mulé he was trying hard to sell, said, 'Tve know'd dat mule fur tree year, an' I don't tink de animile would hurt alam', cause " j The blank space indicates where the recommendation was interrupted, and Sam forwarded to tho other side of the fence. He was so drunk that he could not j walk - could scarcely move and only partially articúlate. A friend of his came up and upbraided him. " If I were in your place," said his friend, "I'd go out in the woods and hang mysclf." "If (hic) you were (hic) in my place, how (hic) the dence (hic) would you get to (hic) the woods?" was the squelching inquiry. Not long ago an Irishman was j moned before a bench of county magis trates for being drunk and disorderly. ' " Doyouknow what brought youhere?" asked the Chainnan ? " Faiz, your Honor, two policemen," replied the prisoner. " Had not drink something j to do with it?" said the J. P., frowning. : "Sortinly," answered Paddy, j j abashed; " thoy were both dnink." ChakijIE May had been tuught by his father that God made all thiags. He j bogan to inquiro in detail in regard to various objects. Coming out one day where his father was at work, he set his bare foot on a thistle. " O ! Papa. what is that?" "That is a thistle, Charlie." " Thistle ! Did God make it ?" "Yes, : Charlie, God made the thistle." " Well, he whittled it pretty sharp, didn't he?" O, now nasty is the weather ! - streets I no longer in "fine feather;" slush is sloshing through the leather, rubbers, stixikings - all together. Mists and fogs, tliey take an airing; soot is flying. patience wearing ; black the sky, black clouds a-bearing; drizzle, drizzle downward faring. Everybody's chili and grumbling; prices tumbling, merchants humbling; falling banks are heard a-rumbling - creditors deep curses mumbling. Thus tlio people and the weather growl and howl and weep together. - Cindnnati Iireahfast Table. The Central Pacific Railroad Company has ordered 700.000 trees to be set out along the line of the road the coming season.