Punch's Advice To Travelers

On entering a railway carriage kick any pareéis you may find in yonr way, anti, if possible, seat ycmrself upon a bonnet-box. If ladies are present insist upon ligliting a short pipe, and close or open the windows at your own sweet will, and with regard to no one's comfort but your own. On board the steamboat inake yourself a nuisance to your fellow-travelers by indulging in silly practical jokes and smoking bad tobáceo. On arriving at a hotel forco your way out of the omnibus before any one else, and in your selection of a room be as unobliging to your fellow-travelers as possible. Lounge about the hall smoking your favorite pipe, and stare at every lady who enters or leaves the place. If you find a lady away front her father, husband or brother, grin at her. Bully the waiters at the table d'hote, and if you find a kindred spirit indulge freely in a conversation of a stronglyseasoncd character. On your retur to tho hotel lato at night shout at the tojo of your voice to your companions, to the great disturbance of those who have retired to rest before you. If you are fond of fun, alter all the bolts at the doors and change the numbers and hours of the "waking-up slate." If you have to catch an early train in the moniing, be careful to arouse, by your noisy conduct, all the other inmates of the hotel. Touch everything in the museums and pieture galleries, and declaro in broken French, bad Germán or imitation Italian (according to the country) that the South Kensington treasures I beat all the foreign collections hollow. In fact, behave like a selfish, underbred, ill-conditioned cad for a nionth or six weeks, and then return to England to lose your individnality in some small city oftice, or post of a menial character, until the time arrivés for your annual outing next year.