The Late Great French Duel

[From the Atlantic Monthiy for Febrnary.] As soon as I liearcl of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou in the French Assembly, I know that trouble must follow. I knew it because a long personal friendship with M. Gambetta had revealed to me the desperate and implacable nature of the man. Vst as are his physical proportions, I knew that the thirst for revenge would penétrate to the remotest frontiers of his person. I did not wait for him to cali on me, but went at once to him. As I expected, I found the brave fellow steeped in a profound French caln. I say French calm, because French calmness and English calmness have points of difference. Ho was inoving swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furniture, now and then staving chance fragments of it across the room with his foot ; grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth ; and halting every little while to deposit another handful of his hair on the pile which he had been building of it on the table. He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four or five timos, and then placed me in his own arm-chair. As soon as I had got well again we began business at I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, and lie said, "Of course." I said I must be allowed to act under a Frenck name, so that I might be shielded from obloquy in my country, I in case of fatal results. He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was not regarded with respect in America. However, be agreed to my requirement. This accounts for the fact that in all the newspaper reports M. Gambetta's second was apparently a Frenchman. First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, and stuck to my point. I said I had never heard of a man in his right mind going out to fight a duel without first making a will. He said he had never heard of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. j When he had finished the will he wished to proceed to a choice of his " last words." He wanted to know how the following word.s, as a dying exclamation, struck me : " I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, for progress, and i the universal brotherhood of man! " I objected that this would require too lingering a death ; it was a good speech for a coiiHumptive, but not suited to the l exigencies of the field of hónor. We wrangled over a good many ante-mortem outbiirsts, but I finally got him to cut his obituary down to this, whieh he copied into his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart : ! "I die that France may live." r I said that this remark seemed to . lack relevancy ; but he said relevancy j was a matter of no consequence in lapt 5 words - what yon wanted was thrill. The next thing in order was the choice of weawons. My principal said he was not feeling well, and would leave that and the other details of the proposed meeting to me. Therefore I wrote the folknving note and oarriod it to M. Fonrtou's friend : Sir: M. Gambetta accepta' M. Fourtou's challenge, and antliorizcs me to probóse Ple88Í8-Pi(iuet au the plaoe of meeting; to-morrow morning at daybreak a the time ; and axes ae the woapons. I am, ir, with f;reat respect, Mark Twain. M. Fonrton's friend read this note, and shuddered. Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion of soverity in his tone : "Have you considered, air, what would be the inevitable result of such a meeting as this ? " "Well, for instance, what ivould it be?" "Bloodshed!" " That's about the size of it," I said. " Now, if it is a fair question, what was your side proposing to slied TÍ I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened to explain it away. He said ho had spoken jestingly. Then he added that he and his principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but suoh weapons were barred by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, and flnally it occurred to me that Gatling grnis at fifteen paces would be a likely way to get a verdict on the field of honor. So I framed this idea into a proposition. But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. I proposed rifles; then, double-barreled shot-guns; then, Colt's navy revolvers. These being all rejocted, I reflected a while, and sarcastically suggested brick-bats at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fooi away a lmmorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; and it filled me with bitterness when this man went soberly away to submit the last proposition to his principal. He carne back presently, and said his principal was charmed with the idea of brick-bats at three-quarters of a mile, but must decline on account of the danger to disinterested parties passing between. Then I said : " Well, I am at the end of my string, noTf. Perhaps you would be good enough to suggest a weapon ? Perhaps you have even had one in your mind all the time?" His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity : " Oh, without doubt, Monsieur !" So he feil to hunting in his pockets - pocket af ter pocket, and he had plenty of them - muttering all the while, "Now, what could I have done with them?" At last he was successñil. He fished out of his vest pocket a oouple of little things which I carried to the light and discovered to be pistols. They were single-barreled and sil ver mounted, and very dainty and pretty. I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung one of them on my watoh-chain, and returned the other. My companion in crime now unrolleda postage-stamp containing several cartridges, and gave me one of them. I asked if he meant to signify by tliis that onr men were to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the French code permitted no more. I then begged him to go on and suggest a distance, for my mmd was growing weaker and confused under the strain which liad been put upon it. He said sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. I said : "Slxty-five yards witli these instruments ? Pop-guns would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, my friend, you and I are banded together to destroy life, not to make it eternal." But with all my persuasión, all my I arguments, I was only able to get him to reduce the distance to thirty-ftve yards ; and even this concession he made with reluctance, and said witk a sigh : "I wash my hands of this slaughter; on your head be it." There was nothing for me but to go home to my old lion-heart and teil my humiliating story. When I entered, M. Gambetta was laying liis last lock of hair on the altar. He sprang toward me, exclainnng : "You have made the fatal arrangements - I see it in your eye !" "I have." His face paled a trifle, and he leanod upon thii table for support. Hebreathed thick and heavily for a moment or two, so tumultuous were his feelings; then he hoarsely whispered : "The weapon! the weapon! Quick! What is the weapon ? " "This!" and I displayed that silvermounted thing. He caught but one glimpse of it, then swooned ponderously to the floor. When he carne to, he said, mournMly: "The unnatural cahn to which I have subjected myself has told upon my nerves. But away with weakness! I will confront my fate like a man and a TiVpnrVhnrmTï " He rose to his feet, and assumed an ( attitude which for snblimity has never been approached by man, and lias , dom been surpassed by statues. Tlien , he said, in his deep, bass tones : "Behold, I am calm, I am ready; re-I veal to me the distance." "Thirty-five yards." I coukl not lift him up, of course; i but I rolled him over and ponred water j down his back. He presently carne to, and said : ''Thirty-five yards - without a rest? But why ask? Bince murder was that j man's intention, why should he palter at small details ? But mark yon one thing : In my fall the world shall see how tho chivalry of France meets death." After a long silence ho asked : "Was nothing said about that man's family standing up with him, as an offset to my bulk? But no matter; I would not stoop to make a suggestion ; if he is not noble enough to suggest it hiniself he is welcome to the advantage, which no honorable man would take." He now sank into a sort of stupor of refiection, which lasted some minutes ; after which he broke silenco with : "The hour - what is the hour flxed for the collision?" "T)íiwn. to-morrow." .uawn, lo-morrow. He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately Bftia. "Insan'ity! I never heard of sucha thing. Nobody is abroad at stich an hour." "ïhat is tlie reason I named it. Do you mean to say you want an andience?" "It isno time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou should ever liave agroed to so strange an innovation. Go at once and require a later hour." I ran down stairs, threw open the front door, and almost plunged into the j arns of M. Fourtou's second. He said: 'Í have the honor to say that my principal strenuotisly objects to the hour chosen, andbegs that you will consent to change it to half-past 9." "Any courtcsy, sir, which it is in our power to extend is at the service of your excellent principal. We agree to the 1 propösed chango of timo." "I beg you to accept the thanks of my cliënt." Then he turned to a person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, the hour is altered to half-past 9." Whereupon M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went away. My accomplice continued : "If agreeable to you, your chief snrgoons and ours shall proceed to the field in the same carriage, as is customary." "It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged to you for mentioning the surgeous, for I am afraid I should not have thought of them. How many shall I want ? I suppose two or three will be enough?" "Two is thii customary number for each party. I ref er to 'chief ' surgeons ; but, considering the exalted positions ocoupied by our clients, it will be well and decoróos that each of us appoint several consulting surgeons, from ai-iong , the highest in the profession. These will come in their own private carriages. Have you engaged a hearse ?" " BÏess my stupidity, I never thought of it ! I will attend to it right away. I must seem very ignorant to you; but you must try to overlook that, because I have never had any experience of suclr a swell duel as this before. I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific coast, but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse - sho! we used to leave the elected lying around loose . and let anybody cortl them up and oart hem off that wanted to. Have yon any;hing further to suggest? " " Nothing, except that the head under;akers shall ride together, as is usual. The subordínate and mntes will go on 'oot, as is also usual. I will see you at 3 o'olock in the morning, and we will ;hen arrange the order of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." I return ed to my cliënt, who said: ' Very well ; at wliat hour is the engagement to begin?" " Half-past 9." " Very good indeed. Have you sent the f act to the newspapers ? " " Sir I If after our long and intimate friendship you can for a moment deem me capable of so base a treachery - " "Tut, tut! "What words are these, my dear friend ? Have I wounded you ? Ah, forgive me ; I am overloading you with labor. Therefore go on with the other details, and drop this one from vuur list Ttie bloodv-minded Fourtou will be sure to attend to it. Or I mysclf - yes, to make certain, I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir- " " Oh, come to think, you may save yourself the tronble ; that other second has inforcned M. Noir." " H'm ! I might have kuowu it. It is. just like tliat Fourtou, who always wants to make a display." At half-past 9 in the morning the procession approached the field of PlessisPirfuet in the following order: First camó our carriage - nobody in it but M. CiambeHu uu tl jnyaelí; tlicu a carriaec containing M. Fourtou and his second ; then a carriage containing two poetorators who did not believe in God, and i these liad MS. funeral orations piojecting f rom their breast pockets; then a carriage containing the head surgeons and their cases of instruments ; then eight private carriages containing consulting surgeons ; then a hack containing the Coroner; then the two hearses; then a carriaare contamine the head dertakers ; then a train of assistants and mutes on foot; and after tliese came plodding through the fog a long procession of camp-followers, pólice, and citizens generally. It was a noble turnout, and wonld have made a fine display if we had had thiiiner weather. There was no conversation. I spoke several times to my principal, but I judge that he was not aware of it, for he always riferred to his note-book, and muttered absently, "I die that France may live ! " Arrived in the field, my fellow-second and I paced off thirty-five yards, and then drew lots for choice of position. This lattf r was but an ornamental ceremony, for all dioicos "were aüke in such weather. These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal and asked him if he was ready. He spread himself out to his f uil width, and said, in a stern voiee, "Beady! Let the batteries be charged." The loading was done in the presence of duly-constituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform this delicate service with the assistance of the lantern, on account of the state of the wpfiflier. We now nlaced our men. At this point the pólice noticed that the public had massed themselves together on tlie right and left of the field ; they therefore begged a delay, while they should put these poor people in a place of safety. The request was granted. The pólice having ordered the two multitudes to take positions behind the duelists, we were once more ready. The weather growing still more opaque, it was agreed between myself and the otlicr seconcl that, bofore giving the fatal signal, we should each deliver ii loud whoop to enublo the combatantsto ascertain each other's whereabouts. I now returned to my principal, and was distressed to observe that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. I tried my best to hearten him. I said, "indeed, sir, things are not so bad as they seem. Considering the character of the weapons, the limited nuraber of shots aUowed, and generous distance, the impenetrable distance of fog, and the added fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed and the other cross-eyed and noa,r-sii3rhted. it Seems to me that anü ncar-sigüteu, id seems to .me urne this conflict uoed not necessarüy be fatal. There are chances that both of yon may survive. ïherefore, cheer up ; rto not be down-hearted." This speech had so good an effect that my principal immediately stretched forth lus haud and said, " I am myself again; give me the weapon." I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast solitude of Iris palm. He gazed at it and slmddered. And still moruniully contemplating it, he murinurod, in a broken voice : "Alas, it ík not death I dread, lint mutilation." I heartened him once more, and with snch success that he presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; do notdesertme in this solemn hom', my fviond." T gave him my promise. T ñow assisted him to point his pistol toward the spot whert I judged his adversary to be standing, and cautioned him to listen well, and fnrther gnide himself by my f ellow-second's whoop. Then I prop) iel myself against M. Gambetta's back, and raised a rousing "wlioop-ee!" This was uisweri'd from out tho fardistances of the fog, and I immedietely shouted : " One- two - three- fi re ! " Two little sonnds like spit! spit! brokc upon my ear, and in the same instant I was cnished to the earth nader a mountain of flesh. Buried as I was, I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, to tbis effect : "I dio for- for - perdition tako it, what ík it I die for?- olí, yes- France! I dio that Frailee may live !" The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in their liands, and applied their niicroscopes to the whole área of M. Gambetta's pcrson, with the happy result of íinding nothing in the nature of a woiuid. Then a scene ensued whicn was in every way gratifying and iuspiriting. The two gladiators feil upon each cther's necks, with floods of proud and happy tears ; that other secón d embraced 'me ; 'the surgeons, the orators, the undertakers, the pólice, everybody embraced, everybpdy congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole atmosphere was fllled with praiso and with joy unspeakable. It seeraed to me then that I would rather tye the liero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptered monarch. When the commotion liad somewhat subsided, the body of surgeons held a consultation, and after a good deal of debate decided that, with proper care and nursing, there was reason to believe that I would survive my injuries. My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it was apparent that a broken rib had pcnetrated my left lang, and that many of organs had been pressed out so far to one side or the other from whcre they belonged that it was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform their functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. They then set my left arm in two places, pulled my right hip into its soeket again, and re-elevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, and even admiration ; and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had themselves introduced to me, and said they were proud to know the only man who had been hurt in a French duel for fbrty years. I was placed in an ambulance at the very kedd of the procession ; and tlms with gratifying eclat I was marched into Paris, he most conspicTions figure in that great spectacle, and deposited at the hospital. The Cross of the Legión of Honor has been eonferred upon me. However, few escape that distinction. Such is the trne version of the most memorable private conflict of the age. My recovery is still doubtful, but there are hopes. I am able to dictate, but there is noknowingwhenl shall be able to write. I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted for myself , and I can stand the consequences. Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid to stand before a modern French duelist, but I will never consent to stand behind one aarain.