Joe's Wife

"My dear oíd chum," the letter ran, "I write, for the purpose of inviting íou to visit us. Don't refuse. My wil'ti heaitily seconds the invitation. Ah, Toni, she ia a je wel- my wife. I know if yon coukl meet such a one you would succumb and forswear bachelorhood. She is the dea-est, sweetest, best-tem])ered, loveliest- the English language fails me heve, bul as vouwere always better than 1 at the ÍJnabiidged I beseech you to look therein for some endearing adjectives, and complete tlie sentence. You, who sin? about the felicity of a 'Bachelor Hall,' when you have seen ray happy home will change your tune. You must come, Tom. I won't take a refusal. Yours.etc, "JokHall." I answered nis letter thus: - "My Deak 3 oe :- 1 thought when I ast saw you I could never be tempted o jeopardize my peace of mind or my ones by again placing myself at the nercy of your infernal practical jokes. Jut I have no other recourse now than o accept your invitation. You must iromise me, my dear fellow. you will íot play any of your jokes. A married nan ought to be more dignifted, and if ,-ou play any of your tricks on me, I warn you, I shall board the first train tor home. Yours, Ton Thubston." I went. I was met at the train by Joe's servant a man who had a long body, dressed in a long coat, a long waistcoat, long necktie, a long hat, ong boots, and whose name was Long. L instinctively hated the man. He scrutinized me closely ; I returned the scrutiny. He watclied my every movement like a detective would a supposed criminal.s; 1 watched his every movement like a timid man would a vicious canine's. His voice in intonation was in length comparable to the length of his body ; my voice in length of intonation when addressing this man was comparable to the length of a body of a Lilliputian. We at lengtli reaclied J oe 's house, i anticipated Joe's welcome, but in his place carne the loveliest woman I ever beheld. It is trae, as Joe said, 1 was ttlways fluent in language, but to this day I cannot tind w ords to satisí y me in describing her surpassing beauty. "Joe, Joe," thought I, "it is lucky for you that you niet her flrst." "You are Mr. ïhurston?" she asked, timidly approaching me, and shyly glancing at 'me from under her drooping eyelids. I informed her I was that personage, and then inquired for Joe. For answer that gentleman himself dashcd up on horseback, sprang from the saddle, grasped my hand, and, like the irrepressible Joe of old, cried- "Glad to see you, old boy! We'll have glorious good times as of old. We'll hunt, flsh, smoke, etc, till you grow so fat, hale and hearty that your most intímate city friends won't know you. Come, let's tro in, tea is waiting, Pardon me fornot introducing you, but L suppose you had introduced yourselves in my absence. Apropos, it was inhospitable in me to absent myself on your arrival, but business called me away." So rattling on, J oe ushereü us into the ;osiest little parlor that ever a poor jaehelor was called upon to envy. But ;li e cosy little wife! What was the invy of the room with all its adornnents, to the envy of such a wife? Must 1 admit it- I may as well riglit dere as at any f urther period of my recital- I feit a strange thrill at my ïeart. It was a thrill of exquisite pain - a thrill of jealousy of Joe's happiness. ".Toe," I mentally cried, "better, far better for me had I declined your invitation." Presently we had a most refreshing suppèr, after whleta Joe and I strolled out for a walk and a smoke. ".loe," I exelainied, enthusiastically, "Your encomiums of your wife were nieiited. She is indeed a treasure. By Jove, if I could lind such a jewel I would never rest till I won andmarried her." Joe was on the point of lighting his cigar when I began, but paused with upraised match unül I had iinished - and the match burned his tingers. I thought for a time he was angry at my impetuosity, but his face cleared wav, and the old wicked twink'c that I feared so much, sprang to his eyes. He grasped my hand, fuying, - "You're right, vi boy; she's the dearest little wif in the universe. 1 'm gladyou likeur." After we had üniahed our cigars and talkod for some time of our old college days, we re-entered the house. "Nellie, cried Joe, opening the piano, "favor ïom and me with a tune. He has a passion for musie." "Perhaps Mr. Thurston- " began she, but was interrupted by Joe. "No, Nellie, I protest! No mistering.around here. It's plain Torn. Do you hear, Torn? She's to cali yöu Torn, and you're to cali her Nellie. Violation of this rule will incur my eternal displeasure. Govern yourselves accordingly. "Perhaps he will object, Joe," pleaded Nellie. "No, no," I exclaimed, "it will please me very much - and - and I will feel highly honored to be allowed to address you by your Christian name." "Pshaw, Toni! ifll please her. Won 't it NellV" She laughed and gave me a bewitching look accompanied with a nod. "I.was going to say," said Nellie, "tliat perhaps you could sing with me." "No, no; excuse me, I can't sing- Nellie." The word was uttered with a gasp, and 1 eertainly tiuned violently red in the face. Joe was looking at me, and I saw he had a desperate struggle to control the mnscles oí the raonth. I was indeed fond of music, bnt I wrs entranced with her magniücent voice. The evening passed on golden wings. Joe ran on in his wild old way ; told his jokes and laughed as boisterously as he did when we roomed together at college. He did not give us much chance to join in the conversation, for one comic anecdote reminded him of another which he must teil. We both laughed heartily :it his stories, and talked volumes to each other with vin PVPS. That night I dreamed I loved STellie. (Oh, truthfiü dream!) 1 dreamed she reciprocated that love. (Oh, vaiu dream!) T hen I dreamed intrigue Degan. We determined to elope. My heart bied for poor Joe, but I feit it was death to live without her. Now she lias met me under the old elm south of Joe's house. 1 see her pale, excited f aoe I I feel her nervous hand cíasping mine. Novv we are tleeting! On, on. and now we are pursued. Joe is on our track. The scène changes, and we are on the river. We glide .Inner smoothlv in l light boat. Now we a safe, and she is mine- mine forjver ! But no, .Toe still pursues us. Now he is close to us. Why cannot we glicle f aster? Joe approaches iwiftly. Now he eloses in on us. He has caught her in his cruel grasp. Her beautiful, pleading eyes are raised to mine. Joe raises a knife aloof. Then I catch his arm ; we struggle silently together. I wrest the Jmlfe from 1 ; grasp and plunge it into his brea? , and iie drops from the misty boat and sinks beneath the dark waves! How dark the river lias grown by the pale light of the moon! The gaunt and ghastly figure of Mr. Long suddenly emerged from the waves. i saw him catch my darling in his long arras, and, 1 fore I could interfere, they had bolh "sappeared beneath the turbid waves of the river. - This awoke me. 1 arose and resumed my wearing apparel, ballied my feverish face and went forth into the air to try and exorcise theevil spirits with a fragrant Havana. By the ensuing mormng my uream had eeased to irouble me, but the reaJity of tliings did not cease. There was Nellie before me in all her beauty, all lier sweetness, to tempt me on to love her. There was Joe with all his exuberance of spirit, and as unsuspicious as a child, to tempt me on to love. He seemed to do all in his power to bring us together. He often lured us into interesting conversation. or managed cj get us engaged in singing and playing and then would leave us alone for hours. Days passed away and relapsed into weeks ; in these weeks I was almost the constant companion of Nellie Hall. We were out boating, riding, and to innumerable concerts and entertainments, all through the suggestion and planning of Joe. I feit and knew well thedanger; I was fascinated at first - now I was irretrievably in love. The thought of breaking away from this charming creature caused me pain liL-e nntn fleilt.h. I resolved to leave. lío maUer what it cost me, the only honorable course for me to pursue was to return to the city and forget- no, not forget, for never could I forget the only woman I ever loved or couid love. Joe was absent on the day I arrived at this determination. All tlie better, l thought; it will be easitr to get away. 1 proceeded to pack up and net ready to go on the evening train. I noticed, during the process of packing, that the long body of Long was overshadowing me. He seemed determined not to let anyihing escape his observation. At leiigth, when I had finished my work, he approached me. His long arm was raised to his breast-pocket, and from thence he abstracted a letter, whicn he handed rne. I tore it open ; it was from Joe, and read : - "Thomas Thurston, you are a traitor ! I no longer doubt your perfidy. Long has watched you and Nellie closely. It is useless to deny your intention of eloping with lier. I demand satisfaction, and it can only be had f rom your heart's blood. Meet me on the river bank, and by the light of the moon,and ;n the presence of Long, we will settle our differences. Joe." I looked up. Long had disappeared, and in his place stood Nel! ie. "Why, ïom, you're not going toleave us, are you V" she asked. L thought she addressed me in a tone of regret. 1 looked in her bright eyes - mch beautiful, loving eyes! How couldl pain her? How could I drive the blood from her cheeks and the light from her eyes by showing her Joe's letter and telling her all. She came very near me and said, coaxinelv. 'Don't go, Tom, I will be so lonely here now." "I cannot stay, Nell. I regret having to leave you" - my words came fast and almostina, liculately. 'I ought tobe on my way now, and can oiily stay long enough to bid you adieu." 'But, Tom. what will Joe say'. Surely you will stay till he comes," s e Cl16(l "No, no, I cannot, Nellie. Indeed I I can never forget the happineás I have had here this sununer, but 1 must leave you now, aü! I fear - it - is - forever!" My voice was unsteady, and I clasped both her hands very tightly in mine. "Forever!" she repeated. "Oh, Tom, ore ver!" What a world of tenderness, of regret in her intonations. It died away as a wail of woe. "Xo, Xellie, liever shall I clasp these lrttle hands in mine, never hear the muslc of your sweet voice. I shall never see yonagain, never!" - "Never '"the moan died away, and the beautiful eyes were raised to mine in speechless agony that wrung ïny heart with pain. "Oh. Xellie, do not break my heart ! My grief, my wretehedness is beyoud bearing now. Your belovedeyes looking into mine will haunt me in coming years. You know my secret, Recrimínate me if yon will, Xellie, my darling." A Ught sprang into her eyes - a strange. dazzling light that spread over her beautiful face - thelightof ameasureless love, of a transport of joy. "Farewell !" I cried, in a husky voice, not daring to stay longer, "farewell !" and I turned to go when her flngers closed over mine. I turned to her again, and she tlirew her arms about mv neck. "You must not gol You shall not go, f or - I love - you !" and the beaming face was hidden on my breast. A chuckling noise trom behind i tled us. It broke into a laugh, t; en into loud shouts and frightful roars, interniingled with hideous guffaws and a woman's musical laugh, till the hills echoed and re-echoed the sound. Nellie's face was suffused with blushes, and she drew away from me, but I clasped her more closely. A light breaking in on my bewildered brain. "Ha! ha! ha!" roared Joe, while Long emitted a series of strange sounds very unlike a laugh. "Ho! ho! ho! Long - ha! ha! ha! wife- Tom thought sister Ñell was- ha! ha! ha!- was my wife!"