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Levities And Brevities

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Wicked things.- Candi es. A vane fowl. - A weathercoek. The iirst person singular. - Adam. A young man calis hisgirl, who lias promised to marry him, "Silence," because she gives constent. Now they can take men by the nose! - A barber's shop in Churcli Street, New York, advertises "Lady artista in attendance." Torn Mooie tells of a gentleman, who, when he was short of money, always threatened his family with the publication of his poems. The immediate result was, as mueh cash as he wanted. "Motheris all the time telling me not to bolt my f ood," said a small boy, and now she bas gone and bolted up the Clipboard that has got all the coinpany victuals." A Boston young man married against the wishes of his parent, and in telling a friend how to break the news to them said : "Teil them iirst that I am dead, and gently work up to the climax," A celebrated composer wroteto a friend requesting the pleasure of his company '(to luncheon ; Key of G." His friend, a thorough musician, interpretad the invitation rightly, and carne to the composer's house for a luncheon at one sharp. A lady who was suffering under a ( slight indisposition told her husband that it was with the greatest difliculty she could breathe, and the effort distressed her exceedingly. "I wouldn't try, my dear," sootliingly responded the husband. A tutor of a college lecturing a young man on the irregularity of his conduct. added with great pathos: "ïhe report of your vices will bring your father's gray liairs witli sorrow to the grave." "I beg your pardon, sir," replied the pupil, "my father wears a wig." A minister who had only recently heard of the practices of Doe Herdman and Naglfiy at tlie Ann Albor Ulliversity remarked. "Brethren belore we sing the next verse of 'John ürowu's body lies moulding in the grave,' let us look in to the grave and see if it is there." A young man, hired as a clerk, was told by his employer that all his clerk's slept at the house, and that it was closed punctially at 10 o.clock every night. "O, don't apologizê," said the youth, "I don't care what time it is closed, if it's only opened early enough in the morning." President Lincoln once listened patiently while a friend read a long manuscript to hiin, and then asked: "What do you tliink of it? IIow will it take '?" The President reflectad a little while, and then answered: "Well, for people who like that kind of thing, I think that is just the kind of thing they'd like." In every walk of life the present mania and its attendant ills have taken a deep - a dangerously deep - root. Some ladies have undertaken to make two thousand calis in two thousans quarter hours. A boy was rescued from the pantry where he was trying to eat thref ""a quartei pies 111 tliree thousand quarter hours. An old bachelor was recently heard saying to a "young lady," "There is more jewelry worn nowadays than when I was young; but there's one piece I always admired, which I don't often see now." "What is that?" ask ed "miss," "A thimble," was the re plv. That was neat, says the Boston Courier - the remark of a young lawyer on Washington street, tlie other morning. A friend accosted Mm: "John, I wish you would change this $20 bill for me." The blushing, but pleased attorney lifted his hat and replied: 'My good boy, you natter me, you llatter me!" A Georgia farmer bought a grand piano for his daughter. Ilis houso is small, and to economize room, the lower part of the petitions bet ween the kitchen and tlie parlor was cut out, and the long end of the piano stuck through. Priscilla now sits at the keyboard singing: "who will care for mother now V" and the mother rolls out doughnuts on the other end of the piano in tlie kitchen. She was a Boston girl. She was visiting her Whitehall country cousins. While walking out, several butterflies passed her. "üh dear me, what channing little birds. They are perfectly exquisite." "ïhey are not birds, my dear," replied her country cousin, 'they are butterllies." 'Oh, you don't say so. Then these are the dear little creatures that fly f rom flower to ilower and gather the butter that we useV ïhey are too lovely for anything." A lady living in Greenleaf, Sanilac county, writes to the Caro Advertiser as f ollows : "We have quite a novelty in our place in the shape of a singing mouse ! It is the color of a common mouse, and seems to take a great liking to a couple of canaries we have hanging, and will station itself close by and sing with a tiny warble very pleasant to hear. It has so far eluded our most vigilant efforts to capture it." FlSTICUFFS AS A TONIC. - About 6 o'clock yesterday morning, says an exchange, two men met on sixth street and began threatening and calling each other names. One finally called the other a liar, and the two were about to grapple when a woman opened the door and said: "Gentlemen, are you about to fight?" "We are!" they answered together. "Then have the kindness to wait a moment," she continued. "My poor husband has been sick for weeks and weeks, and is now just able to sit up. He is very downhearted this morning, and if you'll only wait till I can draw him up to the window 1 know he'll feel very grateful to both of you." She disappeared in the house, and after one look into each other's faces the men smiled, shook hands and departed together.


Old News
Michigan Argus