Levities And Brevities

Stubborn things - Facts and mules Who brayed tliere ?" asked a membei of the Canadian House of Commons of the persons who were trying by interruption to silence him. " It was au eche," retorted a voice. "Isn't my photograph excellent?" said a young wife to her husband. " Well, my dear," replied he, " there's a little too much repose about the moutli for it to be natural." A sparkling young debater, in a llight of eloquence, exclaimed: - "Mr. President, the world is divided into two great classes, the learñed and the iinlearned, one of whom I ani which.' "Ishould just like to see i somebody abduct me," said Mrs. Smith at thi breakfast table the other morning " Il'm! so should I, my dear, so slioult I," said Mr. Smith with exceeding arnestnesi Au Arkansas paper announces the coming of a star actor "froni the clas sic Kast, who will show onr appreciative citizens liow tlie inmortal coneeptione of the divine Shakespean should be slung." A cynical old bachelor says the billing and cooingis just about equally divided betvveen lovers and married folk ; all the cooing coming before marriage, and all the bilüng afterwards. Landlady (iiercely)- "You mus'n't occupy that bed with your boots on." Boarder - "Never mini!, they're an old pair. I guess the bedbugs can't hurt 'om. I'll risk it anyhovv." When a AVisconsin editor remarked recently that "the lilac buslies arebudding," a Minnesota editor, with the thermometer at fourteeii degrees above zero in bis saftctum, coolly replied, "You lilac Satan." A man who had brouglit an action for diyorce being informed that his wife had begun a "cross-action," as the lawyers cali it, exclaimed: "A cross action! That it just like her. She never did a yood-tempered tliing in her life." "If," advertised a philosophical victim, "the person who took a fancy to my overcoat was iniluenced by the weather, Uien all is serene; but if he did so f rom commercial considerations, I am ready to enter into linancial negotiations for its return."