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Levities And Brevities

Levities And Brevities image
Parent Issue
Day
18
Month
July
Year
1879
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

Kraaling Katlirs. Comraona Triennial l'arlwIIH'IHH. A Tuneful Quire. - twenty-four sheets üf gÖodnmsic. I ti what place ought things never to look black?- The Isle of Wight (White). Water-Tight Artlcles, Of Course! - A writer on style says, "It is the fashion in Franceto take their tea in bonnets and gloves." It was because George Washington could not teil a lie, says an American farmer, that his father nevel' sent him into town with fresb eggs. A Frisco moniing paper reported lately the accidental death of a deaf and dumb girl. lts evening rival, not to be outdone, gave lier last vvords. A Frenen newspaper the other day had the following heading in its police intelligence - '.Suicide of two persons ; statement of the one that survived." Is There a Man üare Open His Mouth? -Josh Biliings wishes toknow if it takes long to discover which is the one, when a clergyman has made a w ornan and a man one. A distinguished violinist went the other day into a hairdresser's to have his hair cut. 'You really, sir, ought to allow me to take a little more off, if you do not wish to be taken for a fiddler," said the operator. Doctor Holmes, in his life of Motley, tells how that gentleman had a narrow escape from death a hundred years before he was born. His grandmother, that is to say, was very near being killed by Indians. "I make only condition - that I shall always play the leading role," modestly exclaimed a young actor to a manager of whom he sought an engagement. "All right," was the ready reply- "then 111 make you prompter'" A bashf ui young man escorted an the damsel, slie said entreatihgly, "Zekil, don't teil anybody you saw me home." "Sary," said he emphatically, "don't you mind; I am as much ashamed of it as you are!" An Early Note-Taker.- Examiner: "And who reigned alter SaulVAnswer: "David." Examiner: "And who carne after David V" Answer: "Solomon," Examiner: "And who cameafter SolomonV" Sharp little girl: "Oh, please, sir, the Queen of Sheba!" A gentleman who is no longer young, and who never was handsome, asked his son's child what he thought of liim. The boy's parents were present. The youngster made no reply. "Well, so you won't teil me what you think ofmeV Why won't youV" "'Cause I don't want to get licked," replied the sprig of a rising generation. An officer quartered in Jamaica left nis card for the Adiniral newly stationed there, on the corner of which was inscribed "E. P." On meeting the Admiral he remarked, "1 hope you got inycardV" "Oh, yes! But what the deuce is the meaning of' the 'E. I'.' on it?" ''Oh, en personnc'." Soon af ter the oflicer received the Adiniral's card inscribed "S. B. N.," and in turn he askedfor an interpretation. "Sent 1 nigger,"explained the old sailor. A refractory Irishman in jail.named Dennis McGinnis, refused to work. Thewarder said to him, "McGinnis, you go to work or to the pump." "ííiver." replied the Irishman. A second time the warder ordered McGinnis to work, but lie reí'ased to budge an inch. "Now, for the last time, McGinnis," exclaimed the warder, "yon go to work or to the pump." "Ni ver, sir!" said McGinnis straightening up to the f uil dignity of aman. "Bedad.nir, 1 "11 lave hejafl first!" DlFFERFNCB BETWEEN "CAN" AND '■WILL."- This is the way in which a Louisville girl disposes of a young man - "You have asked me pointedly if I can marry you, and I have answered pointedly that I can. I eau marry a man who makes love to a different girl every month. I can marry a man whose main occupation seems to be to join in guantlet in front of the churches and theatres and comment audibly on the people who are compelled to pass through. I can marry a man whose only means of support is an aged father. I can marry a man who boasts that any girl can be won with the help of a good tailor and an expert tongue. I can marry such a man, but I wo-n'-t!" Of Josei'Ii Jeffkrson's flrst appearance on the stage when fourteen years old, Mr. L. C. Davis gives in Lippincott a touching deacriptlon. The young actor's widowed motlier had for weeks trained hiin in themusic, words and business of his part. They were very poor, and both hoped intensely that the debut would be successful. The niglit came, and young Jeffeiso.i took hls place apon the stage more clead than alive with fright. Ile became censcious that his mother was watching him, and though half blindt'il with fear, ha saw her hands tremble up to her mouth, saw the tears rilling her eves,and sawbertrying to suiile encoiuagement to him through them ; yet af ter the öratline or two he broke down utterly, and amid a storm of hisses he tottered off at the wing, to whicli his mother was clinging for support, so great was her distiess. He tlung himself iuto her arms, erylng out through his soba and hersthat he had failed- that he should never succeed. The lovely lady and loving mother died, not, indeed, before her son had gained a good position upon the stage, but before he had reached the succesa that would have made her so proud and happy.

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Subjects
Old News
Michigan Argus