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Belles gi ve "tone" to society. V rostiere work when they wrest. Au-tight- Intoxicated with music. A man who goes fïshing should take luncheon along. He may get no othei: bite. Boots- Eight o'clock, surr! Voice (from the deeps)- Why didn't ye till me that bef ore, coniound you ? Speak of a man's marble brow and he will glow with conscious pride, but alinde to lus wooden head and he is mad in a minute. A Yankee trick- Taking an old grlndatone and tilling the hole with clay, smearing it over with fresh buttc ';nid selling it for cheese. Trampa would be more riumerous than ever were it not for the self-sacriücing woman of the land who marry and support so many men. A facetious old lady, üeccrüing thp rambling serrcons of her minister, said- "If the text had the smallpox his sermón would never catch it." A youth with a turn for figures liad flve eggs toboil, and being told to give themthree minutes each, boiled them a quarter of an hour altogether. A lad in school being asked. "What is Khode Island celebrated for?" replied, "It is tne only one of the ïiewEngland States which is the smallest " It seems paradoxical to say that a thing can be bigger inside than out, but it yon eat a pmtot dried appies and drink a quart of water you'll flnd that such a thing can be. The Bangor Commercial says the tracks of a Jersey mosquito have been discovered in the interior of New York State, and a large body of men, well aimed, are in pursuit. A young man sent 25 cents to a New York iirm for the purpose of learninff "how to get along without a blotter in writing," and received this answer: "Write with a leadpencil." If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through Ufe he will soon find hiir íelf left alone. A man should keep his friendship in constant repair. -Johnson. As they who, for every sliglit sickness, take physic to repair their health, do rather impair it, so they who for every trifle are eager to vindícate their character, do rather weaken it - Masón When two goats met on a bridge that was too narrow to allow either to pass or return, the goat which lay down that the other might walk over it was a liner gentleman tlian Lord Ohestertield. - Oecil. Young Wife (shopping.)- "I'm giv ing a small dinner to-morrow and I sliall want some lamb." Butcher- Yes'm, fore-quarters 'o lamb, 'm 't" Young Wife- "Well, I think threequarters will be enough 1" T.ur. MefKien ïncii are troubieü over the ownership ot a laaaer, ana are taking steps for a lawsuit. The result of thia will be that one lawyer wili get the sides and the other lawyer will get the rounds leaving the holes to the litigants. Lord Beaconfleld made the f ollowing cynical remark when some one called the Zulusuncivilized: "Uncivilzedl I do not quite see that. They have routed our arinies, out-witted our generáis, killed a prince, and converted a bishop. The most eivilized nation could do no more." A minister once told Wendell Phillips that if his business in lile was to save the negroes, he ought to go to the South, where they were, and do it. "That is worth thinking of," replied Phillips; "and what is y our business in life ?" "To save men f rom going to heil," replied the minister. "Then go there and attend to your business!" said Mr. Phillips. Modesty is a somewhat rare virtue, and vet it is a dangerous thing to pretend" to possess qualities or abilities whicli you never had. The advice which Jerrold one day gave to a youth has a meaning for most of us also. It was : " Young man, be advised by me ; don't take down the shutters until there is something in the window." At a friendly club gatheiïng tiie other evening one of the members exercisecl his ability for telling yarns by giving a recital of several Irish "bulls," to the amusement of his companions and the indignation of a patriotic Hibernian who was present. The son ot Jfinn at last aróse ana remanteu mdignantly, "Faith, and do you know what I think, Mr. D. ? I think indade that not more than one liali' those lies they teil 'bout the Irish are trae." There is no worse occupation for an earnest physician than to listen to the complaints of people who pretend to be Hl. A well-known doctor, who was calted on by one of his patiënte for noüiing abo ut once a week, ended by inquiring, "Then you eat well?" "Yes." "Yon drink well?" "Yes." "You sleep well?" "Certainly " "Wonderf ui !" said the doctor as he prepared to write a prescription. "I am going to give you something that will put a stop to all that." A list of the printing houses and kindred institutious of St. Petersburg iapublishedin the Golos. There are, alltold, lu3 printing otlices in the city, seven of which belong to the Government; there are 110 lithographic establishments, 12 type foundries, 5 metallographic establishments, 89 photographic galleries, 120 bookstores, 30 librariea, 15 stores of typographic imple - ments, 22 hand-printing presses, ard one store of elastie stamps. Books and journals are sold at 1 5 printing offices, at 7 newspaper office?, at 32 toyshops, a id at several tobáceo shops. The sale of journals is in charge of two companies, consisting of 13 responsible members, who employ 150 persons. Another poet has arisen in the land, who bids fair to snccessively rival Julia A. Moore. He is the owner of a wil'eand iive children, and for forty years has held his restive muse in check.until, in the full maturity of her powers, he turns her loose and she sweeps over the track with all competitors distanced. Below is a specimen which we shall preserve for future use. And we hereby notify all those young ladies with hereditary tendencies to autograph albums who have so honored us by requesting "something sweet" that we won't procrastinate any longer. Bring on your albums again. We are ready for you this time: 'l'he birds íb singing on the bough The bell is ringing on the oow Bnt sorrow fllls my weary breatt, Wht ii the matter may beguewed- 1 1 loTe Uatilda."


Old News
Michigan Argus