Levities And Brevities

.Tuint affairs - Rheumatism. Corn cannot be shocked by electrictv. Ad undertaker gets his living where another man dies. "YVhat is worse than a gossiping woman ? - A gossiping man. Llano is the Mexican for plair.. Dr. Mary Walker is llano. No boy is afraid of a yellovv jacket when there is a girl insido of it. Chicago wants the next world's fair, but perhaps the next world won't have any. Notlazomahuiztespixcatziu is, says Humboldt, the title of respect given to the priests of Mexico. A carpet dealer advertises "new Brussels carpet that can't be beat," That's the kind we want at our house. India-rubber gloves are capital ;hings for those who wish to wash ;hemselves without wetting their hands. "If there's no moonlight, will you meet me by gaslight, dearest Juliana?" 'No, Augustus, I won't," replied she; 'I'm no gas meter." English papers say that Talmage ;alks through his nose. What of it ? Whose nose should he talk through, we should like to know ? Dentistry is not new. A four-thousand-year-old mummy has been discoyered with a fllled tooth and the unpaid bill in his pocket. Mrs. Partington, speaking of the rapid manner in which evil deeds were perpetrated, said that it only required two seconds to fight a duel. "Am I badly dressed?', asked a French provincial, while being measuredby aswell Parisian tailor. "Simply covered, sir, simply covered." Mrs. Smith, as the summer came on, said she would so much like a little change. Smith offered her two shilings and sixpence for half-a-crown. "Brilliajit and impulsivo people," said a lecturer on physiognomy, "have black eyes, or if they don't have 'em they're apt to get em ; they're too impulsive." From the fact that Nero flddled while Kome was burning, we may infer that business had been pretty dull, and he had insured the old place for all it was worth. The window of a Paris wine-merchant's shop where "English is spoken" bears this inscription - "Genuine and authentic wine merchants in casks or bottles in Castles." hetded by itsK MpSAeS ffipffik boy, standing at a window with his mother, said : "I say, ma! what is the ! use of all those soldiers who don't play?" "Has the cooking-book any pictures?" asked a young lady of the bookseller. "Not one," replied the dealer in books. "Why," exclaimed the witty miss, "what is the use of telling us how to make a dinner if you give us no plates?" The Irishman had a correct appreciation of the fitness of things who, being asked by the judge, when he applied for a license to sell whisky, if he was of good moral character, replied: "Faith, yer honor, I don't see the necessity of a good moral character to sell whisky!" From the son of a prominent statesman in Washington to a pretty girl: "I want you to come around to our house if you can't get anybody to eoine around to your house and fetch you around to our house, i will come around to your house and fetch you around to our house." "Make way for the Duke of Edinburgh!" exclayned an excitable French committee-man at a f ancy fair in London, taking a gentleman by the shoulders to accelerate his movement. "With your permission, I am the Duke of Edinburgh!" replied the supposed obstructive. The committee-man rapidly lost himself in the crowd. A well-known brass-and-stringbandit professor was interviewed the other morning by a man who wanted a situation in the band. "What can you play?" asked the professor. "Well, I ain't much for flddlin'," replied the man, "but if you want wind stuffed into a cornet, or wind belted out of a bass drum, I'm your oyster." He was engaged.