The sky is pink and the grass is grey. I spin around; slowly, drowsily, as if I’m in a daze. Around me are tall, slim, white trees. They have no branches. I look up, there are no leaves. The trees are so tall they disappear into the cloudless sky, like fireman’s poles reaching for an endless ceiling. I begin to walk, my senses are dull, but I know what is around me; the same branchless trees. The same grey grass. The same pink sky. It felt as though I had only taken three slow steps. Yet I find myself at a gap that I had not seen before me. The grass is gray and the sky is pink, but before me is an abyss; a crack in the monotony. I look down…darkness. Pure, all-engulfing darkness. My feet are at the edge. My foot moves ahead of my body, hovering over the depth. I feel weightless, as if I could just-
My eyes slide open like shutters letting in light, telling me to wake; to rise. I don’t want to move. My body is heavy. My mind is heavier. I rise, as I do with every morning. I get prepared; make myself presentable. I don’t want to leave the warm comfort of sleep; the weightlessness of being without worry, if even for a short time. I know I have to go.
The others around me are all content, happily speaking; rushing to where they have to go as if it’s all that concerns them. They don’t need to escape or to run; this is the world they are content to inhabit. It’s where they are comfortable.
I feel that I can’t be here; or even anywhere. This is where my mind runs rampant. My thoughts hunt me like prey, and no matter how far I get, how much I push them away; they’re there. It’s hard to speak to others. When I reach out a hand for help, it’s quickly chastised by my consciousness. So I try not to.
I return home, set down my studies and enter the bathroom. I don’t like this world much. It’s full of other worldly creatures and the predator that is my psyche. I’ll find one that suits me. I just have to wait. I wait and I wait and I wait. I’m right.
The same grey grass, the same pink sky, the same branchless trees, and the abyss. I feel weightless again. The anguish is lifted and I feel safe and embraced by this. My foot moves willingly in front of me, hovering once again over the endlessness. This time I give in to the weightlessness, I set myself free.