“You’re gonna be late!”
“CALM DOWN MOM I’M FINE!!!!”
“No you’re not!”
“Stop mom this is why I’m leaving” She was right. I am going to be late. My plane leaves in an hour and the airport is twenty minutes away. I couldn’t wait to leave. When I first graduated college I had no idea what to do with a business degree. But after sleeping through most my classes and bribing some my teachers I graduated and I was ready to leave South Dakota and go to The Big Apple. I listened to the dry road and I ran down stairs and looked at my mother who had a welcoming grimace on her face in annoyance. Without a word we walked to the car and drove all the way to the airport. I grabbed my locket as I watched our house fade into the distance. I did it without realising as it had become a nervous habit. The AGP embedded into it had faded in to barely legible A P. Angelina Grace Pastel. If there’s one thing I’ll always have, it’s my name.
“Bye honey. Make good choices. Send cards” My mother cooed. Who writes letters it’s 2015. Shes so old. We said our goodbyes and I almost started to tear up. Then I left and that was that. I was trying to be strong but my hand was chained to my necklace. After a disturbing experience with TSA I was on the plane. New York, new me. The plane was stuffed to the brim with people. I refused to talk to the people around me but it’s hard to ignore a screaming child and a teen mom when they’re right there. I cannot wait to get off the plane. Sarah had given me an adress and I punched it into my phone hurriedly before the baby woke up. I felt the thud of the ground and I was the first out of there.
The streets of New York, where I belong. Where I hope I belong. I hailed a cab which was harder than I thought. I mean you really need to wave. I gave the guy the address. I was so excited to see Sarah. She hadn’t gone to college and was an artist in her words. More like a starving artist you ask me but that’s none of my business. When I got there she ran out the door and hugged me. She was wearing the same clothes as in High school. I hope I never get that poor.
“Hey girlllll” She slurred. Was she drunk? It’s noon holy crap.
“Hey lets go inside and get some water okay?” I carried my bag up and looked around her apartment which I was surprisingly clean which shouldn’t be that hard because there were 4 rooms. Two bedrooms, a bathroom and a living room. She was in Saint Marks Square too. I remembered her dad was so filthy rich he was practically a living chlicé. Younger women, too many houses to count and just as many ex wives. Once she sobered up she showed me my room and got me comfortable. The room was small and had only a bed, a dresser, a nightside stand and a full length mirror. We had Jack and Jill style rooms so we shared the bathroom. This was the teenage dream. Girl and her best friend move to tackle the big apple. So we talked and talked and partied and ate. Sarah said it was the “bestest club evarrr” but I didn’t remember it.
It had been seven months since I moved in and may I say I was living the dream. I had a job and friends and the only thing I was lacking was money. I hadn’t paid my part of the rent for five months and Sarah and I fought about it all the time. My mom said my YOLO life style was unreasonable. She was right and I knew it. I partied every night and spent all my money on alcohol. I usually showed up to work hungover. Okay so maybe I wasn’t living the dream but I was having fun and thats all that mattered. . . right? I heard the door open and Sarah stepped inside.
“Hey” I yelled from my bedroom.
“Hey do you have your rent”
That was due today? Oh sh-
“You have missed it five of the seven times you have lived here!” I didn’t answer in fear of being slaughtered “Oh my god Ang get it together! you are out of control. I can’t keep doing this you owe me 10,000 dollars. Do you even know how much it costs? 2,000 dollars. Two zero zero zero.
“I’m sorry I just don’t have enough money”
“But you have enough money to go shopping every weekend?”
“Really? How is it different because I make it work”
“Well not all of us have rich parents”
“Why? You know it’s true”
“My dad cut me off”
“What?” My eyes widened and my hand gravitated toward my necklace which was almost flat. “ Why didn’t you tell me? Oh my god I’m so sorry” In truth I felt she deserved it. Her whole life she had been a princess but now her Louboutins had lost their sparkle. I guess she got to keep all her old stuff though because she was wearing Alexander Wang and had a Gucci hand bag. I almost laughed thinking about her live versus mine. When I came to NYC I thought it was my time but the city stopped for no one.
“you should go” she
“I have no where to go”
And I did. I figured she would call me back. I knew we were struggling but I didn’t know it was this bad. I was alone in on the streets so I went to the office. I showered, and changed then promptly fell asleep at my desk. I awoke to the sound of a sharp “You’re fired”. I didn’t even try to battle it I just left.
So I found myself walking around Central Park until I sat down on a bench. I felt thirsty and tired and worn out physically and mentally. Why did I drink myself to sleep? Why couldn’t I have showed up to work more than twice a week? Why didn’t I save my money? There was only one thing I knew as I sat alone, broke and homeless on that bench, I can’t do it all and I didn’t do it all. I reached for my hollow locket in hope something could help me. Praying some magical necklace power would be unleashed and I would be in South Dakota wishing I was anywhere else. All I wanted was not to be so dumb. I knew I had to stop waiting for something to happen and do it myself which was nearly impossible.
I called my mom and flew home. The trip was embarrassing, even shameful but I knew it was right. Then I was back where I started except I had lost money and gained knowledge. I called Sarah but I figured she blocked me because all of the thirty two times I had called it had gone straight to voicemail but who’s counting? I needed something but what. My mom said a job and my friends said Jesus but I said hope which I was most certainly out of. Then I literally found love in a hopeless place. Love of helping people. People who still had potential. People who weren’t total screw ups yet that is. They showed me hope and passion and made me feel better. Thats all I needed and I got it because before I knew it I was back on my feet. I had enrolled in graduate school at Nebraska School Of Psychology but this time I’d do it right.