I truly wished that divorce was never a choice in my past marriage life, but now here I am, going on to the third wedding these past 10 years.
Walking down the aisle wasn't as exciting as before. I can see my surroundings with my mother crying on my father's shoulder from seeing her baby all grown up, once again. My aunt is of course standing beside them looking annoyed as ever. The funny thing is I know she isn't annoyed by my mother's crying. I know what's really in her mind-”why the fuck can't you stay married”. Looking forward I can see my not-so-little sister again holding the gold ring while blasting music in her ear jamming out. She never really cared for these events. All I really care about is if she drops that ring I will choke her with these roses. The pastor looks quite happy, well the third pastor I ever had. Bringing back the previous pastors would be really embarrassing knowing that he would have to marry me off again. Why am i even getting married again? What if he hurts me like the two others did. Breaking my heart and not even caring like our vows were just a phase we went through. God, just thinking about it takes me back to my first marriage.
***
“Omg John, hurry the hell up or we will be late for my family's thanksgiving dinner,” I yelled running down the stairs with one of my heels dangling from the clutches of my mouth.
“Lisa, have you seen my blue tie upstairs,” John said as he scurried into the kitchen. Wait, what… blue? Your kidding right.
“ John,” I exclaimed, “It's a red, orange and yellow color theme event, why the hell are you wearing blue?” Silence was then sudden for a moment until I saw his small head peek out from the entrance of the corner of the kitchen.
“Lisa, you know your man looks best in blue,plus it will make me look more noticeable,” he argued. Ugh, i forgot about his narcissistic ass.
“look”, I replied,” can't you just please wear the red tie I picked out for you, my grandma is really into this dress code rule”. With a long miserable sigh he yanked off his blue tie and ran upstairs. I swear, he can be a total child. Putting on my other shoe my phone suddenly then vibrated in my small purse hanging from my side. I believe I just got a message. Checking it, it read my mom saying:
“You're late!!”
Looking over at the clock it read 2:45, I was suppose to be there at 2:10. Without replying I yelled John's name once more, turning off the lights and racing out the door to start up the car. I threw my purse in the back seat and beeped the car repeating until the door opened revealing my childish husband. He ran to the car literally throwing himself inside and slamming the door like we were being chased. Buckling his seatbelt I smiled seeing he is wearing the red tie, but knowing this dude something isn't right. Looking down at his shoes I saw him wearing blue laced boots up his leg.
“John!” I barked,” what. are. those”.
“ Well,” he began, “ You said I can't wear a blue tie so I just wore blue shoes, don't you remember babe, I wore these on our first date.” Oh yeah, I remember the laughing stocks we were walking down the street. Totally. Not even arguing I drove out of the driveway making my way down the street to the stop light. Little did he know I am gripping this steering wheel tightly with a genuine smile he assumes I have.
Twenty minutes later I made it to my grandma's house and I can see her waving at my car. Parking my car I ran up to my mom who had that “ I raised you better” face.
“sorry mom, traffic and stuff..you know,” I struggled to say, but as usual she turned away making her way to the house. John and I followed behind and I swear eyes swarmed us like pissed off wasp.
“ Lisaaa, my baby!” I turned around from the surprise greeting to see my grandma take over me in monster hugs.
“ Come, come, the family is gathering in the dining room for dinner,”she exclaimed. letting go of me we walked to the kitchen where my family was already seated. When the hell did that happen. two chairs at the end of the table awaited me and john. without second thought we scurried to our seat not wanting to take up anymore time. My grandmother who was across from us signaled everyone to hold hands for prayer. I looked around noticing everyone here, from aunts to uncles. cousins. sisters,brothers,and then my mother and father smiling at me on the way end. I smiled back because working so hard at home I barely get to see them, I'm really grateful for this moment. I closed my eyes with a finally genuine smile I didn't have all day to hear a loud CRUNCH! I opened one eye to see my oh so great husband already devouring my grandmother's homemade dinner pretzels. The family looked our way staring at john and I.
“Lisa,” my father then said, “ control it, NOW!” MY cousins then burst out in laughter and my mother started to rub her temples.
“God damnit John, you aren't suppose to eat until after prayer,” I said. He then looked at me in shock and slowly put the pretzel back down. Wait, he didnt argue back, he always does.
“Alright”, my grandma then said,” let's say our prayers and eat”. Hesitation has past and my grandmother said the prayer we always say before any celebration dinner. After, chatting around the table then started up again and John showed no sign of interest in any of this. Looking over I saw John slowly taking out his phone,sending a message. Seconds later my phone buzzed in my purse. i took it out and saw that John had texted me. Why? we are literally next to each other, opening it, it said:
“The pretzel tasted like shit anyways”
I slammed my fist on the table making the whole table go silent at my action.
“Lisa?” my grandma then said with a worried attitude. i can't tell her. These pretzels mean so much to her, they were the last thing my grandfather, AKA, her husband ate before he past away…
***
Focus came back to me and I was still walking down the aisle. The dinner went as planned and I apologized for my rudeness but John was a total jackass. We argued when we got back home and I decided at two o'clock AM to pack my stuff and go to my grandmas. I haven't heard from him ever since. He is probably tormenting another girl, so I wish her the best of luck. Sooner or later she will be fed up with his childish acts anyways. It was best to just move on. Reaching the end of the aisle I can see my “soon to be” smiling at me. I dont think it was noticed that I smiled back do to this stupid veil over my face. Looking from my view I signaled the pastor that he can start. Suddenly, hands slowly grabbed mine and a flashback flew into my head, a flashback into my other mistake. I wanted to let go but the memories invaded my head like a stampede of wild boars.
***
“Lisa, I'm going to the store for tonight's super bowl game snacks, you want anything in particular?” Richard said as he was tying up his shoes.
”No thanks babe, I gotta work on this assignment and honestly I'm not even that hungry,” I replied. He then sat up from the couch and tip toed to my desk giving me a surprise kiss on my forehead while wrapping his arms around me.
“ Aww,you're always working, we don't even have time to do fun wife and husband stuff.” Smiling at his comment I then looked down at his finger to not see our gold wedding ring. “Richard,” I began, “Where is your wedding ring?”. Richard took that moment to look at his wedding finger with an alert face.
“Oh, i'm sorry hun, when I was washing the dishes I took it off and put it on the counter, I'll put it back on right now,” he replied letting go of me and running to the kitchen. I don't blame him really because he did love that wedding ring, and he did like to keep it clean. Going back to my work I heard the sound of keys moving to the door.
“I'm leaving now to go get the snacks,are you sure you are good?” Richard said opening the door to leave. I spinned around in my chair to face him and then said,
“ I'm sure hun, just go before it starts”. He smiled at me and blew me a kiss before he closed the door. Seconds had passed and I can hear the car going out of the driveway. If I focus now I'm sure i will finish it before he returns.
Twenty minutes went by and I can hear the car pull up in the driveway. I finished my work and was tidying up the living room a little for him and his friends.
“Finally, I'm done,” I said as I put the last candle in the drawer. The door bell ringed and I peeped through the hole to see richard and two other guys. Opening the door they looked at me with total shock like they were not even expecting a girl. Sorry guys but this girl is taken.
“Hey hun, sorry i'm late I went to go pick these three up too, you know, just to be nice,” Richard said as he slowly came in with his friends tagging behind him.
“Oh”, he exclaimed, “ this is Josh”, he said pointing to wa brown head guy. He looked kind of miserable if you asked me.
“Also,” Richard continued, “ this is Stanley and Stan”. They were twins with red hair.
“Nice to meet you lisa and thanks for having us over and blah blah”, Jake then said as he walked to the living room plopping himself on the couch, my couch. I ignored that action because guys ar guys, right? Stanley and Stan walked after him after giving me a soft smile.
“Lisa,” Richard said cutting me fro my deep thinking. I looked over to him and he then handed me two bags filled with junk food and the thing I hate the most, liquor.
“ Do you mind handling this for me,” he spoke softly as he touched my cheek passing by me into the living room. I ignored that action once more because I knew It was gonna be a long day.
I set up the living room table with all of the stuff they bought as they just sat there and chatted to one another. It was weird because I couldn't quite hear them no matter how hard I tried. It was really irritating. I felt eyes looking at me as I faced my back against them. Finished with the table a suddenly felt a huge wave of pain come across my behind. Turning around I can see Richard smirking at me while shaking his hand in the air.
“Told you she liked it,” Richard said as he gave Josh an highfive.
“ Richard!” I yelled,” that wasn't cool at all,and did you just say I liked it? what is your deal?” The boys just stared at me like I was talking another language. I can feel myself starting to shake from the anger building inside of me. Storming out of the house I made my way to the back porch from embarrassment. It was getting late and I can really tell because the sun was setting right in front of me. Choosing this house was not a mistake because the view was amazing. It gave me a memory on why I actually chose it. No body came out for me that night and honestly I didn't care. It was getting kind of cold so I decided to go back inside to find that the house was quiet then usual. I walked to the living room to see it in a trash. Richard was passed out on the couch releasing a loud snore from his deep slumber. His friends were gone, thank god. I tip toed up to his sleeping form to poke him.
“ Wake up Richard, wake up and help me clean up,” I said continuing to poke him. He groaned for a moment until his eyes shot open directly at me. He smelled of nothing but alcohol. Before I could say anything he grabbed my arm and looked at me,intensely.
“Lisa,hey,uh.. I do..don't this this is working, you know, you and me..,” Richard said. For a moment my heart stopped and I grew stiff. I didn't want to end it with another guy,not like the first time. Without giving me a chance to reply he got up from the couch and made his way to the stairs and up. What did I do? Why is he leaving me? I thought things would be different with him, but I guess I was wrong because he didn't even put back on his wedding ring.
***
I gasped really loudly looking to my “next to be married” staring at me with a small smile, but a concern face. The pastor was still talking. My hands were starting to sweat and it felt kind of uncomfortable. Looking around I saw the white church. Small decorations resembling angels were floating in the air. The church looked as if it was glowing. The bells outside starting to ring and I can hear small chants from the people, family, and friends ready to throw white roses at me
again..
Wish me the best
again..
Take pictures of me in a different beautiful wedding dress
again..
To make another mistake?
maybe..
I won't make the same mistake again, ever. Without a second thought the pastor touched my shoulder. It's time to say what I had not once but twice before. It will work right? I do? Yes, I do..