I gazed at the dark horizon, watching the storm clouds roll closer to our house.  The trees shook and leaves whirled past the window.  My parents were running frantically through the house, pulling out electrical plugs.  I turned and saw my ten-year-old brother Alex dragging his duffel bag upstairs to his room.  His eyes were downcast and his footsteps were heavy.  I rose from the sofa to go and cheer him up, but my dad called from the kitchen.

“Joseph! Can you get the rest of our stuff from the lawn!”

            I groaned and swiveled towards the front door.  Our picnic gear was still heaped in a pile, having been tossed from the back of the car.  I opened the front door and was buffeted by a strong wind.  With effort, I managed to drag the bags back inside.  A few razor-like leaves had sliced my skin, forming thin lines of crimson.  I slammed the door shut and the howl of the impending storm was muted.  

I trudged up the staircase after kicking the bags to the side of the hallway.  Stopping at Alex’s room, I peered inside.  Alex was face down on the bed.  I pushed the door open and walked in.  I began to pat Alex’s head after sitting next to him on the bed.  I knew that I should say some words of comfort, but I was never quick with words.  I strove to be a supportive brother who was always there to help.  That was the type of person I had promised to be after Alex’s accident.  So I kept patting Alex’s damp head for a minute, looking around his room.

 “What?” a muffled voice sniffled.

 “I’m sorry that we had to cut your birthday party short. I know that you were having a lot of fun.”

My family had driven to a lake a couple miles off to celebrate my brother’s birthday.  Just supposed to be a nice day out with cake and food.  Late into the afternoon, Alex and I were fishing when we heard on the radio that a big thunderstorm was heading our way.  After talking for a bit, our parents decided to head back home.  Alex’s face contorted into a scowl when our parents told us the bad news.  He didn’t cry, but his grimace had remained fixed like a grotesque statue for the rest of the car ride home.  

“I’m not sad about it,” Alex exclaimed.  “I’m not a baby!”

“Of course you’re not,” I replied soothingly, glancing at his small, round face.        “We can always go picnic again, it isn’t far.  Also, if we had stayed, we would have been barbecued by that lightning thunderstorm!”

Alex cracked a grin and wiped away a tear.  “I guess you’re right.”

            “I know I’m right! Now let’s go downstairs and play some Monopoly.”

I helped Alex off the bed and was guiding him out of the room when he halted.  Turning around, he ran toward his bed and began to throw the blankets off the mattress.

“Hey, Joey, have you seen Oscar?” Alex whispered urgently.  Oscar was Alex’s beloved brown teddy bear.  Alex always carried Oscar around with him after the accident.  He had even told me that Oscar was a better friend than me.  Alex didn’t mean anything by saying that, but the jest hurt, especially since my heart throbbed with guilt over what had happened.  

“No, I haven’t.  Did you pack him when we left?”

“I’m pretty sure I did…” Alex paused to think, lips set in a tight line.  “Wait a minute… Didn’t I give Oscar to you before we left?”

“No, why would you have given me Oscar…….” I froze, clenching the doorknob.  I remembered it clearly.  Alex had given Oscar to me to pack in my bag before we left, but as I leaned to tie my shoe a moment later, I placed Oscar on the bench next to me.  

“Wait here,” I ordered.

I raced downstairs and grabbed my bag.  I dumped everything in it onto the living room table with a clatter.  No Oscar.  Sweat trickled down my neck.  An image of a forlorn teddy bear in the dirt flashed through my mind.

I raced up the wooden stairs, almost slipping on the last step.  After wobbling a bit before regaining my balance, I took a deep breath and slowly stepped into Alex’s room.

 “Okay, try not to freak out.  Oscar wasn’t in my backpack, and I might have left him back in the camping ground.”

Alex was still for a moment before he realized the significance of my words.  His eyes became misty and his face turned maroon.  Cries began to bubble up his throat.  Uh-oh.  A single, fat tear drop ran down his pudgy cheek.

“I’ll get Oscar back don’t worry Alex!” I declared.  “The lake isn’t that far off.”

Alex looked at me with his bushy eyebrows arched.  He pointed to the window.

“You’re going to run three and a half miles to get Oscar in that storm,” he snorted.

I looked at the window with a sinking feeling.  The thunder clouds were close to our house now and I could faintly hear the raindrops against the pavement.  I swallowed and turned to face Alex.  He looked at me, devastated.  His face had lost its red color and had taken on a yellowish hue.  The corners of his mouth were angled downwards and his big brown eyes welled with despair.

“Don’t worry Alex,” I repeated. “Three miles is nothing.  The rain will just be refreshing.”  I croaked, adding a nervous chuckle.

I hurried out of his room and into mine.  I slipped on a pair of rain boots, pants and a jacket.  Then I grabbed my umbrella and walked back into Alex’s room.

“Alex don’t tell Mom and Dad, okay?  Tell them I’m resting in my room because I’m tired.”

“Wait, are you really going out there?  I mean, it still looks pretty bad,” Alex whispered in awe.

“Yeah,” I put on a brave face.  “We go to that lake all the time. I know the way there like the back of my hand.  Plus, according to the Weather Channel, the storm will be over in less than thirty minutes.  It won’t be that bad.”

I hugged Alex and closed the door.  As I crept down the stairs, I fidgeted at each creaking step, anxious to not attract my parents’ attention.  I tiptoed to the back door and held the cold metal doorknob.  I knew that if I opened the door, my parents would hear the door squeak.  I had to wait for the right moment.  I wiped the sweat off my brow.  A clap of thunder boxed my eardrums and shook my body.  Another crackle of thunder shook my house and I thrust open the door, ignoring the buzzing in my skull.

The rain slammed into me from above and I fought to keep my footing on the slippery pavement.  It felt as if I was pushing back an ocean wave with my umbrella instead of rain droplets.  I bit my bottom lip and plodded forward, blinking in a futile attempt to clear my vision.  After only walking for a little, I dove behind one of my neighbors houses, gasping for breath.

What was I doing? I might kill myself trying to retrieve a toy.  I had to walk more than three miles and I barely survived ten minutes.  I glanced at the street sign to judge my bearings.  Maple Street.  What do you know.  I was just a few blocks away from the scene of the accident two years ago.  

******

I could never forget that day.  Alex was getting on my nerves as we walked back home from a long day of school.  I snapped at him, tired of his incessant chatter.  He retorted and before long our voices escalated into shouts.  He ran ahead as I stayed behind fuming.  It all happened so quickly after that.  Alex sprinting across the street, trying to catch the light.  A blue streak swerved around the curb, and the car barreled into Alex with a crunch.

“ALEX!”

Alex’s collarbone, ribs, and leg had been broken, but he survived.  His recovery in the hospital was slow and painful.  Sleeping pills were the only means to alleviate his discomfort.  I sat by him during his spasms, holding his hand tightly until our hands were blotchy white and red.  That was the only thing I could do.  I couldn’t shield my brother from the burning claws digging into his ribs.  I was unable to brush off the blanket of needles that wrapped his leg.  After the doctor examined Alex’s x-rays, he warned us that Alex may have a slight permanent limp and would most likely have trouble running from now on.

Two weeks later when Alex was well enough to talk, I handed him a gift.

“I got this for you.  As a token of apology.”

Alex pulled the teddy bear closer to his face, studying it.  It wasn’t a unique bear.  Just a brown, furry bear with massive circular eyes.

“It’s so soft!” Alex proclaimed. “I’m going to name it Oscar!”

I laughed, relieved by Alex’s approval and pleased with my choice.

As I looked at Alex playing with Oscar, I resolved that as Alex’s older brother, it was my responsibility, no, duty to keep him safe.  I would not let him down again.

******

I felt icy waves sliding down my neck and spine as I thought about Oscar.  Those old memories rekindled each time I saw that little bear; he was a symbol. The rain didn’t seem like it would let up, but I didn’t care.  After adjusting my hood, I set my teeth and then stepped out of the cover of the house.  I marched forward with my shoulders set behind the umbrella, resting every fifteen minutes or so, hiding behind fences and walls.  I continued in this slow fashion.  

Finally, I faced the road that led to the lake.  The rain had torn the thin, cheap fabric of my umbrella in multiple areas, allowing tiny waterfalls to stream into my eyes.  A massive gust of wind ripped the umbrella from my weak grip.  Powerful winds instantly smothered me.  I felt coldness pervade my senses, severing my body from my mind.  I snarled and yanked my hood over my eyes.  I was jostled from side to side by the gale.  I staggered in zigzags like a drunkard, barely moving forward.  The raindrops felt like steel pellets as they battered my skin.  I kept my head down and careened forward.

The deluge lessened around an hour and a half later.  The dark clouds dissipated and sunlight pushed through.  Rows of drooping trees stood on either side as I trod over the sodden path.  Shining raindrops trickled off the leaves as I passed.  Dewdrops in the grass glimmered like crystals.  Branches swayed gently in the breeze.  The scent of pine was sharp and reinvigorating.  The forest was still and quiet, basking in the final rays of the sun.  The only evidence of the violent storm were the various trees that had been knocked down, their great trunks splintered.  There were also the occasional dead squirrels, buried by twigs and leaves.  I had to be careful not to step on one of those.  The campsite was just ahead.  I began to run forward, ignoring my straining muscles and light-headedness.  I slid to a stop at the entrance of the campsite and took in the scene.  A massive tree rested on top of the fragments of the table and bench where I had left Oscar.  My hands clenched into fists and I trembled.

No! No! No! No!

I stumbled forward but slipped immediately.  I crawled back up, my face and limbs covered in slick mud.  Suddenly my hand brushed something cold, wet, and furry.  I scrambled back in shock.

Did I just touch a dead animal?

I was filled with revulsion as I clutched my stomach.  I scrambled away from the mangled creature sprawled in the dirt.  Its matted fur bristled with pine needles.  A single, dull, black eye gazed at me lifelessly.  When the green spots faded from my vision, I inched forward, inspecting the mysterious object with fascinated horror.  My fingers must have touched one of its arms that stuck out of the twigs.  Strange.  Its limb was rounded at the end, with no indication of claws or fingers.  A thought sprang in my mind and I tore the debris off the animal, pulling it loose.  It was Oscar.  He was caked with mud, adorned with leaves and one of his large eyes was missing.  Oscar’s left ear was also gone and some of the stitching in the left side of his face was nearly pulled out.  It didn’t matter.  I had found him.  Cradling my little brother’s treasure in my arms, I collapsed, laughing with relief, delight, and perhaps a touch of insanity.

As I walked out onto the highway, a car pulled up and I found myself face-to-face with my dad.  He frowned when he saw Oscar and said “That ain’t gonna be fun to fix”.  He then ushered me into our car and drove me home in silence.  I walked into the house without looking at anybody and collapsed on my bed.  When I had gained enough energy, my parents unleashed their wrath onto me for one straight hour, chastising me for being reckless.  I endured the onslaught of rebukes, nodding and apologizing profusely.  After they left, Alex came in to talk.

“Joey, I’m really grateful for what you did, but you didn’t have to do it,” Alex remarked.  “It’s not like I can’t live without Oscar.”

“Wait what?” I was baffled.  “Are you happy that Oscar is back or not?” I asked, groaning as I sat up.  My adventure had left me with serious bruises, scrapes, and sore muscles.  It was a trial to even sit up now, but I didn’t pay much attention to my pains.  I was just happy that I was able to fulfill my promise.

“Of course I am!” Alex beamed.

“Then why are you saying that I didn’t have to get Oscar?”

“Well, I mean, you could’ve been killed out there.  I need you with me.”

“Really?” I chuckled.  “Didn’t you always say that Oscar was a better friend than me?”

“I was just kidding,” Alex admitted.  “Oscar’s just a toy.  Who else’s gonna look out for me besides you?” He grinned.

I was dumbstruck for a few seconds as I digested Alex’s words.  A slow smile spread across my face and I reclined into the bed.

“Yeah, I’ll always be there.”