“The Case of a Math Test in a Court of Stuffed Animals ”

“Order, order in the court!” she shouted, slamming the mallet down on the table in rhythmatic squeaks. Immediately, the room went silent. It unnerved her, having everyone’s beady little eyes on her, but she was the judge, so she had to maintain a dignified look. “Alright.” She took a seat, scooting the chair forward  little bit so that she could rest her elbows on the table without having to lean forward. “We are here today to discuss the case of Lily Price. Mr. Sprinkles, can, I mean, may you please give us the details?”

“I can, your honor,” the zebra started, starting to slump in his chair. “You see, Miss Price has promised time and time again that she’ll do well on her math tests, but every single time, she fails.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sprinkles. Now, Miss Price…” Lily hopped down from the rolly chair and dashed to one across from her, quickly taking her seat and patting down the creases on her polka-dot dress. The blue ribbon needed adjustment, but she doubted that anyone would notice.

“Yes, your honor?” She ran back to the judge’s chair.

“Is what Mr. Sprinkles said true? That you promised to do good on your math tests? That you keep failing?”

“I did promise to do good on my math tests, but I didn’t fail on the last one! I actually did pretty well, if I do say so myself.” The judge frowned at her.

“Mrs. Fluffypants, do you have any evidence that could disprove her claims? Oh!” the judge trotted over to where Mrs. Fluffypants was plopped on the ground and picked her up, carefully placing her back on the chair. “I’m sorry about that! Are you okay?”

“Yes, your honor, thank you.” Mrs. Fluffypants cleared her throat. “As a matter of fact, I do have some evidence.” She looked around, a frown forming on her face. “I seem to have misplaced the paper. Can you give me a moment?”

“Sure thing--I mean, take your time.”

Lily twisted a strand of curly brown hair as the cat rummaged through her bag. Did she really have it? Her last test? She really hoped not. That could spell a lot of trouble for her. Her eyes couldn’t help but drift towards the clock, watching the seconds hand make its rounds.

Minutes passed, and Mrs. Fluffypants still hadn’t found it. Today must be her lucky day!

“Aha!” Nevermind. “Here it is, your honor! The evidence!” She held the test up into the air.

“Bring it here, Mrs. Fluffypants.” When the judge took the paper, her heart dropped. She stared at her feet as she looked it over, sitting every second in excruciating silence. “Miss Price, you said that you did pretty well on your last test, correct?”

“Yes, your honor.”

“So, by pretty well, do you mean getting only a single problem right?” She turned the test towards everyone, a collective gasp being released among the jury. Lily couldn’t bring herself to speak. She was so ashamed.

“Hold on one moment, your honor!” a voice called from the crowd. Turning her head, she could see her best friend Butters, his fur a disheveled mess as usual.

“What is it, young man?”

“How do you know that that is Lily’s test for sure?”

“Well, it has her name on it.”

“But that doesn’t mean that it’s her test!” The judge folded her hands, tilting her head in interest.

“Would you care to explain?”

“Yes, your honor. You see, it could be just like what happened in the Peanuts movie, when Charlie Brown and the redhead girl frantically grabbed for their papers and ended up writing their names on the wrong ones. Lily could’ve went up to hand in her test along with another student, but they both forgot to put their names on it. So, they grabbed whatever paper they could get, wrote their names on it, and handed it in.”

“Hm...you do raise a good point, but has Lily ever forgotten her name on a worksheet before?”

“Yes, your honor, she has. Lily is forgetful; she’s forgotten to bring in something for show-and-tell, she’s forgotten to return a library book, she’s forgotten to do homework, and she’s most-certainly forgotten to put her names on papers.” Lily winced with every listed fault. She appreciated that Butters was trying to help, she really did, but he didn’t have to bring up more than he needed to.

“She’s forgetful, you say?” The judge tapped her chin, pondering. That couldn’t be a good sign. “While you did raise a good point, it’s likely that this is her test. These answers certainly look like her handwriting, and if I’ve heard correctly, her teacher collects the tests herself instead of having the students pile them up.”

“Is there any proof of this?”

“We do not have solid evidence, and I doubt Miss Price would like to say whether or not her teacher collects the tests.” She turned to her, lips curling in disappointment. “Assuming that this is your test...did you fail because you never do your work?”

“I couldn’t have failed because I always do my work!”

“But your friend here just said that you forget to do your homework.”

“While I do forget my homework sometimes, I always complete my classwork! It may not seem like much, but it’s enough to get me by!”

“Hm...the question is, how do you do on your classwork?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you always complete your classwork, but you never mentioned your grade on said classwork.”

“Um...well, I didn’t really see a point to bring up my grade.” Sweat was starting to build up on the palms of her hands. This isn’t good.

“Miss Price, in your case, we need all of the information we can get, and how you perform on your classwork and homework is most certainly a factor in how well you do on a math test. So, let me ask you again: how do you do on your classwork?” She didn’t respond, she couldn’t respond. Tears were already welling up in her eyes. Lily knew she couldn’t drag this out forever; she’d miss out on her favorite show. She should respond, she has to respond. “How do you do on your-”

“I do really badly, okay?!” The court was taken aback by her sudden reply. “I just...I just don’t get it. None of it makes sense to me!”

“Don’t you ask for help?” the judge asked, sympathy clear in her voice. Lily shook her head. “Why not?”

“No one else asks for help, and it’d be embarrassing if everyone knew that I am the one person who doesn’t understand it! They all make it look so easy, quickly adding and subtracting their twos and fours and sixes and eights. I just…” she sunk back into her chair, burying her face in her hands. “I don’t get it. I-I don’t get it at all. I’ll never amount to anything-”

“Objection!” a voice cried out from behind her, grabbing her attention. Through bleary eyes, she sees her dad, wearing the pastel yellow shirt she picked out for him and a pair of blue jeans. His brow was furrowed with concern. He cleared his throat. “Mr. Sprinkles, why is it so bad that Lily doesn’t do well on her tests.”

“W-well,” he stammered, “she promised that she’d do well.”

“So?”

“It was a promise!”

“But was it a pinky promise?” The zebra didn’t reply. “Don’t you know that a promise isn’t a promise unless it was a pinky promise?”

“I do, but how do you know for sure that she didn’t do a pinky promise?” Mrs. Fluffypants asked.

“I know, for I was the one she promised!” Lily rubbed her eyes.

“Oh?” The judge leaned forward in her chair. “If you were the one she promised, then how do you feel about her failed math test?”

“I have no problems with it. If she’s bad at math, then she’s bad at math, and there’s nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, I was a poor math student myself.” Lily’s eyes widened with surprise.

“You were?”

“Indeed I was.”

“Hmm…” the judge scratched her chin thoughtfully. “I think we’ve gotten as much information as we could get out of this trial, so it’s time to arrive at the final verdict.” She turned to look at the jury, who were now huddled together, whispering. A few moments later, they stop and face her. Mr. Sprinkles was the one who spoke up.

“We, the jury, have decided that Lily Price is not guilty.” Lily let out a small breath of relief and looked at her dad, triumph glittering in his brown eyes.

 

“Alright, I guess that this is case closed,” she announced, a smile creasing her lips.