Senior     

“I know this won’t matter or make a difference but I do love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

He didn’t mean it. He was just looking for a quicker way to exit, but he broke every hallway inside of me just to leave.

 

-K-

 

It was around 5pm and I was getting ready for open house. My phone went off. A name I was supposed to delete popped up.

“Hey, can we talk?”

 

“What do we have to talk about?”

 

“Us. i miss you.”

-HIM-

 

It had been a couple days since i let her go. Well not let her go, got bored, and tossed her away. I went back to my ex, Tanya, yeah i missed her and everything but this girl right here is so much more fun. It was around 5pm and i don't think she would be busy at all. Hey maybe she misses me i mean look at me i'm great. Who wouldn't miss me? I went through my contacts and i found her name, sitting there like a puppy waiting to be brought home.

“Hey, can we talk?”

 

“What do we have to talk about?”

 

Hm. now what? Maybe she's mad, shit. I just want some fun.

 

“Us. I miss you.”

 

She kept texting me and i knew i was in. she got the bait and i was gonna pull her and her heart in.

-K-

“Us. I miss you.”

Wow he missed me. I didn't think there was much to miss. It made me smile thinking that someone missed me. If i was smart, i would have ignored him and went on with my life. I wasn't smart. He apologized in long paragraphs through a screen but never to my face. I believed every word he sent, I believed he was actually sorry. We never even dated we just talked but it felt like we were dating but I felt different this time. I left and his messages continued to overrule my mind. I was happy. I thought it was going to work. He came back, this has to work. I missed him even though he had hurt me. The night had ended and his apologies came to a halt. We were now currently talking about his trip. He was in Michigan. He wanted to facetime, but I was too tired.

 

-HIM-

 

We had kept talking the whole night. I spent it apologizing, trying to have her give me a second chance. It worked, we started to act like it never happened. I started to talk about my trip, I was in Michigan. I was going to facetime her, so I could see her. I missed her face, she was cute I wasn't going to lie, but I don't think she was the one for me. That doesn't mean I couldn’t have fun.

 

-K-

 

Almost every morning i had woken up to a sweet message. It would make me so happy to see that he actually cared about me. I know they were just text messages but it made it seem like he was trying.

 

“Good morning beautiful.”

 

“Good morning babu.”

 

-HIM-

 

I had to step up my game in this. Maybe I could just fake a relationship. I sent her cute messages in the morning. Things like;

“Good morning beautiful.”

 

“Good morning babu.”

 

I had got babu when i complimented her picture and had meant baby but i type way to fast and of course she made fun of it. So babu was her new nickname.

 

-K-

 

Babu. i know what your thinking. What on earth is a babu? It was a nickname that was bestowed upon me. Hes given me a nickname, this has to be real. Time to time i would wonder why we weren’t dating. I usually just shook it off. I would recieve cute messages in bulk.

“You’re so beautiful.”

 

“I shouldn't have left you for her.”

 

“You're honestly so amazing.”

 

“You're all i want.”

 

-HIM-

 

My game with making this chick smile was amazing. I guess coming up with cute things to say really does work. I mean I really meant none of it but hey she's fun to mess with. I came up with things like;

“You're so beautiful.”

 

“I shouldn't have left you for her.” But I did and I can’t change that. This was just something to do, I don’t think it will hurt her.

 

“You're honestly so amazing.” i mean i guess shes okay.

 

“You're all i want.” I should win a grammy.

I decided to grab her heart and pull every string.

“Do you want to hang out after school on friday, and go on a photoshoot?”

 

-K-

 

“Do you want to hang out after school on friday, and go on a photoshoot?”

My insides were screaming. This had to be 100% real. He wants to see me.

“What would we even take pictures of?”

 

-HIM-

 

Okay well i knew when i was going to ask that there would be questions. I knew I had to sell this one.

“What would we even take pictures of?”

I got it.

“I was thinking of taking photos of the foliage because it's fall, but you're honestly so much more beautiful than leaves.”

That was gonna knock her off her feet.

 

-K-

 

“I was thinking of taking photos of the foliage because it's fall, but you're honestly so much more beautiful than leaves.”

I'm more beautiful than a leaf! In my mind i thought that was such a great compliment. I really thought he was going to ask me out. I knew I had to ask him to make sure all of this was still happening.

“Hey are we still on for friday?”

 

-HIM-

 

“Hey are we still on for friday?”

 

Shit. i did not think she would remember, i was highly hoping that she wouldn't.

 

“Um. itll depend on my mood. I'll keep you posted though.”

 

God i hope this works. What did I get myself into?

 

-K-

 

“Um. itll depend on my mood. I'll keep you posted though.”

 

Friday had come and i was nervous to what he was going to say. I really wanted to see him in person. All i had seen him on was facetime and passing in the halls where id wave hi. He never did wave to me, it was weird.

“Sorry babu, i can't today. It's too hot.”

 

-HIM-

 

Hm i need an excuse. It's friday and she needs an answer.

“Sorry babu, i can't today. It's too hot.”

 

Yeah that'll work.

“How about next Friday?”

 

“Yeah. that sounds perfect.”

 

“I can't wait to finally hang out with you.”

Im safe. I honestly don't even like seeing her in school. She's so awkward.

 

-K-

“How about next friday?”

 

I was so disappointed.

“Yeah that sounds perfect.”

 

“I can't wait to finally hang out with you.”

Did he? Did he really want to see me? Thoughts like these always bombarded my mind. I constantly thought that he could find someone much prettier and confident. We were talking about clothes and he had shot out a brief yet random comment.

“Hey don't wear your glasses on monday. Wear contacts.”

 

-HIM-

 

I wanted to give her a heart attack. At this point I was getting bored. It was just to have fun,not get attached. I needed to end this. I don't need her getting too clingy. I mean what harm could this do?

“Hey don't wear your glasses on monday. Wear contacts.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it'll be easier to kiss you.”

Now that's what you call a heart attack. I'm not gonna kiss her. She's basically jail bait and who'd ever wanna do that.

 

-K-

 

“Why?”

“Because it'll be easier to kiss you.”

Everything froze. A boy wanted to kiss me. Not just any boy. The boy I like wants to. The thought left my mind when anxiety took over.

“Goodnight babu.”

 

-HIM-

 

“Goodnight babu.”

I wasn't going to bed. I sat in bed and texted her. I started to think about how I should end it. I didn't wanna break her heart. I mean I already did before. Whats a second time gonna do. The thought popped into my mind. I knew what I was gonna do. It was game time.

 

-K-

 

I had fallen asleep and woke up with a smile due to last night’s events. The day had gone on but my mind and mood had drifted away. I ate dinner around 6 and he texted me. The conversation was dry which was unusual.

“Whats wrong?”

 

“Nothing i'm fine.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Actually no. i want to talk to you about something.”

 

My heart stopped as if it was posing for a photo. Those words were so familiar from him, i got scared.

 

“Everyday i feel numb. It's not you but i just can't help it. I just say these sweet things to make you smile. It's not worth for me to stay. I'm just going to keep hurting you. I'm a senior, i'm going to be leaving soon. i don't want to hold you back. You are way too good for me.”

 

Tears were now sprinting off my face. I had just wanted one thing to work out for me. I wanted us to work.

 

“You are my person. We both have issues,you get me. It's just I don't want to keep hurting you.”

 

I thought I was going to explode. My head was pounding from everything.

 

“I think it would be best if we stop this, but I want you to know that you can always text me. I   really want to end this on a good note.”

“There's no way to end this on a good note. You broke my heart again. I trusted you, I gave you a second chance, I believed you.”

 

“I'm so sorry. I truly am. I don't deserve you.”

            

 Everything around me had a wet fog around it. My glasses were coated with tears and mascara. I thought I was going to lose it. My breaths had become quick and I just wanted everything around me to stop. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me again. This time was different, it felt as if he was trying to make me believe I had a chance with him. In the end it was all nothing.

 

“Can I say something?”

 

“Yes, please say anything.”

 

“I know this won't matter or make any difference but I do love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

He didn't mean it. He was just looking for a quicker way to exit, but he broke every hallway inside of me just to leave. I knew that this was the end.

 

“So this is it huh?”

 

“Yeah,yeah it is.”

 

“Goodbye.”

-HIM-

 

I re thought everything I had just done. I broke her heart. I probably broke her. I didn't realize I even had the power to do it. I was just playing, I needed something to occupy my time. A tear fell down my face. I quickly wiped it away. I needed someone to talk to. I picked my phone up and sent Tanya a text.

 

“Hey beautiful. What's up?”