Alyssa

 

How do I tell him that I am in love?

 

Matthew

 

How do I tell her I cheated?

 

Alyssa

 

Of course if we talked that would help I love you was a little too heavy for a conversation starter.

 

Before I spoke I turned my head to face his, “I’m so glad you wanted to go out, I’ve really wanted to spend some alone time with you. It seems whenever we are at home we are disturbed in some way.”

 

He jumped into his chair immediately immersed in his menu. This lighting drew out the green in his eyes, they were a seemingly never ending fluctuation of colors.

 

“Hello, my name is Joshua and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with anything to drink?,” a man stood uncomfortably close to me questioned.

 

“I’ll take a raspberry lemonade please,” I squeaked.

 

“Water, no lemon,” Matthew stated.

 

The waiter raised his eyebrows, “that’ll be right out.”

 

Matthew

 

I’ve mulled over this day and night, yet I still can not find a way. The most elaborate plan I created was to tell her in a middle ground. That brought me there and I was left with no idea what I should do.

 

As we walked to our table, I stepped in front of her to pull out her chair. She sat and looked up to me with such tenderness her lips formed a faint smile. With hopes of delaying conversation I looked into my menu. I could not  tell her she looked so secure and happy. She did not deserve any of this. I was terrible.

 

Our waiter sauntered over to the table and gawked at Alyssa. He turned his back to me and spoke just to Alyssa fumbling over his greeting.

 

“I’ll have a raspberry lemonade please,” she giggled.

 

“Water, no lemon,” He needed to get out of my face and especially her’s.

Alyssa

 

His head is again buried in his menu, his eyebrows furrowed. I wish he would have let me into his head. He looked so gentle while he thought, his lips slightly parted open. The freckles that littered his cheeks formed intricate patterns and shapes. If you followed the freckle at the side of his nose to those under his eye there was the faintest outline of a heart. I wanted to lean across the table and delicately trace my finger over them.

 

“Are you ready to order, or are you going to feast with your eyes instead,” he chuckled. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth his eyes crinkled as he smiles. A lingering heat in my stomach creeped onto my cheeks and I placed my finger between my teeth to distract myself.

 

“No need to be embarassed love,” he smirked.

 

“I am not embarrassed and yes I am ready to order,” I huffed. He had this power over me and I am entranced whenever he speaks. He absolutely adored making me blush like a little girl.

 

Matthew

 

I buried my head into the menu even though I ordered the same thing every time. I furrowed my eyebrows to completely sell the look. I could feel her eyes locked on me. She could not possibly know but a feeling a doubt still lingers. Why can’t she just look at her menu? Why must she stare at me? I’m paying for her dinner after I payed for the cab and yet it seems like I have done something wrong. If she didn't just feel me with her eyes maybe I wouldn't of cheated.

 

I need to stop it, I can’t get mad at her because of something that I did. The choice to cheat was mine if I didn't I wouldn't be this paranoid right Now. Let’s ease back into the conversation with a joking manner, “are you ready to order, or are you going to feast with your eyes instead,” I included a fake laugh to make it believable.

 

A blush falls over her cheeks, everything about me embarasses her. She has the maturity level of an adolescent girl even a joke with the slightest sexual connotation and her cheeks are beat red. We will never get past a kiss if she can't control herself over a joke.

 

She lays her finger against her teeth and lightly chews. Her tendencies are all quite peculiar. “ I am not embarrassed and yes I am ready to order,” she sighs flustered. She so easily relinquishes her power to me, it was entertaining at first. I made it into a game trying to find everyway way I could make her weak in the knees by just speaking. Nearly every conversation ends that why now and I'm becoming bored.

 

Here comes our waiter, Joshua, danced himself over to our table. “Raspberry lemonade for the lady,” he sings sliding it in front of her. “And water,” he drops my cup onto to the table.

 

He positions himself next to Alyssa leaning in close, “have we made a decision,” he directs his question towards her.

 

“Chicken alfredo, and for you honey,” I gestured to Alyssa.

 

She seems slightly taken back by this, but that does not hinder her flirting. “I’ll have the pesto chicken with sun dried tomatoes.” Give her another second and she’ll begin to drool.

 

“If you like him that much why don’t you just sleep with him,” I mumbled under my breath. Joshua took the cue and scuttled away from the table.

 

Alyssa

 

The waiter returned to his spot on top of me and began to speak but I did not care to listen. He placed my lemonade down and then slid the water to Matthew. He leaned closer to me and I shifted in my seat, it became too close for comfort.

 

“Yes we have,” Matthew chimed in. I couldn't  hear the waiter’s question over the sound of my thoughts.

 

He smiled, “what would you like?”

 

Matthew began to speak again, “chicken alfredo and for you honey.” I was slightly put off by his pet name, he was never been comfortable with affection in public.

 

“Pesto chicken with sun dried tomatoes,” the words dragged out almost unsure.

 

Matthew lightly mumbled something unintelligible and the waiter left my side. “What did you say,” I questioned.

 

“Nothing I was just thinking out loud,” he brushed me off.

 

           I am not satisfied, we would never get anywhere unless he began to open up to me. “About what?” I persisted.

 

He paused for a minute, “ something about today just feels so off,” he whispered.

 

I looked to him but his gaze was fixed on the wall behind me, “today is a little different, today is special,” I reassured him.

 

He slightly nodded his head, “you’ve never ordered pesto chicken before or even debated it.”

 

“I’ve decided to try new things, I want to experience more. Life gets boring if you do the same things all the time,” those five words made me more vulnerable than I had ever felt before.

 

Matthew

 

“What?” she looked to me with doe eyes. As if she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, Alyssa purposely taunted me. Such open body language  he continued to move closer, she just invited him in. She found such pleasure from my emotion.

 

“Nothing just thinking out loud.” Did she get off from that? Did it give her the daily dose of my annoyance?

 

“About what?” she naged. Constantly she questioned me while I am thought, if it concerned her I would have shared it with her. Her unrelenting persistence made me sick.

 

I took a deep breath it was too soon to tell her. We had not eaten dinner nor had I thought of how to tell her. I needed to let her in without revealing anything as well. “Something about today just feels so off,” I softly stated.

 

I felt her eyes on me but I did not try to meet them. “Today is a little different, today is special,” she spoke like a kindergarten teacher. I did not find the comfort intended by those words.

 

“You’ve never ordered pesto chicken before or even debated it,” I shrugged my shoulders. Very rarely did she veer from her designated path and that did not feel like a time she would begin.

 

“I’ve decided to try new things, I want to experience more. Life gets boring if you do the same things all the time,” I could sense the raw emotion behind those words. Before I could retort she excused herself to the bathroom her eyes scanned the room as she left.

 

If only she knew how much I understood what she said. For the past couple months I had been stuck going on dates with her telling her she's was so perfect. Yet I received nothing out of this she was as innocent as an eighth grader and I couldn’t handle it anymore. Maybe if she stopped forcing herself into my thoughts I would have told her for a change. She could never let anything be, she nagged all the time. No wonder I cheated I needed something to distract from her somehow it was either that or drinking.

 

Alyssa

 

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I breathed. I shot up from the seat and tumbled slightly. I reassured myself I was not nervous it was simply a trip to the bathroom. My eyes darted across the room the walls were littered with older paintings all so unique and colorful.

Entering the bathroom I am hit by a cooling draft overhead. I hold myself up against the sink looking into my own eyes in the mirror. I turn the faucet and splash the cold water against my face. What is the worst that will happen if I tell him? He doesn't say it back, but at least he knows.

 

Matthew

 

I was relieved that Alyssa went to the bathroom. I could figure out how to tell her. Should I just come out with it or should I dance around the subject? Either way I was screwed, I just hoped she would not make a scene. Even the slightest thing could set her off.

 

Joshua frowned as he placed the food in front of me. “Your little lover isn't here now get over yourself and leave,” I scoffed.

 

I ripped off a piece of my chicken and it burned my mouth. Not to mention how the pungent after taste burned my throat. That is not a hard dish to do right yet somehow they screwed it up. The pasta was rubbery I felt like I was chewing a piece of a tire. At this point I'm was no longer hungry I'd rather starve than eat that trash

 

Alyssa emerged from the bathroom captivated by the surrounding  like a dog. She stopped  looked she was an overall nuisance to those around her. She just tried to embarrass me I felt more like a babysitter than a boyfriend. I stabbed my fork into the rubbery noodles as I waited for her.

 

“Have you tried any,” she so innocently asked. Of course I tried it did she think that she was important enough for me to wait.

 

“Oh no I was waiting for you,” I sarcastically remarked.

 

She did not seem to notice my eye roll as she took her seat. She places her napkin and patted it down as if it were going to move. Everything was a production with her because she was the star of everyone's show. She practically shoved her face into her dish, food was smeared across her face. She had no manners. The napkin that delicately rested could have been put to good use.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“I need to tell you something,” she mused. She could not catch me in a lie if I told her first.

 

“I'm sure you do but let me speak.”

 

Alyssa

 

“I'm sure you do but let me speak,”  

 

“Matthew listen to me I'm in love with you, ” I cried.

His face softened with the blow of my words, “Love you too.”