In Our Eyes...

You say you struggled. You say you were a mess. You say you struggled more than they did, but you didn’t. My Grandma was there. She told me of the struggles she went through, of the things they did to her family. You may fail to realize how much they struggled, but the only thing I ask of you today, the only thing I will likely ever ask of you, is that you listen to my Grandma’s stories, and my stories about my Grandma. I realize that you may think that this is a struggle you don’t need to care about, but I ask you to listen to her stories as I once did, and to think about what the story meant to my grandma.
I once asked my grandma to tell me the story of her life. She told me willingly, and I will never forget what she said. That was 4 years ago. I was 9 years old and proud of it. Now I am 13 years old. I used to think 13 would be the happiest age, but my thoughts have changed. My grandma died 2 weeks ago in her sleep. I am only happy in my dreams, when I imagine that she is alive. I dream of her stories, and in honor of her, I now tell them to you.
Come here נסיה (Nesia). קומען(Come) and hear my story. The story starts when I was a קליין מיידל (small girl). I had been alive for 16 years and 3 weeks, but I wasn’t happy about this age. That was the time when my family was taken. The three oldest children, my two brothers and I, had heard through gossip that it was called a death train. We knew that no matter what threats the נאַציס (Nazis) gave, we were to gather all of our younger siblings, try to tear the wires on the windows, and escape from the death train. Our parents were taken away by guards, and I never saw them again. I am glad that I had time to hug them. They looked to me to lead my siblings to safety, and I promised myself I would try.

I remember sitting on the bus hoping that they wouldn’t notice me. Hoping that today would be the day I could get some peace and quiet. I now realize that my dream that day was a useless one. They always found me. They were in their tight formation as usual. I shouldn’t have sat in this part of the bus. Then he spoke. He told me to beat it. He said that I was an idiot. That he would be happier if the Nazis killed my family, because then he wouldn’t have to deal with me. I know everybody says to let the things people like that say pass in through one ear and out through the other, but one of my ears must be blocked up with wax. What he says goes in one ear and then straight to my brain. I try to lock it up, but I guess those thoughts learned from Houdini. They always get out of my locks no matter what I do. My grandma was the only one who could make me feel better, even for a short amount of time, but now she is gone.

I scraped and scraped against the wires. The mesh didn’t budge. I got so angry I just tore it away with my bare hands. It was ווייטיק (pain) like I had never known. I געשריגן (cried) out in fear and in pain. I didn’t realize that that was the easiest part of my journey. The mesh was lying there שפּאַלטן (split) into two pieces of mesh. I stared at it. מיר (We) all looked at each other, and then I told everyone to line up youngest to oldest. I paired youngest with oldest second youngest with second oldest, and so on. I remember thinking that this would give the יינגער (younger) children a better chance to survive. My little buddy was קלאַראַ (Clair). She was smart and I loved her more than anything. Me and little קלאַראַ (Clair) jumped out of the window last, and the נאַציס (Nazis) were already shooting their bullets at us. To this day I remember seeing my older brother, צופרידן (Happy) stumbling from a neck wound. He pushed ברוך (Blessed), his little buddy, towards me and told me to run, and that he would hold the דייטשישער (Germans) off. I ran with my two little siblings. קלאַראַ (Clair) was the first to look back. “? דייַטש נאַציס העלפן צופרידן” she asked me in her quiet little voice (German nazis help Happy?). I didn’t know what to answer, so I told her, “. ניין, דייַטש נאַציס שאַטן צופרידן” (No, german nazis hurt Happy). She burst into tears, so I told her that he was strong and might survive. Her tears lessened a bit, but I knew that I would always be sad. I ran into the village with my two siblings and then got down to my hands and knees and prayed for צופרידן (Happy).

I walked off the bus carefully, making sure that I didn’t make my new bruises worse. Next time I would be sitting on a different side of the bus. When I was nine, my friend Selda was in my school. At least then we could be bullied together. When her Mama and Papa realized that she was being bullied because she was Jewish, they converted to Christian. Selda is still in my school, but her name is now Bethany, and she is friends with the bullies. Of course, I am not trying to say that the bullies are Christian, because there is only one Christian bully. Her name is Bethany, but she used to be known as Selda.

When I finished, I saw that קלאַראַ (Clair) and ברוך (Blessed) were saying it with me. With tears in my eyes, I realized that I didn’t have anything to remember him by, until ברוך (Blessed) pressed something into my hand. It was something צופרידן (Happy) had cherished almost more than anything. He had been married, but when he and his wife went into hiding, she got captured. She was killed, but luckily she managed to give him her 6 sided star necklace. Now I put it around my neck, to remember צופרידן (Happy) and לִיבֶער (Lieber) two brave people who died to save someone else.

Selda and I used to be inseparable, but now I feel as if she hates me. I don’t want to be her friend, but at least I try. Every day she bullies me, just because I am a jew. Her friends started it, but she continues it, and it hurts. One day I may be strong enough to stand up and tell them to knock it off, but today is not the day.

When I sat on the bus today, there was only one empty seat, and it was next to someone. I spent a minute gathering the courage, and I asked the girl reading in the next seat if I could sit there. She smiled, and said yes. That was the start of my friendship with לעוואָנע (Moon).

I walked into town with קלאַראַ (Clair) and ברוך (Blessed) in my arms, and I quickly cleaned myself in a puddle of water. I also cleaned קלאַראַ (Clair) and ברוך (Blessed), and found that they were both pretty much unscathed, except for a small bruise ברוך (Blessed) had somehow picked up along the way. I then walked to the nearest house, and with no better thing to do to gain money, I decided to ask to help around the house, and in return, maybe get some food for קלאַראַ (Clair) and ברוך (Blessed). I knocked on the door, three quick times in succession, as was polite, and a strict looking woman opened the door. I quickly introduced myself, and asked if there was anything I could do for her to gain money. She looked surprised for a moment, and asked where my accent was from. I decided to tell the truth, and told her that I was from farther north. This time I did decide to lie, and I said that all the boys except little ברוך (Blessed) were in the Nazi army, and my mother and I had stayed home to take care of  קלאַראַ (Clair) and ברוך (Blessed), but my mother had died. Of course, I told her all this in german, so I guess it would be Clara (Clair) and Gesegnet (Blessed). When I mentioned the Nazis, her face looked scared for a moment, and then she suddenly became very welcoming. She showed me the full house, but there was an extra door, and it sounded like a baby was crying from behind it, but when I mentioned it, her face took on that scared look again, and she quickly moved on to show me her cupboards and drawers that were broken. The thing was, I was moving slowly enough to see a little girl peek out of the door I had been curious about, and a voice saying, “Come back here!” loudly in Yiddish, so I whispered, “!שאָלעמ-אַלייכעמ” (hello to you) and she suddenly looked very happy. She called her mother up and I was shocked. “לִיבֶער (Lieber)?” I choked out.

Moon and I became best friends in a very small amount of time. I don't think Selda liked it very much. One particular day, Selda walked up to us, and said something unforgivable. “You know, the Nazis were right. Jews should all be killed. They aren’t even real people. They are just animals, animals that the world would be better without.” Normally when Selda insults us, I try to calm Moon down, but today, I was just as mad as she was, maybe more. I stood up and I told Selda that she was a disgrace. I said that my grandma would be ashamed of her, and that her grandma would be absolutely shocked to hear what she had said. So that day, I went straight home after school, told my older sister where I was going, and went to Selda’s house.

Her Grandma opened the door, and invited me inside for some hot chocolate and biscuits fresh from the oven. Selda wasn't home yet, so this was my chance. I told everything to Mrs. Avret, and with every word that spilled out of my mouth she looked more and more depressed. She looked like my sister had when they told us our parents had died. It was the same look I had gotten on my face when my Grandma had died. It was a grieving face. Then, Mrs. Avret decided to tell me why she had looked the same when my grandma had died, and why my last name was also Avret. It was because Selda's Grandma was named Clair. That may not make sense to you, but if you read my grandma's stories, you will understand. Wait. Pause. I just realized that that means that I am related to Selda. I went home, and decided to share my Grandma's stories, and so my book was born. I interviewed people around the globe, and when Selda tried to be friends with me again because I was famous, I politely told her that if my own cousin couldn't treat me nicely, than she should go back to her friends. As I interviewed people, I noticed a that a lot of those people said things like, "In our eyes.", and so I named my book In Our Eyes.

“לִיבֶער (Lieber)?” I asked again. This time the woman answered, and told me that she was Lieber's sister. I sighed. We talked a lot, and she told me of the money she had saved. It was enough to send three kids to America! We didn't send the kids though. We couldn't. The stern lady came back after she realized I wasn't following her, and became nice when she realized that I was not going to turn her in. My new friend and I slowly raised money to buy tickets for airplanes, and in two years time we were on the plane with all the kids. When I got onto plane I bumped into a boy about a year older than me, and as I said sorry, he turned around and hugged me. It was another one of my brothers! We sat next to each other on the plane, along with my friend and the kids. I remember my last thought before we reached America, was that the people in the future, well…

...They Shine.