I hear bells ring decisively, but then the ring fades out to sea where the waves soar as high as seagulls that come down from the sky every once and awhile to pick around at the hot sand that blazes through my skin right down to my soul.  I feel my heart burn with a fiery passion for the blazing sun, the swoosh of the waves that has the freshest of breezes that I have ever known, a breeze that flows through my hair in a perfect pattern, a breeze that covers the land. I see the clouds start to gray, and the breeze turns into wind putting the world into a buzz of flying sand that fill my ears reducing the sound of crashing waves. I can taste the salt coming off the sea. Now it's all coming so fast that the world starts to tilt as I get dizzier and dizzier. The wind rushes through me and I fall to the ground down to the now wet sand that pulls shivers through my spine. I can’t see a thing as the sand mixes with salt. The sand is flying everywhere, it gets in my mouth it feels like gravel and tastes like dirt. I can no longer do anything but wonder and think about what if this and what if that had happened, maybe then I would be safe. But none of that matters now for it’s what I deserve for doing this horrible thing, I deserve to drift out to sea and feel all the air leave me as I drown in my guilt.

One Week Earlier

People keep wishing me a happy birthday which I guess is a nice gesture but it was not going to be a good birthday. All I can think about is the pounding in my head, the soreness of my throat, and how congested my nose is. I just want to go home and go to bed and maybe watch a movie with my boyfriend Jake. But I can’t cut classes because well I’m a nerd and I love college so I wouldn't dream of skipping classes. The weird thing is, I haven’t seen Jake or a lot of my close friends at all today. I should be paying attention but my history teacher has a voice that just makes you fall asleep. I was so close to sleep when a loud high pitched noise stopped me it took me a couple of seconds to realize that it was the bell. I moved across the classroom but my feet felt like big hunks of metal that made it very hard to walk. I have to concentrate very hard on getting my feet to move up and down as I move across the parking lot. When I reach my car I slam down into the driver’s seat and start driving. The trip feels so much longer than usual so by the time I got to the house that I share with three other girls, I was exhausted. The door creaked when I opened it. I went straight up to my room, dropped all my stuff on the ground, set an alarm for 5:00, flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. Ding dong “Kimberly are you home,” someone yelled.  ding dong  “KIMBERLY OPEN THE DOOR!” they yelled again I heard the door creak open

“Hello um who are you?” said my roommate Lexi.

   “Um I’m Natasha, Kimberly's sister,” my sister replied. I heard some more muffled talking but I was so excited I ran down the stairs.

“NATASHA!” I yelled as I flung my arms around my sister “you didn’t tell me you were coming to visit,” I said when I had calmed down.

“Well it’s your birthday so I thought I would surprise you with a visit,” she said with a tone that said she was sorry that she didn’t tell me she was coming.

“You know someday you may just give me a heart attack,” I said in a joking tone.

“Sorry,” Natasha said in a sarcastic sad voice.

“You want to come up to my room?” I asked

“Oh yeah, sure, sounds good,” she said as she got up from the couch. “Um, I hope I didn’t startle your roommate” Natasha whispered.

“Well, you’re lucky it was Lexi that was home and not Maddy. Maddy can seem a bit harsh if you don’t know her,” I replied.

“Do you want to go to a bar this evening to get the full experience of turning 21, I mean come on there's no school tomorrow so I can persuade you to try something new, plus you’ll have time for homework over the weekend,” said Natasha. “Please” she added.

“Well okay, but don’t get any ideas because I’m not going to drink anything,” I replied.

At 9:00 we left the house and Natasha drove towards the bar. We got out of the car and walked to the door. When we got to the door there was a man that asked for our ID’s. He reminded me that I couldn’t drink until midnight. We opened the door and walked in and all of my friends popped out at me and blew on those stupid kazoo-like things that unroll when you blow in it. Natasha turned to me and said, “Look, so I know that you don’t like surprises but your boyfriend Jake reached out to me and he wanted to do something special for you… just please don’t be mad and try to have a good time”.

“I’m not mad, I actually think it’s kind of sweet, speaking of which I would like to talk to Jake. Do you know where he is?” I said.

“Yeah, he’s right over there,” Natasha replied.

“Okay, I’ll be right back!” I yelled as I made my way through the crowd. When I finally spotted Jake I yelled to him “Oh JAKE, JAKE, OVER HERE”

“Hey, how do you like the party,” he said

“It’s nice but I was wondering if you would like to maybe go on a boat ride with me?” I asked.

“I’d love to, as long as I’m with you,” he whispered in my ear. We tip-toed to the back door and snuck out. We got into Jake’s car and drove off to the place where you can rent a boat and we went out on the lake. The boat drifted on the lake and we just stayed there in that perfect moment for an amazing half hour but then it all started to turn, the boat started to rock and move, the boat was tipping and Jake couldn’t swim. “JAKE” I yelled

   “I’m here,” he said. I gripped his hand but he was already slipping, falling away from me, and I couldn’t get him back.