Hey. This is Sasha. I am a happy teenager, I think. No, I am certain that I am happy.
But sometimes,the world is too loud. Yelling, profanities, mere sound waves worth nothing more than frequencies displayed on machines crashing uncontrollably into my eardrums…
Sometimes, I want to call it quits. Call quits on a world that never once welcomed me, tripping my innocence and slamming it flat on the icy concrete. Call quits on a community that suffocated me in its fiery embrace, a trap so uncompromising I forfeited identity. Call quits on loudness, on politeness, on gratefulness and openness that intertwined into pretense, on carefulness that provoked worsening conclusions, on humbleness, on civilness, on cheerfulness and kindness because nothing was genuine behind contrived smiles.
Sometimes, I want to die. In split seconds, death beguiles me with its shear simplicity. No more pain, tears, no more silent cries and pleas for help that fade with the wind, no more anxiety, self consciousness, no more degradation and self harm.
Sometimes I just wonder, wouldn’t that be so much easier?