My heart was beating a million miles per minute. And I was sweating like I had just ran a marathon.The little boy was going to die, and if I don't save him his family will be distraught. His mother loved that boy with all her soul and mind. A mother losing her precious child was a pain no one can imagine. I had already made my choice of saving him already but I was weary of the consequences. What would it be this time? Last time I had lost my little stray dog. Before that I lost my sense of taste for a whole year. Other times it was simply my sleeping bag on the street or my toothbrush. It was not a big deal, I thought to myself. I shouldn't be even thinking about whether I should save that little boy. I was saving his life and his mother's life at the expense of what? The items and feelings of a little orphan girl who no one cares about. I would give anything to have my mother back. 

As a truth seeker I could see tragic future of everybody just not mine. And right now the little boy was going to run across the street to chase the squirrel. It was simple things that invited death to everyone's doorstep.  He would not have seen the red truck barreling down or hear the horn beeping with urgency. He would not have heard the scream of his mother as the truck slammed into his tiny body. He would not have heard the suffocating silence that followed the impact. He would not have realized that because of a tiny chase his life was gone. He would not have realized that a week later his mother full of despair and anguish lost her soul along with him. But I did. I knew what was going to happen. I would be able to take his place and instead of the screams of the little boy's mother, no one would scream for me. But this time I might actually be gone forever. Even though I was alone in this world I still wanted to be apart of it. I loved the bright color of the grass after a morning rain. I loved the feeling of the sand that ticked underneath my feet. I love stuffing my face with leftover cake from a pastry store dumpster. I loved greeting the homeless man who shared the same street as me. I loved running around the park with other little kids who thought I had a family sitting on the benches watching over me.

I decided that I was going to save the little boy. And  with that single thought that was sent through my mind, I felt the force that switched our places in fate.  I was now chasing the brown squirrel down the block and the little boy was now in front of the corner store where I had stood seconds ago. Even though I was in my body I couldn't control it. I tried to stop running after the squirrel, but there was no use. Once I decided, nothing could change the outcome. I heard the truck barreling down the street. It was a deafening sound that pierced my eardrums. I heard the horn beeping with urgency. And I heard the loud thud as it slammed into my tiny body. Everything was just as I had seen in the future of the little boy. Except this time, no one screamed. No one let out a cry of anguish. Silence just coexisted with everything around me. Darkness had arrived and took me under. And knew that this time it would be permanent.

I woke up in a bed. I was in a hospital. I knew because it smelled like old people and death. I tried opening my eyes but it hurts. I heard beeping and sobbing, who was it? I couldn't make out anything. Why couldn't I make out anything I tried opening my eyes again and again. I heard crying as I tried and tried. My mind flashed with images of the little girl who saved me. But that couldn't be, because I was lying here in the hospital. That could not have been a dream could it? I knew many people who had an accident make up stories in their mind during a coma. I had dreamed of a little girl who took my position in death, was it real? It had felt so real.

 “Mom?” I croaked. My hand reached out and my mother's hand grasped it. I held in tight. “I can't see you,” I said frantically. She started sobbing again. I sat up and I was surprised that I was not in pain. I would have thought during a car crash would mean carnage on your body. “Sweetie, a truck had came out of nowhere, and doctors say you are a very lucky boy to have survived.” my mother murmured. I was indeed very lucky. I could almost see the tears streaking her face. My heart beats a million miles per minute as she said, “Baby, I am  sorry but...you lost your eyesight”.

Awareness settled into me. I could feel everything around me, the soft cotton of the bed. The smooth hands of my mom. I lifted my hand to my beating heart. I could feel,  but I couldn't see. Wetness splashed on cheeks, and my ears ringed with silence. I could never see my presents I was going to get for Christmas? I could never again see the green of the trees ? I could never again see the red, orange, brown and yellow of the leaves in the fall ? I could never see the first snowfall that will blanket our town tomorrow morning? I could never again see the smile of my mother when I scored a hundred? I could never again see the billions of colors the world has to offer?

Silence was everywhere and as I was laid back on the bed, I couldn't make out any shapes or colors, only darkness, and it took me under for the second time.