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The secrets I wish you lived to hear.



April 21st, 2018. A day that will never erase from my mind. That was the day that you came home from school and decided enough was enough. You got off of the bus, but instead of going home, you went to Route 94. You took your last breath as you stepped in front of moving traffic. You left your loved ones, including me to mourn. I hate how you left me, but that isn’t my only secret. This scrapbook feels like the last piece I have of you, and in here I have five secrets that you never lived to discover. Alyssa Stockton, I miss you.


Secret #1: The reason I walked up to you on the first day of Kindergarten is because I loved the pink flower accessory you wore. I don’t regret it.


I looked down at my pink and blue sketchers, as they lit up with every step. My pigtails were whipping side by side while I skipped along, and my blue dress was nothing less than perfect. I turned back around to see my Mom and Dad, warm smiles plastered on their faces. The three of us entered the front of the school, and I was immediately engulfed in a crowd of students, teachers, and parents. I started to take in all of my surroundings, my first taste of Elementary School. I looked across the mob, my eyes unable to stop admiring the bright pink flower clip sitting atop a girl’s head. Her short blond hair illuminated in the September sun and her fuchsia dress matched the clip flawlessly. I made my way over to the tree she was leaning against, and I greeted her,

“Hi, my name is Sydney. Do you wanna be friends?”


Secret #2: It was me who tattle told and told the teacher you cheated on our sixth grade spelling test.

“Okay class, today is our weekly spelling test. Take everything off of your desk and keep a pencil out. Number the paper one through twenty-five and then wait for me to begin.” Our teacher, Mrs. Hader ordered us. I took out my purple gel pen and a blank sheet of paper.

“Our first word is, intermediate.” Right away I knew exactly how to spell it and I wrote it on my paper confidently. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alyssa looking at my paper. As I looked up to see what she was doing, she quickly snapped her head back to look at her paper. I ignored it.

“The next word is, temporary.” I knew this one right away too. Again, I saw her looking at my paper as I wrote down my answer. Jeez she isn’t doing a very good job at hiding the fact that she’s cheating.

“Next word, necessary.” I wrote down N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y.  Once again, I could see her looking at my paper, this time stretching her body across her desk to see. This time I was starting to get annoyed. I’m going to tell Mrs. Hader about this when we are done.


Secret #3: I got Steven Keselowski to ask you out in eighth grade.

“Hey Steven. Can you come over here for a minute?” I shouted across Mr. Beckham’s history classroom.

“Yeah, sure.” He responded as he looked up from his United States Map worksheet. His face looked pretty uninterested.

“Sooo, you know my friend Alyssa?” I said, a smile spreading on my face as I leaned in.

“Uh, yeah. Why?” I sat there, wondering how I should go about saying what I needed to say. Steven was beginning to look at me, clearly very confused.

“Well, you should totally ask her out.” I finally said, my eyes lit up with hope as I awaited his response. Steven made a face, telling me that this surprised him.

“Does she like me?” He asked, a smile on his face. It was now my turn to make a weird face.

“So she does!” He declared.

“I mean. If you want to put it that wa-, I guess.” I stuttered. He made a puzzled face now. He looked like he was about to say something but was trying to find the right words.



Secret #4: I knew that you went to guidance every day during second block to talk to Mrs. Bowen about your problems.

I walked into the side door near the student parking lot, a tray filled with Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee in hand. I pulled out my phone, texting Alyssa that I was here and had her coffee. I got an immediate response, Can’t. I stared at my phone in confusion, Why? I get her coffee every Thursday. I proceeded to walk into the school, sipping my iced coffee every few seconds. Once I reached orange hall, I saw Alyssa go into the guidance office, her body language telling me she wasn’t going in for a positive reason. I looked across the hall, gazing at her enter Mrs. Bowen’s office. What? I turned around and walked down math hall to first block; Algebra, throwing away my empty Dunkin cup and beginning to drink hers.


Secret #5: I stayed up until 3:00 A.M. to write your eulogy. I couldn’t read it.

I flopped onto my bed, sighing. My eyes were red and puffy, and the tears were dried on my face. I sat up, facing the reality that I had to do this. I reached across my bed and grabbed my pad and a pencil. I stared at the blank white paper, not even knowing where to begin.

“Okay, I guess I’ll start with Kindergarten when we met.” I declared. I threw the pencil down and laid back, closing my eyes and trying to remember the first day of Kindergarten, the day I met my best friend.



Today we are gathered to celebrate the life of Alyssa Stockton. For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m Sydney Briggs. I was Alyssa’s best friend since Kindergarten. I would like to take a moment to thank everyone for coming today to mourn the loss of Alyssa.

Alyssa was born on March 12th, 1998. She was a star soccer player and always was sure to make the honor roll. I remember the day I met her like it was yesterday. I noticed the pink accessory in her hair, and immediately fell in love with how much it matched with her dress. That was the sole reason little five year old me went up to her and declared our friendship. Such a childish thing to do. That was only the start for us. For years we hung out in the treehouse in our backyard, and I went to North Carolina every summer with her and her family. We walked the beach at night, her hair always blowing in the sea breeze. And an ice cream cone was always clutched in her hand. Always chocolate chip ice cream, she never changed it up. I even got her crush in eighth grade, Steven Keselowski to ask her out. That is the type of friendship we had. Although our friendship seemed perfect, there were times where she made me want to rip my hair out. Such as the time she obviously cheated on our spelling test in sixth grade. I studied that for hours, and she had the audacity to copy me? It infuriated me. But now that I look back, I would do anything to go back to that day. At this point I would do anything to see her again. To walk to the Dunkin’ Donuts down the road in our flip flops, and get iced coffee, our orders the same every time. To flash back to homecoming, complaining about the terrible music choices and how much our feet hurt. At the time that stuff felt normal, it was my average life. But now, none of that is the same. Alyssa Stockton, thank you for everything you gave me. Thank you for being my best friend. I will never forget you or the memories.

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