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I’m Disappointed In You


Your approval is all I wanted

It's what drove me to do my best

I joined football because of you

I became a stem scholar because of you

Your approval is what made me want to succeed

I grew to hate the frown on your face more than I loved your thumbs up

After everything I did I would turn around to you
Looking for that recognition I desired so deeply.

Every good job filling me with joy

Making me feel accomplished and like what I was doing had meaning.

But when your head shook side to side

It would end my world

That day was my worst game ever.

I had missed a tackle and knew I had messed up

I turned to you looking for reassurance.

Instead I was met with a face of sheer disappointment

I was heartbroken after that

I continued to mess up time after time for the rest of the game

By the time it was finally over and I had walked off the field,

I had known I had failed.

When I walked over to you I couldn't even look you in the eye.

And then you hugged me

Told me everything was alright,

That it was just a bad day and that everything will be alright.

At least that's what I wished you would have done.

You yelled at me and cursed

You told me how I was shit and how you were embarrassed to watch me out there,

How I couldn’t have done any worst,

You had told me I should quit after the performance I had given that day.

I tried to stay strong.

I had tried to hold the tears back,

But I just couldn’t.

You had broken me.

I had shed the tears that I was told should never be shed.

The tears that make you look weak.

The tears that make you seem like a momma’s boy.

All I needed was your comfort,

But you refused.

You let those harsh words sink in like daggers into my heart.

Leaving me alive but barely breathing.

Sitting there gasping for air

An endless waterfall of tears unable to be held back.

What you said had hurt.

When i finally came back to life I walked back to the car.

I did not speak to you for the rest of the day.

I went to bed early to be by myself,

To think of what I did wrong.

To cry by myself one last time.

The next morning you came up to me,

You said your apologizes and your I love yous.

I accepted those apologies.

And even though I said I love you back,

You must know this will never be forgotten.

Words like those can never be forgotten,

Or forgiven.

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