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Nervous systems got me nervous with
Systems and cycles
of negativity
All strings attached
It’s misery
Flickering in my room
Stuck in the corner
Quite literally
All thoughts distorted
I’m not crazy
I’m just lonely
I don’t wanna hurt you
I need to hide
Don’t watch me

*Beat all of a sudden stops*
*All that is heard is heavy breathing*
The monster
It’s creeping over
To take me
I hear it whisper
To me
The lights flicker
Get the picture
In your head
Does he want me dead
Or want me to rest
The lights flicker
It gets thicker
The air
And my breath
Hard to breathe
And chest beating
To a beat I can’t handle
The lights flicker
*Beat slowly starts back up*

I have fear of myself
Because I bully myself
Brainwash myself
Selfless, I am
But selfish too
When I’m sad as hell
I’m stuck
I can’t go away
But I don’t wanna stay
One day
When things are better
I’ll be able to be a rapper
But not someone’s actor
I’ll only write things I want to write about
It won’t be fake
I’ll be different and be unique in the rap game
I’ll come out one day
When I control my fear
Not only fear of myself
But fear of being afraid

Don’t give a damn
About the slurs people tell me
Bad self-esteem is deadly
People learn that the hard way
Of how it could be me
In that spot
I don’t think about it though

Maybe I do think about it.
Probably too much.
And it makes me scared
And being scared is scary
But at least I’m aware of when it’s there

The light flickers
When air is thicker
It’s hard for me to breathe
I’m stuck in place
Between life and death
But how hard can that be?

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