i. 

I stepped outside and I began sinking into the soil. It had just rained, and the earth had softened. Each step smelled like crushed grass and mud as I made my way over to the corner of my backyard. It felt like those few steps had stretched out to blocks, and by the time I had reached the corner, my chest and throat were tight. Right where the chain linked fence folded at an angle, there lay a pile of fallen branches and a blanket of lichens that coated them and surrounding rocks. Some branches poked through the rusted fence, others stuck in the ground. I crouched in front of it, letting my knees fall to the mercy of mud and pebbles. 

  ii. 

My arms fell to my sides. I didn’t know how to hold them up any longer. I had grown tired of hiding myself behind the crooks of my elbows and wrists. Mud had started seeping past the fabric of my jeans, and bugs began poking at my skin. The pile remained still, and so did I. I needed to see who would go first, to see who cared enough to bring the situation to light. I didn’t think it was going to be me.

But it was.

      I hate you when you’re quiet.

The hum of outside quieted, and the world stopped around me. I could feel the sun holding its breath.

     Quiet? Do you prefer otherwise?

The pile shifted in its place. I smiled.

     I prefer you don’t hide from me. Since when are you so shy?

     I have my reasons.

A ladybug landed on my cheek, and the world resumed. 

  iii. 

All the rooms in that house grew to echo around me. Box after box after box were pushed out the front door in a series of grunts, and I ended up standing in a skeleton of struggle and cement. When I sighed and my breath bounced off the walls, I knew it was time to leave. 

  iv. 

I steppedoutside and I begansinking into the soil. Ithadjustrained, and theearth had softened. Eachstep smelled like crushed grass and mud as I made my wayovertothecorner of my backyard. Itfeltlikethosefewsteps hadstretchedouttoblocks ,andbythetime Ihadreached thecorner, mychestandthroat weretight.Rightwherethechainlinkedfence foldedatanangle,therelayapile offallenbranches andablanketoflichens thatcoatedthemandsurroundingrocks.Somebranches pokedthroughtherustedfence, othersstuckintheground.Icrouched infrontofit, lettingmyknees fall tothemercy ofmudandpebbles. 

The hum of outside quieted, and the world stopped around me. I could feel the sun holding its breath.

     You don’t have to leave.

It was too still.

     I’m not meant to stay.

A ladybug landed on my cheek, and the world never resumed.