The Tramp's Story

From Knrru Festivals, the new volume by Will Carletoo. HarparA 1 mthers. experienee haB gold in it(asdi3cermui{folks ajrree), Tlieu there's quite a little fortune stowed away snmewberH iu me, Aud I deal it out regardless of a regular stated pri, Ia rough dono up pri.e packages of commousense advice; The peojile thy eau take it, or run round i , ;is ttiey nlease. But the bet thing they'il find in it is eonie words like unto these: "Worm or beetle, drouüht or tempest, on a famier's laud may fall, But for first-elass ruiuatiuu, trust a niortgage 'gainat tuem all. Uu ray weddin' day my father touched me kiudly on the arm. And hamled me the papers for an eighty-acre farm, With the stock an' toolB an' buildin's for an iadepeudent start, Saying, "Here's a wedding present from my muscleand my heart; And, except the adinomtions you have taken from my toneue. And the reasonable lickiu's that you had wuen you was youug, Aud your food and clothea and schoolin' (not bo much as I could wish, ForI hada number eatiu' from a some'at ecanty dish). And the hone9t love you capturad when you first Rat ou my knee, This is all I have to give you - so expect no more from ine." People'd said I couldn't inarry the sweet girl I tried to court, Till we smilingly 9ubinitted a minority report; Then they la:d their theories over.with a quickness i meer to see. And said thuy knew we'd raarry, but we never could agree; But we did not frame and hang up all the neighbors had to say, Butraa ourlittie heaven in ourown peculiar way; Weatarted off quite jolly, wondrous iull of health and cheer, And a general uuderstanding that the road was pretty clear. So we lived arid toiled and prospered; and the little family party Tliat cauie on from heaven to viait us were bright and hale and hi-arty; Aud t day we might ha' been tbore had Ionly just have knowu How to lay my road down solid, aud let well enough alone. But I soou commenced a-kicking in the traces, I confesa; There was too mucU land that joiued me that I didu't yet nossesa. Wheii once he gets landhungry, strange how ravenous one can be! 'Twasn't long before I wanted all the ground that I could see. So I uought another eighty (not foreboding any harui), And for that aud souio down-money put a ínortgage on my farin. Tlien I hougbt another forly, hireá soine caeh to fix up new, And to buy a covered carriage - aud of course the mortgage grew. Now iny wife was square against tuis, 'tis but rigtit tliat you should kuow (ThquKh l'm very far from saying Hiat I think U's always so) ; But she went la liearty with me, working hard trom day to day, For we kuew that üfe was business, now we har! that delit to pay. We worked througli spriog aud winter, thro' sumiuer aud through fall, But that ínortgage worked the hardest and the steadiest of us all ; It worked on uigbts aud Sundays; it worked each holiday; It settled dow n muongus, and it never went away. Wliatever we kept trom it seemed a'most as bad as tlieft; It watched us every miauto, and it ruled us rigbt aodleft. The rust aud bligbt were with us sometiuie?, aud sometióles not; The darkbrowed, scowling inortgage was forever on the spot. The weevil and the cut-worui tbey went as well as eime; The inortgage staid forever, eatiug liearty all tbe same. It nailed up every window, stood guard at every door, Ana happiness and sunshine made their home witli ut do more. Till with faiüng crops and sickness we got etalled upon the rade, And ttiere caine a dark lay on us wheu the interest wasn't paid; And there carae a sharp foreclosure, and I kind o' lost my bold, And grew weary anddiscouraged,and tbe farm was clieaply sold. The childreu left and scattered when they hardly yet were growu ; My wife sUe pined an' perisbed, aa' I found myself alone. vvrijit Büe died or was ' a inystery, an' the doctors never knew; But I kuew she died of mortgage- just as well 's I wanted to. If to trace a hiddeu sorrow were within tlie doctors' art, Thej'd ha' found a mortgage lying on that woman's broken heart. Pwo different kinds of people the devil most assails; One is the man who conquere; the other, he who f ai Is. But still I think the last kind are soonest to give up, And to hide their sorry faces behind the shameful cup; Like some old king or other, whose name I've Bouaehow lost, They etraightway Uar their eyes out, just when they ueed 'em most. When once I had diseovered that the debt I could not pay, I tr'.ei to liquídate it in a rather comnion waj; I used to meet in private a fellowfinancier, And we would drink ourselves worth ten thousand dollars clear - As easy a way to prosper as ever has been found, But one's a heap sight poorer when he gets back to the ground. Of course I ouglit to ha' braced up, an' worked on all the same; I ain't a-tryin' to fehirk out, or cover up from blame; But still I think men often, it sa'ely may be said, Are drivt n to temptations, in placo of being led; Aud if that tyrant mortgage hadn't cracked te whip at m , I shouldn't have constituted the ruin that you For though I've never stolen or defaulted please to know, Yet, socially considered, I ain pretty iniddlin' low. I am helplessau' forsaken; I am childiess au' alone; I Laven't a single dollar that it's fair to cali myown; My old age kuows no comfort, my heart is scant o' clieer: 1 he children they ruu froni me as ooon as I coiné near; The women shrink and tratable- their aluis are fear-bestowed; The doga howl curses at uie,aiid hunt me down the road ; My home is where night fmds me; mo friends are few and cold ; Oh, little is there in this world for one who'ti poor and oíd! But I'm wealthy iu experience, all put up in food adviee, To take or uot to take it, with no difference iu the price; You inay have it, au' thrive on it, or run round it, as yuu please, 13ut I geuerally Kive it wrapped in soine such words as thec: 'Worm er beetle, dronght or tempest, on a farmei's land may fall, But for first class ruiuation, trust a mortgaee 'gainst them all A certain New Yorker never has money enougli on hand to pay his bilis. A few days ago he bought a pair of boots on credit. "IIow much are tliey?' "Five dollars if you buy on credit, as usual, but ten dollars if you pay de cash down." "IIow is that 't" "Veil, you see," said the simple-minded German, "ven I scels on credit I knows it i a dead lo.ss, so I makes de loss so shmall as possible. Washington drew his last breath in the last hour of the last day of the last week of the last month of the last year of the last century, December 31, 1799.