Wise And Otherwise

Young men sliould be careful abou. dropping remarks. ïhey may be picked up by a bigger man.- New Orleans PicayuTie. It ia claimed that a man never loses anything by politeness, but a gentleman once lifted hishat to a young lady, and the wind carried away nis wig. A ten-pound lump of ice is smaller now than at any other season of the year. It is just big enough to run away if left o the sidewalk.- N. O. Picuyune. When a city man moves into the suburbsand gets apatch of ground big enough to raise a turnip on, his first ambition is to join a farnier's club.- l'hilwlelphia News. "Oh, the tiny little ante, How the clamer np our pants At the picnic, 'neath the willows in the glen! How they seeni to take delight in The obnoxious sport of bitin' Indefensibie and modest gentlemen!" "What is the reason Colonel McSpillkins does not live with his wife any moreV'asked Gilhooly of an Austin lawyer. "There are sundry and divorce reasons," responded the lawyer solemnly.- Texas Siftings. A black bear undertook to embrace an Idaho belle, and she punched out one of his eyes with her parasol. Out of consideration for her matrimonial pospects, the name and address of the young woman are withheld. An Illinois Judge has decided that a merchant's "warrant" is worthless. If he warrants goods to wash and wear, customers must accept such statements as part of his stock in trade." In other words, he is expected to know he is Ijing"Do you follow a sedentary occupation?"askedthe judge, jocosely, of a vagrant. "Well, 1 should relax niy features!" was the response. "All the money I have had iu ten years I got from sitting on juries." "Doyoulove her still?" asked the judge of a man who wanted a divorce. "Certainly I do," said he. "I love her bet ter still than any other way; but tlie trouble is she never will be still." Tke judge, who is a married man himself, takes the case under advisement. An apprentice boy who had not pleased his employer ene day came in for a chastisement, during the administra :- tion of which his master exelaimed' "How long will you serve the devil?' The boy replied, whimpering: "You know best, sir; I believe my indenture will be out in three months." At a recent meeting of the Chicago Socialista, it was resolved and declared that the President of the United States is "equal of the czar, emperors, and kings of the Old World," and " a monstrous social and political Old Man of the Sea, whose existence is an incumbrance and constant danger to the gress and hberty of the people." A promising youth recently surprised his father by asking: "Father, do you like niother?" Why, yes, ef course." "And she likes you ?" „Of course she does." "Did she ever sayso?" "Many a time, my son." "Did she marry you because she loved you?" "Certainly she did." The boy carefully scrutinized his parent, and, af ter a long pause, asked: "Well, was she as near-sightedtaen as she i now?" One of Leigh Hunt's most charming stanzas originated in this wise: Lord John Russel, meeting the poet during a stroll in the gardens of Holland House, told him that the Queen liad granted Carlyle a pension of $200 a. year. His Lordship commissioned Ilunt to acquaint the philosopher with the good news. Mrs. Carlyle received Hunt at Cheyne row, and was so delighted that she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. On the next tlay she received thefollowingdelicious Unes: "Jenny kissen me wbeu we met, Jumping front the cbair she satin. Time, you tliief ! wtin love to get Sweets intoyour book- put that in! Say I'ui ugly; say l'm sad; Say thai health and wealth have mlssed ineSay l'm growing old- but add, Jeuny kissed me!" "Yes," exclaimed Mrs. Montague, ai she pinned the last "rag" on the clothes line and settled down to a tete-a-tete over the rear fence with her neighbor, Mrs. Bangerhar. "My husband is smart enough at home, but wheu he goes out in society he's very quiet. Now, why's my husband like a kerosene lamp?" "Well," replied Mrs. Bangehar, hesitatingly, running a hair pin through her glossy locks, as if in search of an auswer, "I suppose becauso lie is apt to blow you up." "Not much," returned Mre. M., "he's acquainted with me." "It isn't bocause he gets f uil, is it?" "Oh. no," exclaimed Mrs. M., impatiently. "You're awf ui stupid this morning. I guess you'll have to 'cali' me." "Well, then, I resign!" ejaculated Mrs. B. "Why is he like a kerosene lamp?" "Well, yon see, he never shines when he goes out," and Mrs. M. walked olï with the air of a conqueror and the .clothes-basket, while Mrs. B. repaired to the house to look over aged al manaes soshecould get even with her neighbor on the morrow. The American (Phil.) in in article on the question, speaks thus of the prospect of future immigration: Ireland, reduced within the living generation from over 8,000,000 of population to 5,000,000, is practieally exhausted. ïhere is no Kussian emigration as yet, the excellent but small Mennonite stream being really Germán, and having now ceased. The North Italian has admirable physical and moral qualilications as a laborer, but he is too poor lo move himself, and he has not yet heard the glad evangel of the New World. The Freachman does not migrate. English labor is stolid, sullen, does not assimilate itself to our conditions, and consequen tly does not flow to our shores. Germany has thrown a military cordon around her entire frontier to pen up the whole population, in tbe camp they now cali a country, in the Fatherland. The Swedes and Norwegiang are not an appreciable quantity: the few thousands of Ihem that have recently come over have been very conspicuous by reason of their sterling worth, but the entire population of the two countries does not equal that of New York and New Jersey. Short of China, the labor field of the world, for us, at the present moment is barren and liinited. An Ohio girl niarried a Chinamau so as to have her "washee washee" done at home "alle samee."