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The way to test Bob Iagersoll's i'aith is to get liim mixed up with a steamboat disaster. Wliat is that which no niau wishes to have an:l no one wishes to lose? A bald head. You always hear of the man who draws the big prize in a lottery, bu you never meet him. G-oethe saya a man must be either an anvil or a hammer; yet how many ar uothing but bellows. Let Adam monumeiit be erected and place upon it in letters a foot high: "He never growled at his wife's niillinery bilis."- Oil City Derriak. A man never reames iiow pienty mustard is and how acaree bread and meat, until he tackles a railroad eatinghouse sandwich. The condor oí the Andes is said to kill hU prey witlt his bilí, and the niilliners of this country are tryiug the game on mariled men. A tall man having rallied his í'riend on the shortness oí' his legs, the fiïend replied: "My legs reach the ground; what more can yours do?" Prof. Peters has discovered another comet. Vell, what good will it do him ? He cannot trade it f or a dog. The faet is, the country has got all the romets Lt wants. Hjsalthy.- 'Do vüu think raw stem healthy Y' said adyspeptic. "Well, sir," replied" the gruff doctor, "I never heard ouecoraplfiin of being unbealthy; did you ?" The young Englishman, just over, read to his wiie the heading of a medicine advertisemeut - "Gained eight pounds ia ten days," and remarked, "Hexcellent wages, that, Mary." Tliis paper has the largest circulation in the United States.- JSew yorn atrald. No doubt. AVho ever supposed The Ilerald circnlated chieny in Beloochistan ''-Hartford Times. Scène- A court of law; trial foi manslaughter is going on; Pat in the witness-box. Counsel for the piisoner: "Did you see the prisoner at the bar knock down the deceased V" Pat: "NTo, yir honor; he was alive when í seehim knocked dowr." Statistics prove that one vvho is knocked about in the world lives longer than one whose life is one of ease and comfort: and it is somewhat singular that they also provo that marrted mpn live lonaer than unmarried men. Two young men out ïidiug were passng a larmhouso where a farmer was rying to harneas a mulé, "Won't be draw Y' said one of the horsemen. "Of counse he will," said the farmer; "he draw the atteutien of every fooi ttaat asse?." A school teacher asked: "Wliatbird s laxge enough to cany off a man?" Nobody kiicv;but -me little girl suggstd "a lark." Ai.athen she ed: "Mamma saul papa wuuiiin i oe home until Moiiday, because he had gone off on a lark." Chowdei gol a good dinner at home a few uays ago by telling his wife that he was going to bring a judge home with him to that meal. "Wïien he ar rivwl, alone, and Mis. Chowder asked him where the judge was, he trhunphautly pointed to himseiï, remarkiug: "l'm a judgo ui' a diiiuer." lie vrill be obliged to gec a dinner in sorne other way, hereafter.


Old News
Ann Arbor Democrat