Treating A Cow Like A Lady

A man citne into the office, on 'J'uesday, with a black eye, a strip of court piaster across his cheek, one arm in a sling, and as he leaned on a crutch and wiped the perspiration away frotn arouiid a lump on his forehead with a red cotton bandkerchief, he asked if the editor was in. Being answered in the afflrmative, he said: "Well, I want to slop my paper," and lie sat down on the edge of a chair as though it niight hurt it. "Scratch my name right off. You are responsible Cor my condition. "Can it be po3sible?" we inquired. "Yes," said he. "1 am a farmer and keep cows. I recent[y read an article in your paper about a dairymen's convention, where one of the mottoes over the door was, 'Treat your 03W a3 you would a lady,' and the article said it was contended by our best dairymen that a cow treated in a polite, gentlemanly manner, as though she was a companion, would give twice as much milk. The plan ïeemed f easible to me. I had been a hard man vith my stock, and thought maybe that was one reason my cows always dried up when butter wasforty cents apound, and gave plenty of milk when butter wtts only worth fifteen cents a pound. I decided to adopt your plan, and treat a cow as I would i lady. I hal a brindle cow that never had been vsry much mashed on me, and I decided to commence on her, and the next morning ai ter I read your ihundering paper, I put on my Sunday suit a white plug hat that I boughtthe year Greeley ran for President and went to the barn to milk. I noticed the old cow seemeó. to be ba&hf ui and frightened, but taking off my hat and bowing politely, I said: 'Madam, excuse the seeming impropriety of the request, but will you do me the favor to hoist ? At the same time I tapped her gently on the flank with my plug hat, and putting the tin pail under her, I sat down on the milking stool." ''Did she hoist?" said we, rather anxious to know how the advice of President Smith, of Sheboygan, the great dairyman.had worked. "Did she hoist? Well, look at me and see if you think she hoisted. The cow raised right up and kicked me with all four feet, switched me with her tail and hooked me with both horns all at once, and when I gol out of the bedding in the stall, and dug my hat out of the manger, and the milking stool out from under me, and began to maul that cow, I forgot all about the treatment of horned cattle. "Why she fairly galloped over me, and I never want to read your old paper again." We tried to explain to him thaij:he advice did not apply to brindle cows at all, but he hobbled out the maddest mati that ever asked a cow to hoist, in diplomatic language.