Press enter after choosing selection

A Few Modern Fables

A Few Modern Fables image
Parent Issue
Day
20
Month
April
Year
1883
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

A Man, having been seized by the Small Pox, hung out a Red Flag in Front of his House, whereupon the Neighbors kept Away f rom him, and Permitted him to Die in the Firm Connction that Honesty was the Best Policy. A Humorist was once Called into the Presence of the Managing Editor, and Solemnly Reproved for the Dullness of his Wit. "Your jokes," quoth the Editor, "are so Bad that I am Daily Compelled to Print them in the Nondescript department entitled 'Pearls of Thought.1" An Impressario once-Approaohed a Mulé, anu onereu uim .o.uvain.gcuo Terms to becomo a Prima Donna. "Alas," quoth the Mulé, with a sigh, "ïhat is an Impossibility, for though I have an Ear íor.Musie, niy Voice is Sadly Attuned." "But you can Kick?" enquired the Inipressarlo. "At kicking," admitted the Mulé, "I am Positiveiy Peerless." "Then," exclaimed the Impressario, "you have the Highest Qualification of a Prima Donna. Consider yourself Engaged." A fóolish Showman once Advertised for the Foliowing Curiosities: A Printer who carried Tobacco, a Negro Minstrel who Did not wear a Plug Hat, a Woman who did not Wash her Face with a Rag, an Editor whu Had Ten Dollars in His Pocket, A Dog whose Hind legs were in Plumb with his Front Legs, a Business Manaeer who did not Consider the editora Robbers, and a Pair of Shoes that were too small for the Lady who Wore them. The foolish Showman died a Death of Bitter Disappointnient. An Arabian Steed, having been Endowed by Nature with long iEars and a Paint Brush Tail, didnot Repine, but on the Contrary bore his Lot with Philosophic Fortitude. "How much Better Fixed am 1," said he, "than Most Men, for Some of them Live where there are no Flies, while others, residing where Flies Abound, have no Tail with which to Brush them Away." By this Narrative of Contentment we are Instructed that Nature Made a Mistake in Not Providing us all with ïails, and Flies to keep them Busy. A bent Pin f rom his Position in a chair once Beheld the Basement of a Pair of Pants hard by. "Praj be Seated," said the Bent Pin, cordially. " You will Have to Excuse me, repueu me rawment, "for however Much pleasure it niight aflord me to Comply with your equest I cannot bear the Thought of Inüicting pain upon the amiable gentleman who has just Redeemed me from nis Uncle." It is Needless to State that the Bent Pin hung its head ia shame, while the Basement moved on in the Proud Consciousness of having exhibited a Tender Regard for another's Feelings. X Thermometer once was Observed in a State of Excessive Agitation._ "Why, ,, á-iiA i' irtniï-iarl tiin Kiïrht dav Clock, "why are you so Perturbed?" "Because," replied the Thermometer, 1 'I apprehend that I am no Longer Capable of Performing my Functions. At the present Moment I am Registering forty Degrees above Zero when I should be Several degrees Below." "Oh.no, I guess Not," said the Eight day Clock. "Yes, I am Confident of it," persisted the Thermometer, "for from my Position in tuis Window I just Overheard a policeman Decline a drink, and it must be a ColdDay when such a Phenomenon Occurs." Educa tion calis attcntion to the f act that in the technical schools of Paris girls are taught various trades. ' 'Among these," it says, "are book-keeping, including everything else necessary to a commercial education, painting on porcelain, vvood engraving, artificial-flower makino-, desigmng patterns paintinff window shades, and othcr industrial and decorativo arts. Millinery and dressBa i J 1 Z m ■ i . i t m h ál ITT f TT niaking are taugnt, aun m suuu n n jvv as to make of them fine arts. All the vork is done under the constant inspeetion and criticism of the ablest and most artistic masters that Paris can furnish. Cheap instraction would neepssarily bo second-rate, and second-rate teachers would produce second-rate artisent1, injuringperuianently the character of the schools. The courso of study embraces three years; the literary course is that laid down by the French Government for schoolu of the second grade, corresponding somewliat to our grammar schools. Pricc of tuition in any one of the handicrafts taught ia two dollars a .nonth. If the pupil takes also the literary course, the charge is about two dollars and a half."

Article

Subjects
Old News
Ann Arbor Democrat