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Mr. And Mrs. Spoopendyke

Mr. And Mrs. Spoopendyke image
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Brooklyn Eagie. "Say, my dear," whispercd Mr. Spoopendyke, closingtLc 'or carefullyand approaching his fe with a broad grin on his visa. "Say, my dear, Specklewottle's d , . tajrs in the parlor. He has come to ke dinner with us!" "Great gracious!" . Jmed Mrs. Spoopendyke, droppin; ti work and bustling up to the to irrange her hair. '-What did he corm ;o-Jay for? Don't he know it's wasb C ?" "He came for dinner! Btorted Mr. Spoopendyke, turning áround the lips. "What d'ye s'pose bc came for, to be washed? What'g wa sh day got to do with it? Think the mas can be soaked in a tub and hung over the clothes line with a measley wooden pin astrido the smallof his back? Well, ho didn't, he came for grub, and you want to bustlo around and get it pretty lively for him, or l'll begin to serve up things myself befo re long!" 'But, my dear," remonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke. "there tiothing in the house! The clothes- " "Then serve up the clothes!" roared Mr. Spoopendyke, who ad utterly forgotten the day of the week when he invited his friend, and now wanted his wife to get out of the scrape somehow, and at the same time not let him down with Specklewottle. '-Just put the clothes on a platter and set 'ero befare him!" "You don"t imagine he would want to eat the clothes, do you?"' asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, innocently. "Just try Lim!" yellotl Mr. Spoopendyke, enraged at the idea of being taken literally. "Just try hinj and sling in some of the natural grace you always put on at the tab1 e! 'Mr. Specklewottle, have some of this fricaseed petticoat?' " ind Mr. Spoopendyke held out the legs of his trou ers as a woman holds her skirU and w, tzud around the room. " 'Mr Specklewottle, have a little of this poached night shirt? Now, Mr. Specklewottle, do try one of tbose fried socks. smd a slice of the pillow sliam! Dear Mr. Speoklewottle, please let me help you to a pi e of tliis shirt and a pair of stnfft-d cuf'' -! i made hem myself, and thou i they are not as good as - ' fhat's the :iy todo it!" continued Mr. Spocpeiidyke, suddenly concluding his rennarks with a war whoop, and presenting himself before his wife all out of breath. "Think you've got that bill of fare all right? See your way to a successful dinner party now'" "There'ssome cold shad, downstairs, and I think there is a raw ham in the cellar," ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke, regarding her husband with a startld. look of if asking if he thought SpeckleTTOttle would mind the nifat being raw and the íish a trifle co!d." 'That's what he wants!" hov. ied Mr. Spoopendyke, "Bring forth the that froze to death in the house ui Spoopendyke! Produce the ham with . a crumpled horn that milked the shad that frozo to cleath in the house ot Spoopendyke! Develop the measly banquet and let joy be unconflned! Ain't you got any more sense than a bungholu? Think I'm going to brinothe aristocracy here to fatten on dea2 fish and live hogs? How long are you going to let that man sit down stairs in a state of starvaüon? Where's that roast beef I brought home the other day?" "I think we ate that all up the day it came home," sighedMrs. Spoopendyke. "Do you mean that roast with the queer little sticks in it?" jne same, replied Mr. spoopendyke, nerving ;.;mself foranotherordeal. "Did wc eai' the sticks? Am I to understand that there is not one little dogasted stick left of all t:at aftluent luxuriousness? Lift the Impenetrable vail of obscurity ofF the siwkwie.d bower of the shrinking sticks,"' lic yelled, aait dawned on him that Specklewottle was in the parlor waitiug to be fed, and. that the social problera wan do nearer solution than when he stf '1. Let ur unravel the mystery th:u mgs like a pall over thefáte of the ;■ ppy sticks, that they may come forth -ad fructify Specklewottle," and in 'ie excess of his emotion Mr. Spoop Ivke, gasped for breath, and restin; bis hands on his kn3es, looked as if Le „fre inviting his wife to a little game of oapfrog "There's sonie lettuca in the house, and 1 bought some strawl ones to-day. and I could cook the steak I had saved over for breakfast," murmured Mrs. Spoopenyko, coming out triumphantly at the end, woman like. -"And I will pu's on my new wine colored satin, and we will give him a nice sunjier." "Gioing to put that wme colored satin on the shad or the ham?" howled Mr. Spoopendyke. who had a man's idea that a dinner is not a dinner until it is roasted. '"Think I brought that man here at six o'clock in the afternoon to tako breakfast? Got some kind of a notion that cold fish, raw ham, wormy lettuce, green and a fried eow are going to satisfy the cravings of a man who has just won a bet of a dinner on - ,'" but here Mr. Spoopendyke stopped short. The last revelation was unintentional. "Was it a bet. dear?" asked Mrs. Spoopendx ke, opening her eyes in astonishment. "If I had known that and you had given me time, I would have luul a nice supper for you. I really think- " "That settlesit," squealed Mr. Spooperul_ ke, mad at himself for what he had divulged and tmgrier still as he must explain to Specklewottle how he was üxed. "When vou commence to tliink the free list is endrely suspended. Some day when 1 eatch yoü thinking, I'm going to drive a spikot in your head and advertise science on tap;; bock scienco a dime extra; froe lunch from 11 to 1." And with this prospectus Mr. Spoopendyke dashed down stftirs and explained to.Mr. Specklew.viie that, owing to Mrs Spoopendke having asevere headaohe, they had better postpone the dinncr or go toa restaurant " I don't care," murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, drawing a paper of candies from 111 upper bureau drawcr. "I don't care; it must have been a very important tliing they bet on, when cold shad wartned over and a nice beofsteak isn't good enough to pay it. Anyvvay, he'll be glad of it for breakfast, and the next time he brings a man here to d inner he'll piek out some other day than Moudaj. Tliough I suppose thai 'v'iSpecklewottle will go home and tel] hú wife that wo don't have anythii ; to eat bere from one week's end to tho other. Anytiow, she ovves me a cali, and i in ar that the dressmaker disappointed her all last week, ao she won't pay much attention to what he does say." And Mrs. Spoopendyko went down to her suppcr of strawberries and lettuce, while her husbaud took it out with Specklewottle in filleta of beef and yelow Oliijuot. A disappointed tradesman says he wishes he was a rumor, beeause a rumor soon gains currencj , wliich ho is unable to do.


Old News
Ann Arbor Democrat