Fact And Fancy

The original Plymouth Rock- The oscilliation of a Pilgrim Father's firsl eradle. What is regardod as inspiration b the poet ís by tho editor regarded aj insanity. VVhon two girls meot they kiss. When two men ineet they don't This shows plaiuly who wants kissing the most. A Conneeticut widow, aged 104, has glven out tliat sho will not marry again. Widows never ceaso to be artful. "Why isit," she aiked, "that sinlgn kisses are alwayssweetestP" "I grwl3 it is becanse they are taken sirup-V] titiously." A poetess sighs: "I sit iALa}ona,Is.ift by myself, 1 sit all alone.'-ft-'she would stop writing sho might havo more corupan}-. A Salem chap, who has been iined 810 for kissiiig a girl, says that fond as ho is of liowers he isn't buying any moro tulips at that prica. Cossack cavalry are called "Sons of the Wind. When this becomes known we shall probably hear congressmen referred to as Cossack cavalry. It makes a uian who has taken his best girl to the seaBhore rather incredulous lo read that "Money is reruarkably slow this season. A news item says that "sharks have appeared olV the coast at Long üranch." This seems liko a í-ather impolite way of anuouucing that landlords have opened their hotols for the season. Thero are times in a man's life when the whole sky seems rose-colored, and this old, dull world paradise. One of thes Is when ho hna disoovored aquarter in tho liuing of his last summer's vest. Hungry-looking Tramp to Timid Fisherman - How long sinco you had bite? Timid Fisherman- About two hours. Tramp - I have not had a bite in two days. Ain't it time for us to have some lunch? A farmer near Auburn, N. T., was notified of the deaih of his daughter and the hour of her burial. He sent word that he could notpossibly attend the funeral as he was busy hoeing a field of potatoes. Muslc boxes, wlnch cost $20 twenty years ago, can novv be purchased fo: $5. And yet the cry of "hard times" is still abroad in the land. Some folks would complain of the "cost of living" if pianos wero selling for $2 apiece. The paucity of original witticism in the papers at the present time is attributed to the fact that nearly all the funny men of the country are engaed n the manufacturo of poems having for their principal incident the adventures of a boy and a green apple. "Pa." askeri litHn Joluuvic "An tW always have an inquost when anybody dies?" Intelligent Ittnt - Oh, no, my son! When a dotter has been attending a person there is no need oi an inquest. It is only nocessary where there is any doubt as to the causo ol death. Baron Tennyson has three homes. This is the difterence between the poet lauréate and the American poets who build verses for patent medicine. There may be another difterence, but t cannot be detected in the quality of their respective productions evolved during the past two or threo yearsJ Mrs. Harris called on Mrs. Jerrel, whose husband had been dead several weeks. "I suppose you still feel lonesome, Mrs. Jerrel?" "Oh, yes, indeed. I miss him very much. He used to get up overy niorning and mako the fire for me. Yes, I am very lonesomo without him." Mrs. Brown- What do you think? Mrs. Godolphin has just returned dollars' worth of bric-a-brac that she could have purchasod just as cheap at home. Mr. Brown - yes, I know; she bought it at my store yesterday afternoon. (Jluverius, the Kichmond murderer, passes the time reading the bible and adniiring tho bouquels sent hini by gympatbizini; friends outside of the city. He also reeeive3 presenta of fruit. His relativos writo to him to cheer up, but the advice is needless, s he wears a broad grin most of tho time. He eats heartily and sleeps woll. He does noi believe that ho is destined to die on the gallows. The Los Angeles Herald describes a specimen of the vampiro family reeen tly caught there: "This hugo specimen measured twonty inches trom tip to tip of his wings, and was pretty well armed with teeth and laws. His head was as largo as tho neads of four or live ordinary bat heads combined, and well hooded with two ears fullv as lar as 1ialru'jntt. uu iiiajesty was as vicious and warliko as a scorpion or tarántula when confined, and his bito would probably be as dangerous." He had fallen into tho stream, and had already sunk once, and was going down a second time, whon a brave man loaped iuto the angrv waters and laid hold of tho unfortunáte one. The latter looked at his rescuer in a beseeching manner and gasped: "I be", my dear sir, that you will permit me to sink once more - in tho interest of literary tradition, you know. No person I over read of was ever rescued until he was going down for a third time. I may die, but I shall havo the satisfaction of knowing that I have not departod from a time-honored and reerod custom."