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A Father's Letter

A Father's Letter image
Parent Issue
Day
15
Month
October
Year
1886
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

My Dear Son- Wc aro still pegging nlong here at Iioiih' m llie sanie oíd wáy, your mother and me. We are nrlihor of us real well, and yet I supposo we aro as well 9fi folks are at our I íné oí lifo could expeot to be. Your mfofcbeí lias a good deal of pain in hoiBdc ;:11 the wliile and I am o ft' tnv leed more or less in tho morning. Doe lias lik il me EKtm condilion powders tliat lic says will straighten me out rilit away. Perhaps so. Doc lias straightened out a good many puople in his linie. I wish I had as many dollars as he lias straightened out ourpeo]ile. Klost ('Ntirv spring I've had to tako a litlle dandelion root, liinberod up Witta gil, but this year tliat didn't seem to gei tbere, as the boys say. I iixcd up a dose of it day and night for a week lili I wore tliat dandelion ï'oot clear down to skin and bone, but in ten days my appetite was worse tlian ever and I had a head on me like a two-year-old colt. Dandelion root never servod me tliat way before, and your mother thinks tliat the goodness is all out of it, may be. It's the same oíd dand:liou root tliat I'vo been using for twenty years, and I believe when you have iiicil r thing and proved it's good, you ófteJtt 10 ehange off. I tried to get your mother to tako a . ! , - f ] f Innf ii-.i.ilf , f tl.. -ni- ï i i 1,1' i 1 i i. i yji i l i l v i .. rv ai 'i i jn_' 'ti ii i ni iici side. Fixed up a two-quart jUg of t tor her, but she can'l bear the smell of gin, so 1 liad to take it nivsclf. Dandelion is a great purifier of the blood, Henry. Some days after I have been takin# tlis dandclion root for an h ur or two 1 feel as if my blood was pretty near pure enough. I feel like a new man. You know I wrote yon last winter, Henry, that I was going to buy ;oine newifanglèd hens in the spring and go inlo the vgg business. Wcll, I sent o:i.sl in Maieh for a couple of fowls, one of èach seet. Tlicy came at S9 per pair over and above railroad charges, which w:is some $3.45 on top of that. I thought that as soon as the hen got here and got her things olï and got rested she would proceed to lay soraeof these high-priccd eggs whieh we read of in the Poidtry Keepers' Quidc and American Kggist. But she seemed lrns;ve, and when I tried to get acquainted with her shc would cluck in a croupy tone of voice and go awayi The rooster was no doubt a fine-ïooking bruto when hc was shipped, but when he got here he strolled around with ;i preocenpied air and seemed to feel abuve us. He was a poker-dot rooster, with gray mane and teil, and he was no doubt refined, butldid not iliink lic sliould feel above his business, for e ai'p onlv plain people who are aceustomed to the self-made American !i"ii. Jlc seemetl bored all the time, and I could ;ee by the way he acted that h' pineil lo iie b:ck in Fremont, O., hoving his picture taken for the Poidtry Keeper Gnide and American JEggisC. He stil] earned for approbation. He wiis used to being made of, as ycrar mother says, and itgalledhim in mier inlo ourplain, lnimdrum home life. I never snw sueh a haughty rooster in mv life. Actually, when 1 went out to feed hiin in the morning, he would give me a eold, arrogant look that hurt mv feelings. I know I'm not what you eall an educated man nor a polished 111:111, tliough I claim to have a son lluit is both of such things, but I hatè to have a rooster crow over me because be haS had better brecding thun lhave. So there was no love lost between us, :ls vou can see. Direclly I noticed that the lien bogan to have spells of vértigo. She would have spells of standing on a córner of tbehen retreat, reverting to her joyous childbood at Fromont, O., when all at he wouldfallsenselessoiitheearth and thero lie prone upon the sward, to nsjG tbeso words of a great writer whoso addreaa has been niislakl. She would romain in this comytoes for between (ivo minutos, perhaps. Then she would rally a little, slowly pry open her largo, niournful eyes, and seem to muriner "Where am 1?" I could see that she was evading the eggs issuo in every way and ignoring real object of whieh she was created. With the ability to lay eggs worth from $4 to $4.75 per dozen de1 i-roil ou the cars, I could plainly see that she proposed to roll up ths great talent in a napkin and play the invalid 1 do not disguise the fact, Henry, thal 1 wa mad. I made n large rectangular1 uflíiíSvid in t lio inner temple of the borse-barn that tho poker-dot hen should never live to say that I had sent lier to t lio seashore for her hcalth wluvi she was eminently íitted by natuve to ])lease the public with her lay I tli''ie:'or.' gave her two weeks to decide on whether she should contriluiio tl f 'W of her meritonous nrticles or nsert herself nto a chicken pie. She slill cont iiiied haughty to the lasi moment. Sodid herpardner. We tlierefore treated ourselves to a $9 diniicr in April. I then got sonie expensive eggs from the dicte east. Thcy wore not robust eggs. Thev wen layed during a time of great drpression, I judge. So they wei(' that way themselve.s aKo. They carne by express, and were injuied hile being trunsferrud at Chicago. No one. lia.s travelod over that line of raihoad sinee. I do not say that the eggs wero bad, but I say that their instinets and their inner life wasn't what thoy ought to h;ive Ixien. In early May 1 bought one of these inkvbateis tliat does the work of ten setting hens. I hope to head oft'the hen so far as ])ossible, simply purchasing her 1 terajy efforts and editing them to suit miM'K. 1 cannot endure the society of a lowbred hen, and a reíined heu scems to look down on me, and so I thought if I could get one of these ottyinatic inkybaters I could have the whole procesa onder my own control, and if tho blooded hens wantod to go to the sanitarium and sit around there with their hands in their pockets while the great hungry vvorld of traffic clamored for more spring chickens fried in bul ter they might do so and be doggoned. Thereupon I bought one of the meiliiiii size, two-story halchers and loáded it with eggs. In my dreams I could see a long proces.sion of fuzzy little chickens marching out of my little inkybater arm in arm, every day or two, while my bank account swelledup like a deceased horsc. 1 was dreaining one of these dreams tiirht before last at midnight's holy when I was rudely awakened by a fallón of cold water in one of my cars. aroso in darkness and received a squirt of cold water through the window fioiu our over-watchful and courageous lire department. 1 opened the casement for the purpose of thanking them for this littlc demonstraron, whollv udsdIícíumI on my part, when I (lic(Ar:-i'i! the hcnnery was in llames. I went clown to assist tho depaïtraent, foTgetfiflg to put on my panTaloons as is my custotn out of deference to the asea oí society. Wc saved the otber buildings, but the hatchery is a maas of smoulderiag rnins. So uu 1. It geeras like the kerosene lamp which I kept burning in the inkybater for the purpose of maintaining an oven teraperature and also for the purpose of showiiiLC the chickens Ihc wav to the elevator in caso thoy should hatch out in the niglit, had torched up and ignih-cl the hatchery, so to speak. I sec bs niv paper thal weaiv injpoufeins; 200,000,000 of hens' egzë f rom Euroiie every ycar. lt'11 be 89,000,000 next year so far as I'in concerned, Henrv, and you can bet your littló plcated jacket on it, too, if u wan) i. To-dav I send P. O. order No. 143.876 for $3.00. I agree with the liilile tliat "the fooi and his moncy :re. soon par tod." Your father, BlLLNyL. How a MaiTied Woinan doe to 1! .1. Tbere is an article jroing the. ruiuuls entitled, "How the Girla Go to Sleep." The manncr in which they g to s !i -i according to the artiele, oan't hold i candle to the way a marr'.ed womarl s;oes to sleep. Instc.ul of thinking vh;it siie would have ftttendod to bcfore going to bad, she thinks of it aTterwai'd. While she is revól?n these malters in her mind, and while snugly tucked up in bod, tho old man isscratching liis lngs in front of the fire and wondering how ho wlll pay the next moiitlrs rent. Suddcnlv she exclaipis: "James, did you lock the door?" "Which door?" says James. "The cellar door,'1 says she. "No.' says James. "Well. you had better ge down and lock it, for I heard some ono in th; yard last night. Atcording Jamos paddlvs down the stairs and locks the door. About the time James returns and is going to bed she remarks: "Did vou shut the stair door?'' "No," says James. "Well, if it is not shut, the c:t will get up into the chambers. " "Let her comeup, then," soya James, 111-naturedly. "My Goodness, no!" returns his wife; she'd Bock the baby's breath.'' Tlion .Jauies paddies down-stars again and stops on a tack, and cl oses the stair door and curses the cat, und returns to tho bedroom. Just as he bogins to clirab into his couch his wife observes: "I forgot to bring up some wat -r; suppöse you bring up some in the big tin.' And so Jamos, with a mutterod curse, goes down into the dark kitcben and falls over achair and rasps all the tinware off the wa 11 in seaivh of the 'big'' tin, and adds tb at she would rather go and get the wat r herself than have tho whole neigliborhood raisod about it. After which Jamos tinds the matches, procures the water and cornos up-stairs, and plunges into bed. Presen tl y his wife says: "James, let's have an understandiDg about money matters. Now, noxt week I've got to pay - " "I don't kuow what'll you have to pay, and don't care!" shouts James, as he lurehes around and jams his face agínjt the wall; 1%all I want i.s sleep." "ThatS all very well for you!" snapa his wife, as she pulls the covers viciously; "you never think of the wovry and trouble 1 havo. And there there is '■■ - aminta, wlio, I believe is taking flie measles." "Let her take'em," says James. Hèré upon she bcgins to cry softly, but about the time Jnmes is falling into a gentío doze she punches lüm in the r.bs with her elbow and says: "Didyou hoar that scandal about Mrs. Joños? r "Where!" says Jones, sleepilv. "Why, Mrs. Jones." "Where!" inquires James. I declare,'' said his wife, "you are getting more stupid every day. You know Mrs. Jones that lives at No. 21? Well, day before yesterday Susan Smitb told Mrs. Thompson that Sam Baker had sa'd that Mrs. Jones had - " Here she paused and listonod. Jamea is Bnoring in profound slainber. With a snort of rage she pulls all the covers oft' hioi, wraps up in them, and laya awake until 2 A. M., thinking how badly ased she is. And that is the way married women go to sleep. - Baltimorean.

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Subjects
Old News
Ann Arbor Democrat