Press enter after choosing selection

For Office Seekers

For Office Seekers image
Parent Issue
Public Domain
OCR Text

Henry Guy Carleton in the New York World, in his inimitably facetious manner, presents some points for patrióte who contémplate office-seeking: N the still small hours of darkness now, all over this broad and proudpluiued republic, the attentire lisera may hear a low. rasping sound issuing froiu the richly upholstered chambers where statesmeo burn the oils of vigil and are polishing up old reputations for the coming fray. To unpack a career from the carnphor and lavendar in which it has reposcd and rub it up till it looks aluiost as good as Dew, is often a trying task and one which should excite sympathy in the beholder. Reputations get moth-eaten in this climate with heartrending ease, and after mildew has overlaid its clammy grip upon the panoply of a proud name, sand-paper and acid are of iittle avail. The troubles of an earnest and haughty man who aspires to become a lawmaker in politics because he failed as aWanamaker in business are many and painful. The portrait of him publiahed in the party organ is at once wholesome and gratifying. There is honesty in his eye, ndelity in the pose.iirmness in the chin, reform in the lofty brow, detennination and high purpose in the cut of his beard, and far reaching statemanship in the upright and majestic bearing of his ears. Then the gratification of reading in said party organ the statement that: We present to our appreciative readers tliia n orning a speaking likeness of T. Alfred Perkins, our candidato for congress in the ninth district. Unsolicitvd by hi niself, the nomination of Mr. Ferkins became necessary in pursuance of that spirit of reform to which the party has ever been pledged. Although the quieter walks of oitizenship are more pleasant to him, Mr. Perkins feit it his duty to respond to the stern cal) of the people, and will carry into the campaign all that zeal, enthuBiasm, innexibie purpose, high spirit and unyielding adherence to principie which, in the course of a brilliant and useful career, have made him one of the leading bird-cage manufacturera in the fourth ward. His name is already a household word with our citizens, yet to gratify innumerable demands from all parts of the country we venturo to infriDge upon his modest reluctance to see himself praised, and present our readers with an epitome of his rem ar kable history Timothy Alfred Ferkins was bom at an early age at the home of his parents in Akron, O , Jan. 2, 146. HÍ8 father, Judge Zebadiah l'erkins, was a leading merchant of South Akron in those early days, and his old place of business at the cross-roads is still pointed out as a landmark by citizens who remember that thirty years ago, there was not a house within two miles of it. Uis mother, Sophr nia Maranthy, was the youngest daughter of the venerable Peter Snuggins, or "Old Pete" as the residents used afl'ectionately cali him, and- &c , &c. This happiness. however, like all earthly delights, is transitory and has its reward. Ivext day the orgaa of the opposition comes out with his portrait, which is not quite pleasing, representhim as leaning with indolent grace against the counter of a Fourth ward dive and engaged in loading himself with oblivion and Old Tom. Then the genius of the ribald editor supplements this hideous burst of malice with two columns of leaded nonpareil and ghoulish glee in the following somewhat heatedstrain: For the benefit of reputable voters who never will encounter him in the pohte walks of life, we present this morning a portrait of the alleged Pride of the Fourth ward, "Tim" Perkins. "Titn" has recently grown weary of airing his ily-speckled cages in his shop and consented to be the pliant tooi of "Shank" Wilson and "Slugger" O'Brien, who secured him to run their otiensive jobs in Washington, Partly from the bunis along his well-worn lunch route, and partly from infonnat on kindly furnished us by the pólice, we are enabled to give the indignant public a few pointers concerning the record of this razor-backed guzzler whom the enemies of Reform are endeavoring to foist upon their party. ' Tim" beat his way to this city on a freight car from Ohio about 22 years ago being badly wanted in Akron. where his father and father-in-law were hanged by a posse of citizens for horse stealing and arson. This fellow "Tim" was for a long time it is said, under an alias, but, having secured a political 'pull" dnringthe reign of corruption so well remembered, boldly opened a bird cage factory under hia own name - etc., etc., etc. During the campaign the upright and haughty citizen acquires his record, and preceives that he has been guilty of mayhem forgery, drunkenness, swindling, hisrhway robbery and general immorality, and from being a proud and unsta ned member of society, he has become an outlawed leper and a shunned feloo. Yet these trials are slight when compared with those which come after his election. Then it is that the boys drop around and express their several Iittle wishes all of which he is pledgod to frant. and the party leaders inform i-n that he is not to do any mor thinking except according to the schedule furnished him, and the opposition paper broadly hints that now is the time to keep one eye open nd watcb for developmenU ia his little game. He rallies brieüy under the stimulus oí his first effort. He has written and re-written the impromptu remarks with whieh he slall introduce his flrst little bill and having recited it bimself to his admiring family, listens to its golden sentences from the lisping rosebud of his little one's mouth, and now knows that the lielJisli malice which has pursued him will fly before the flory of his wisdom in the legislativa alls. But the great day comes, and the bill is presented. lt was a brief butglorious aflair. True, the other members of the House were chatting in loud, hoarse tones, the pages were eating peanuts and the Speaker was absorbed in the morning paper, but the bill was read. his comments evoked no response, and the entire thing appeared in large type in the Becord. The ncxt chapter is somewhat sadder. and relates to the day when the home papers arrive, commenting on his statesmanship. The opposition organ contains a brief dispateh alleging that a golden haired lobbyist was seen driving with him on the day before (which is an egregious lie) and the bill is the most conspicuous piece of jobbery the halls of congress have yet known . The organ of the party, instead of being violently indignant over these aspersions, criticises the bill as "a nincompoop effort to betray the party interests . ' ' and says fnrther that ' the public confidencè first placed in the Hon. P. Alfred Perkins will not stand much more trifling." Telegrams f rom mother-in-law and other anxious relatives pour in. inquiring about the go'den-haired lobbyist, and statesmanship sinks in a troubled sea of domestie hysterics. Law-making is a great vocation, but uuless an ambitious man has case hard oncd his feelings so th t he enjoya a de cayed reputation and finds pleasure in reading the obituary of the last shred of self-respect he had in the world he had. better remain in innocuous desuetude during the coming year, for already things are beginning to heat up and look promising.


Old News
Ann Arbor Democrat