Josh Billing's Philosophy

A fust-klass servant ain't fit for ennything else. Drive slo, yung man, for yu kno yu hav got to cum bak. Fun iz like the silken cracker on the end ov the whip lash. The human harte haz cells in it that never hav been explored, and possibly never will be. It requires sum branes to make a mistake, but it don't require enny to make a blunder. Take rum out ov this world, and 50 per cent ov the devil's kapital would be sunk at once. I am allwuss just a little afrade ov those who are very oily; blunt tools ain't apt to kut. Menny people mistake their will for their judgment; but this iz not allwus a fatal error. The pashuns add a luster to the virtews; they giv energy to faith, zeal to hope, and force to charity. If we were only haff az wize nz we think we are, we should kno at least twice as much as we do now. The world haz menny people in it who are very respektabel simply bekause they are very proper. I hav seen sum cases whare men seem to hav died before their time cum, but i guess the grate mase outliv themselfs. How kan yu expekt to teil what kind ov a man y ure nabor will be 90 days from date when yu kan't even bet on yureself? If yu want to try the grab ov a man, let him hav hold ov one end ov a 10 dollar Wil, and see if he ■ ill let go, or hang on, until the bilí tares in 2. I won't ask enny man to prove to me that thare iz a heil, or a heaven, but I will giv him 80 dollars if he will prove to me what maltes a hen's egg white and a turkey's speckled.