Trifles

A social glass- A ladies' mirror. Painful suspense- Hanging. Sweet-meats- Sugar-cured hams. A base burner- An incendiary. The leaves appear drop-sical. gcratch the men wlio itch lor office. Lucif er matches - Marrying for money. i imiiní - - gfiT - A nrattï laundress. Delay loses the hour, liaste the power. Straw hats teil which way the wind blows. Contïne domestic broils to the kifr.hen. Epicúrea have raüier an 'eat style about them. Men who proflt by their extremities - Pedestrians. Another fact- The farfier way be slovv, but be is shoer. The inost conflrmed inebríate will decline ahorn if offeied by a bull. ïhe only kind of cake children don't cry af ter - A cake of soap. Cats in the country have nine lives and a hole under the door. Even thebootblack says hi 3 business is brightening up. What would prevent old maids from despairing ? Echo answers- paiiing. Torn Moore traced his descent from the ark, as follows: Noah had three sons- Shem, Ham, and one more. When Montaigne was ill he eamestly begged his friends to wait until he was stronger before they called a tor. 'Die ordinary life of a locomotive is tJiiity years. Perhaps it would live much longer if it didn't smoke so much. "ïhat puts a different face on it," said the swindler when he raised a check from twenty to two hundred dollars. What is the difference between a well-bred man and a confusión of ideas V One is a gentleman and the other is a mental jam. 'TH have 110 fighting here," says Mr. Magil ahoggarty, "a:nd the firsht man as says three words about it, 111 knock his danged head off." Many a woman dusts billiard riialk off her husband's coat, and a big tear stands in her eye as she thinks how late he works nights at his desk by the whitewashed wall. Doun Piatt heads a column of his paper "Politics, Politicians and the Devil." Some people are so egotistical that they have to force „liemselves inlo everything. " Whoin can we trust ?" is the black type inquiry of an exchange. It is of lio consequence. "VVhom can we induce to trust us ?" is the soul agonizer. -New Haven Register. The worst case of sellïshness on record is that of a youth wlio complained because his mother put a larger uiustard-plaster on his youuger brother than she didonhiin. A little boy, ref using to take a pill his mother placed it in i piece of preserved pear and gave it to him ; in a few minutes she asked. "Tommy, have you eaten the pear ?" -'Yes mother, he said, "all but the seed." A tourist new to the beer-drinking ways of the good people of Munich, asked a lady presiding at a Mer-halle if her customers did not frequently become, intoxicated. "Santa Maria, sir, they never get drunk, but they times burst! A man who died suddenly left on his desk a letter to eme of his correspondents. His clerk.a stupid but faithful fellow, thinking it necessary to send the letter, added the postscript : "Since writing this, l've died." It was a new girl wliowas a stranger in the town. The young lady of the house was inuch put out by her wanting to go to church Sunday morning when she wanted her aid in dressing. "I don't see what you are so anxious to go to church every Sunday for," she persistently observed last Sabbath. "You don't know any I low in