Wit And Humor

Acora on tho tree is wortli two on the toe. II,,v rtwny eggl can a Frenohmin nal ? On, bocaiiHC one egg is 't wy (enough). "AVh-it is home without a wnci - Tonlrrrs Oaxelle. A boaÜng-ÜOUJ, generall y. A lady morally appears at a party in a low-nocked dresi, and a gentleman ia a dress nocktic. "Tonnyson lovcs to dancci."- Dayton Democrat. Then let biiu hop out in bed some mornüig and light uu a tocK. When two funerala meet nt the eometcrv, it is Gmbara-assiiy to havo ano undertaker cali to the otUer, "How =) buSLU038? ' It was said of fin invetoratc drunkB.rd that he liad met witli a geat atfliction, and drank to drovTn his grut. Then," said a byst:u.dor, "UU griet tnust know how to awiin." It is claimed thnt a man nevor losos j. ,., Vi.r i-w! i toiioa 1 j 1 1, tïl 1 ' l'1-" proved to be a mistake. As a cid Phüadelphian liftcd his liat tosjroung lady the wind caiTied iiway 1Ú3 Wig, Mrs. O'Braliighíin : "Shure, an' it's tliú U-uUi oi'vc bt-en tellin' ver, Mrs. Mu-"ins; yon ncvcr catchcd a lie aconaii' out of niy niouth." 2lrs. Mugtíins : "No, Indeed, M re. O'Bralagliau ; they comes out so iast no body couldu i oatcl 'em." An iiidictment was fonixl a-ramst !n Irishman tbr ome trivial offense. Oa beinz askecL "Do you plena guilty ur jiot guilty í" be looked hard at tlio Court tbr a moment, as if in doubt what to say, and then aoswered, "I II plade ffuilty this time, your iiouor, but bodad l'won't the next!" "My boys," said a kind Oil City tnncher, "if you would be Preaidentof the United Otates you must be good and studious." "Who wauts to be i President V" yell out a young chap IVom i back seat. "l'd rutlicv bc [ lier HUI, and slioot an Inlun. Anit the boys all chorused : "XUums our sentiments." "NVheii a Colorado man enten the office of a local paper and stands hls rifle up in the corner white ho reads the editor nis poem, the editor doosn't teil him tliey nerer use poetry, but proinisea the piece shall go in, and the poet thrhtena bis pistol belt and says lie'U cali arouad next day to get a copy of tlie paper. These d&ys no one is safe from the clru-'-e of piagiarwm. Brown went to clnirch last Öiuiday- a thiug unusual -and, upon being asked his opinión of the olergyman, said : "Oh, his scrnion was verv good; but that prayer, beu-inning witli 'uur ramur, x mm lie stolo entire. 1 know 1 havo neanl soinethlng somewhere tltat it was Btrangely like." A gentleman having occasion to praise a khul-liearlcd Irwh womin tor lier good dfleds, Baid tu lier: "Weil, well, Kate, if there is a heaven in the next world you will get to it." As quiok as liglitriing came the reply, with ail the lieartiness of the r.ice : "God bless ye, Mr. P. Au' sure, if 1 do, I'll lave the gate open lor you." An Oil City gentleman who rceentlv traveled in E uro pc said he was at a dinner ono day in Paris, :uid while telling a story was attacked vrith a sudden and continuad íit of sneezing, Wiien he ce.ised, a liussian gentleman, at aoolher table, nained Plitcbeekee, turned about and complimented uim on hisexceilunt and correct prouunciation of the liussian tanguage. "What made you quit the East?" said a man in Nevada to a new-comer. "i got into trouble by marryiug two wives," wa3 the responso. "rell," said iimotlH!r,"lcaine out hcre bccausc 1 got iiuo trouble by man-ving only one wiie." "And I," added a by.stander, "came liere bccause I got into nvuble by simuly uromisina to marry U11U.