Wit And Humor

"When a man gcts tight tho devil generally gcts loóse. Many pastors "wonld rathcr prcacb to ampty heads than to erupty pews. It is a time-honored custom itl Qnincy, Fia., to gallito a iiewly nwried cou)j1u by firiag a camión. This is to romind dioso present that tho battlo oí lite has í'airly begun. So many societies tor the promotion of thiiiga are ostablished liiat Jolmnio wanls to know why somebody doesn't get up a society f'or the promotion of boys iu school without ïuaking them stuily so. , "Will yon havo croim and glucose in your coii'ee?" is tho question now propouudod trom the maternal cn.l of the breakfast tablo. "Ves," answers pater -familias, "and pass the oloamargarine." A littlo boy, watchin the burniuj of the school house um.il the novel ty of the tbiiig had ceasod, starled down the streot, saying : "I'in glad tho ohl thing burnod down; [ didn't havo my jogtïy leason, no how." The Burlington Hawkeye remarks that "as yuu travel a round the country you are more and more impressed with tho conviction that the chief end of man is to pairit pat OUt medicine sigua 011 the fencos." ïho iris in his nativo vHIftg were lighting the candios in tho ti-ont parloi's autl pulling down tho bliude pnd the Kxec-Uior boy i-eportod that "the shades of uigkt were falling tast." Au Euglish tourist at a New Zoaland restaurant, hnviug linished his mc'al, thinks lie will try soms dessert : "Waiter, bring me a piece of minoo pie" VTáiter, apologética! ir: "H'álnt got no minee pie.sir; íins-ionaiies is so thin thu seasoa ve ouiy biles 'ein í'or soup." The Emylish laníguago is ricli i:i synonyuious temí.?. A niochanicin search of work is "out of a job" ; a clerk in the sanie predienment is "disenaaged," and a professional man simihuiy placed ia "at leisure." The meclmnio "ets work," the clerk "conneets" hiniselfwith some e-tablishinrnt, and the professional man "resumes" practica. A very goo;l hit was made yesterday raornkng by ono of the defcatod candidatos iu l'hursday night's priniary election. A gentlenxui appröached liim with, "Well, Mr. , how do you CeelV" "Well," aid he, "I ieel, I suppose, pretty mueh as Lazarus diii." "As Lazarus did?" "Why, yes," said he, "Lazarus was licked by dos, and so was 1." - Yonktrn Gazetie. lie liad becn sitting slül so long that the mother oxpected ti) flnd hiin aslecp When she looked around and asked, "Well, llarry, what are you thUífcílig Of?" "Ma, aro we very rich?'' he solemnly iuquired, by way of reply. "ín one vay we are," s!k said ; your l'ather says he values me U Í3,OtX),0ü0, you at $',000,000, and tho babyat $l,OJr),000." That closed the conversation on that gubject, but next nioniing, as Harry "vyas getting on his overcoal he exainined tlie íi :v pnteh which had been addel, and coolly observed : "Well, I think faiher had better scll oll'about half of you or the wholo ot the baby, and get the ret of us auiiic decent duds to put on." Forncy's Progress invoiahs aa'n,inrt the practico of Toni, Dick and llarry asking a gentleman (br a üght for his cigar, and thereby "impnrtuig to your fragrau Havana tho smell and lïavor of iiis owii cheap reed." It is annoying - very. When an editor is stopped in the street by a man wearing a goldheaded cañe, a diamond pin and a twopound watch-chain, and is asked to give a light trom his iió-cent cigar to the bejeweled stranger's "5-center," ho feels vexed enough to split him open. Ilis good cigar becomes thorouglily imbiied with the flavor of the other's tüo weed, aud ho dislikes to tlirow it away, tor it may be ns mach as two days before he is offered auother.-