Press enter after choosing selection

Wit And Humor

Wit And Humor image
Parent Issue
Day
11
Month
June
Year
1880
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

Ati TllinoU racchorse is mmed Chl cagoiiir!. Of course it is very iast. - Boston Post. 'Mike, did yon ever catcli frogs?' "Vos, sorr." "Whnt did you bal with?" "ïalc Vin wid a stick, sorr." It is a rulo that won't work both way. Tliera are savagea with ClirLstiau Iiearls, nud Cliristians with Bavage liearts. You con't snit a man anyway. IIo wiilscoll'at the microscopki bonnet on the street, and gwwl at the aspiring oue in the thealro. 'Squiro - "üot youroye in mourniii)) again, I gee, Pat?" l'ai - "üi have! lb'ñ in inournin' lor thó batin' 1 guve th:it bruto nui'criy thU dayl" In onloi' to nduue the Iftdios to vote tliu El mini Free l'rcss move that the polls lio established in u ïnillinery btore wliere thuro is u pQiyetuul opeuin,r. Wliy is it that a woman's hcart beats lii teen tinieji less pur minute thau a liuiu's? Ja it bectiUite her longue beats tliirly timu.s pur minute more. - Deliuii Jf'fcc Pres, A youu lady in ühio has boen adjudyed insano because she feil in love wiLli a college professor! Tliis isn't vury coiuphinenlary to the college iuculty thereaway.- oston Transcript. Nobody except liis iminediatel'riends cares ö cents at wliat liotel a man oí brains puts up, but tlie whereabouls of a sculler's, a ruwer, a walker, oí' a prize-ñghtei' is a matter of the deepest iiiterc-st. 'Oh ! Mister," said an okl lady aftcr a bicycle luid yassod lier, "just now I seetL a wagon Vflieel ruiniin' away with a mail. You kin believe it or not. I wuuldn't il' I UaiAn't suud it inyself." A l'hiladelphia sign-painter is so honest tliat he won't touch his brush to canvas, lie says he pailita so badly that Ue is at'raid future generation3 may get hold of lus picLures aud pass tiiein otl' for old masters. ïhe journeyinan tailor who went to Leadviile under tlie iinpression thathe could inaUea fortune in a few weeks, says lic is a gone goose. They looked upon hiin as "8 pilgrim, and a strango jour." lle says he is more of a sold jour than he was in 'til. ïhere is prolubly no liabit moro abiding tlian that of mendacity, The babe lies in ïLs ïnother sumís, and af ter a long life of diversifled falsehood the old man lies at the point of death. And more : A nioiuiiiient is raised where his body lies, boaring the vicarious iib, "Not dead, but slecpeth. ïhe editor of' a newsnaper that has adopted phonetio spelling, in a measure, roceived a postal eiut ironi in old Bub8Criber in tlie country, whlch ï'ead as iollows : "1 hev tuk your paper for leven yeres, but it' you kant spel enny better tb.au you huve been doin tbr tlie lus lo iinmLiis you may jes sloppic." - (jinoinnaii tiaturday Èigld. Just before a prominent ex-oificeholder ot' Hartford retired the othcr night, he got down on his hands and knees and peered anxiously under the bed. " What in the world are you looking lor, Edvard?" uiquired his "wil'e. "Looking tbr a woinaii," promptly replied her husband. "You've been looking for a man unier the bed for til'teun years, and I thought l'd start a hunt for a wonian, and i'U bet I'U flnd the wonian before you do the - Hartford Fost. It was all the fault of the newspapers. They said the new cornet couldn't be sceu "without a glass." Mr. istarlington wanted to see it, so he took a glass. It still eluded his visión, and he took two more glasses. Still hu couldn't see it; and, aller taking se ven glasses alto,íthei', he feil down four sieps iuto au ai-ea, and was revrarded with a sight of the cornet. Bat he is positive that just as ho caught a gliinyse of the celestial visitor it burst iuto ten million pieces, one of which struck hini riarut tween tac eyes. -

Article

Subjects
Old News
Ann Arbor Argus