Wit And Humor

Po1u-Player's Epitsph- Ileaven cal led hiin." I(, is a sickly sentiment that advices young doctors to have ) itteucCi A Piulado] phia aiitiqiíftrifvn who mari-ied a younsf Vridow says slifi is the , most interestiiii relict he has ever found. ïhe woman vught in a shownr ritn her now bonnet and no umbrolla can be persuadcd that raiu was ueeded. A lady for the flrst time listonincr to the "still snnll voice" of a telephone, remarked, "Gooil raoious it sounds likc one's conscieiice." A huíband telegraphd to liis vrife : "Wliat have yon for breakfaat, ftini how Is the baby?" The amwer cama : "Breakfast cakes and the nicasles." A lady boiii'i askod how old she was replied :' "I was matriod at 18 ; my busband was then 30. Now he is twicn n5 old- that niakes me twice 18. Fin 3G." The -world is always ïotérested to know the last wordi of a man. It doesn't care so raueh about tliosc of n -womaii. She has her last word all tbroujjh life. "I should like to see gomebody abduct me," said Mre. Smith, at the bwakfast table the other mornin?. "H'ml so should I, my dear, so should I," said Mr. Smith, vrith exccediny earnestness. A man "ets into tronbleby marrying tvro wivcs. If lic marries only ono ne may havo tronble ; and sorae men havo Come to Stlre tribulation by simply promlsing to marry onc. Troublo anyliovr. Apropos of imttibs. First swell : "T nevordidlike'M-iy,'notneirlysopretty as 'Mfvry ;' wonder they don't chance the narae of the month to 'Mary.' " Second swoll : "Clevar ideaw, bah Jovc ! raáka awstaws good to June, you knoY." A woinan in New York acoidentally ■went to clmrch with two bonneta on her hcad - one gtuck inside the otlier- and the othcr women in the congregationalmostdiedofenvy. They thought itwas a new kind of bonnet, and too sweet tot anythlngt Madame, who is of gféat embonpoint, asks her husbaud in what char actor slie ghall fittend the muquerade. .. i il i :.i tii .,., "As a captive balloon, no saia. "iiow niust I dress that eliaracler?" "8imply by tying a striug tu your fout!'' answerod tlic bruto. A lady taja that a worrnn, Id choosiir a lovcr, considera a jíoo.1 deal moro bowthe man will beregarded by othei' ■vromen, than whother she Iovc3 liini herself. Somo women may ; but tho men they smile upon wiü be regarded by other vromen m jolly greeu to bo taken in by Miera. A woman rushed into tho Fawtucket (It. I.) tVoe library a few ilaya ajfo and eamestly rtíquested tito libr.u-iau to se lect for lier au interest ing novel; as her husband was not expocted to live uutil niorning, and she wauted souiethiiy A Scotchman in Breohin, alter having spent a yc:tr or tvvo in tlic inarried state, liad tlie niisfortuuo to loso his wile. No goouer was he bereft ot' the partnor of his cares tlian lio cousoled liiuiaclf willi a review ot' his woridiy circumstauees. "I had," said he, -uut one shilling in niy pocket wlieu 1 was inarrieii ; and now that my wife is de:ulr I have uinepenoe, so that I have ouly lost threepeuco." Btalwart Athlete - 1 was at scliool with your brothor. Did he evur happen to mention me to you ! Fair Witingler l'roni Girton - No; but wiien 1 was ti littie g'irl I usad to sen your nanio on the colleje bjoks, you knovr. lt was always tlie last oL' tiie t'orm, ami you vvere flve feot eleven when you were only ii tho lower i'ourt.i, and íneasurod eighteen ineiies round tho calí' ot' tho ití. (They dance, lall in love witli eacli othor, niarry, aud Uve happy ever after.