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Wit And Humor

Wit And Humor image
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Can any 0110 improve his condition l3' Whlnhig? ifnot, whiuo not. A prima donna, accordidg to Cockney, is natural ly a tlmid creatnre, for her art is always in lier throat. Croquet, Kiys thc Boston Commercial Bulletin, will be popular thia scason, notwitustaudih that it is playcd out. Ayouniiiau whohas recently takcn a wií'e aays he didn't find it half so hard to get married aa he did to got furniture. ín some respecta the gentler scx far suruaíM us. No mau, for instanoe, can deliver a loctui-e with a dozen pins ia his niouth. A man has invented a chair Trhich can be adjusted to 8,000 diilorent positioiw. Lt is deshjned for a boy to sit in wlien having iris hair cut. The small boy's digestivo appavatu.9 is undoubtcdly the nearest approach to perpetual motiofl that thu world has yet kiiovvn. Marriagcs in May aro said to be unlncky; but tben 80 are tttose in June, July, September, and in íüot aü tho OLher months. A young lady np town repels the domestic slafuder that site is ilactuatiny." "JTor l'in alvvuys at par- to buy me somuthing." "I ara very muoh afraid of lightning," aaid a pvetty lady. "And vrell you may be," replied a despairina lover, "as your heart is mode oí steel." "ilere'ti a letter," said Fat Maloney yesLeL-duy, "from me garrí, and would ye p lease be readin' it to me wid yciizo ühut, that ye ean't be a-larniu' íuy teerels." The vite of a wealthy and retired groeer to her artistie drassiaaker : "iJiess me in suelí a ínannor thal my vularÍLied wül uass for mediieval uilecutious." Miss II. (vho has chosen medicino as a profuasiou) to proíessor, who has giveu the cluss an ox'i heart todisseut) "Oh, professor, ean't we havo lorks to kandle it withr" Bashful lover (to his belle): "Would that i could havo three kilogram.s of dyuamiteí Bolle : ' VV'hy cuoiíaieur 'i" liasuiul lover : "To break tue ice between us. A Bohemian of the ñrst water yraa reeenily lurued outof kU'iodgtúga and iastallad iu & miserable luue room absolutely without i'uruiture. lie met a írienú and siiid to lnm, -JLend me a chair." " Wnat for?" was the aaswer. "Aly ilear sir, 1 should be so asliamed. it burglars should come iiito uiy rooui!" On returning froin the theatre, tho Thouipeona fiad their housemaid iu gnxit uistress, with her arm bound up iu her r.pron. Mi's. Thompson : " What is the matter,? llave you hurt ypur IiíuuI?" Aun: "Vr-w-w-worse thaa that, jïuv'am!" Mrs. Thompson ; 'Not broken your arm, I trust?" A'nn : uV-w-woríe than that." Mrs. Thompson : "írooi.1 heavens! - what is ii'i" Cook: "The fnot ia, nuv'am tho silly bí-acelot, aud nono oí us kiiow how to vet it offagainT A vcry f&shionnble lady, yrho fair ly dotes ou her childruu, and is Tery particular about their toilets, had a aarrow escape last Sunday trom losing üU3 of her darliuga. it was leaiiing out of a thiitl-toiy iricdoir, whea it lost ils balatictí, íikI in a moment moro it rould buve beca dashed to pieces on tl'.e crovaed parement below. Fortuiiately the uiother seized it just as it was disappearing over the wiudowsill. Clasping the saved cherub to her breathlefl ureast, the load mother exclaimetl, i,3 teai-s oí" gi-atitude flowed fj-oiu her uplii'ted eyes : "IL tliat chilcl had ialbiJ ti;to the street "VYith that dirty ciress oa, I would nerer, never hayé l'orjjivea myself." Aisd she proceeded to dress it up in siyle, so that, come wiiat might, tho fauiily yrould not be diigraoed.


Old News
Ann Arbor Argus