Wit And Humor

Pon't despiso i woinali beouiso siio cíi't drive nailsor liann pictfires; if vu want to uiROovm" jrowr own wcak ptints, jftst f'MiTV :i 64 maUrcss doWD amiTow, Winding Btah'8. Whcn a woiuan i'eqnosts her hii3Wl to briiií lioniü a dozijn or inoro ieded triflcs and lic returns without tlcni, slic realizes tllftt i" (lonn-lio lie as well as in politics, instructioiia d not instru:t. ïo edúcate latlies is to let tlein know all about tlie ogios, tlie (iiicnics. the ifics, the tics :md tlie i'iisiics; but notliinir about the ing, sic-h as sewiiií, (lanrnm,vashing, bikiïg, aml making pudding. A bri le of a nionth wcnt to a mavrhil ladv ofa quarter of a y car, and sed: "SlT dárliñg says ttont vomen af fbols.', "Wttvef mintl," sunl thc Wijt WiU h reachee adjeotlye. "Jt an an iUüepewten " pintroiTOsliesaldasliiuialieapvo(í;..v,;,m1 uiihh litó younginan's muid tli. l slie wíuiwd to knovv the amount oí'iis siilnry. lot onc ÁtncTican wom.nn in twentv-ive etrti ratk uve nuiles," bo í an Eii'lish uhysioian. Seo liere, IJoc, vuuiu-' show au Americaa woniana slrct, íivo miles Ion-, with bonnet stons every ton roils, aud see íi slie can' walk the wliole distaiice. Sane adinirnig' poet suia of his best "Upon Uer luce a thousand ditnplessnnle forme;" which only adds nion cni.h;isis to thc adage, J'Liffve 18 l)linl." llow like the Hiisoliiet a gu'l wmld look witli a thousana umipiuï. on 6u}p. Tle let "msfc lliivc nimit íreekles. 'My áiu_;lUer, nover teil any oiic yonr private ailairs" saïd a mother 111 ier daughteP away upon her flsi ioutiicy. "Monsieur, á tlnm-cïasa luU.'i, ii yon plL-asel"aül the daiigtotei al Uie ticket uilieo. "i-)r wherc' as;ed llieemplwye. "Is tlmt any of yoir business?" unsweivd inademoisele, inuiiiiianlly, Uer ïudtlier's aitvieü. A S;u raniento sirl was guilty of mm ti-ick the üüier day, tlie re.lfttion ol Vyiiich wül canse the blood ot ewry inotlier in the lnnil to cur -ilo avlIi Jion-OP. öhe elopi with lier o.icctiun.ible lover the sanie ilay her Huillín1 was eiuunuiuu, dim, o -- - was couiyiilled to rciiKun sliut up tli-eo days or clso crack all over, tüe caiplo unuiüd to get away wiUiout mrsuit'. A luir and buxom w'ulow, wlio had bu-ied ñíree liusuands, rfecentty went w Ui a ttéutieiiBWij wh, ni lus yomijor díró; liad iK.id lier warked uucuuoii, toimpect üw graves of aoar dcpu-tca. AlLcr tncin hl npurulul sïieiice, slie mui-uiered (,o lier c.innanion: "Ah, Jiönes, you uji-lit h,vc buen in tint rertv ikhv it you had oiiv had a lítele more couige. A man with Mi uiübrella ovrtúok au unin-otoeted lady acquaiit;nee in tbc rain-slunii, and exu;iidiii. -his umbiella over lier, ïvquested 1;,: uieü.aireofacniigasheici-aai.oeuu. Ui'" cxclaimcd tliu young huly, takíuü his'ann. "yon wlsh me tu bu your nn-deav." Two sou Is. wilh but a sii-íle uinbrella, two lonas that steppd as one. ■íuiiilay-school scliolar (to the tcacheiH- "DiU yon say ihat Dio liairs ol Ite&ú weiv aü lumiberodí lyaclieiU"Yü8 wy ilpaV. uilay-BcUool sciolai- MVell, Uil-ii Cpulliug oilt a hiii' and presenting ii) "wliais the íiimbcr ot that oneV" 'Eider, will yon have a drink of cilci-V" inqniied a o f an oíd Iriii.ei-aiicciuan wbo was an ('Vullij al nis iiousL-. jxu - ■"■■" - ih.nk ye," sáid the oíd man; "I upver unnk auy licuor of any feuiü- ispeeiuiy citteVi bul, if you will culi ít &$- pL'-juicc, i'll takc a drop." TheNorwich (N. Y.) Telegram taa slory of a cow tliat was rejfiiiu-lv milUed by a siiake. On a waloh biiiif made in the field by tlio owner Ín saw a monster adder or nnlk-snaUo ii close proxiniity lo her, and watchiir he soon discovored the canse oí tiê'shrinkasre " the eow'snulk. The siake rearad Hself, and, le'taing a teat, oninienced extracliiiK tho la.-teal fliud ii the most approved niannei-. i lie ,ow stüod perico ily siill wliile benig nilkod by this poisonona reptüe. Atfcr watchílig the opcralion tbr a tuno, tic ('íitltüiiaii dispatclied the reptile, vhich was found to be of enormous kronorUoiis, menawiag betwecn ibuiud live feet ín Icngtli, with a body as bize as ma'n's' ana.