Wit And Humor

Pi-Me hath l-vi settsons. A forwaru ejiring in 1 au early rail. Au oei-a-r-iiv:'('r cmnot only siüg rs, luil slic eau pat tliem on. The watcli Isicks self-respect; it is nlways tl'ying to run ilBclf down. No matter hovr Dfosperoui thoir business inav bc, wnnlors and lanlïnakcrs uhvays lmve tvying times. Tlie condor of Uie Aud(s is siid to kill its iirey WHh lts bill, and tho nüllincra are trylng Uie simo gamo on j the married men. A youn; laily attenung bilis íitki partios should have u ienrale chaperou until sh" is .-blo to cali somo othcr chap her own. The snit for a maiden's hand is liroUíiht in the Óoui't of oma an picase. Dut when iho old mn orders the plaiuiül out it is a "Sir, quit COlllt 1" Th" jcwcl of a Rci-vant gïrl is tbc j onewho bangs all hei nitatvcss s embroideied uuilerweav on th&t portion of tno line most couspicuous to tae nuighbors' eyes. If you want trt bö safe, tako your o-irlsout only on Sunlnys, an 1 you eau let thera look in all the wlurtowi they want to, and you cin talk aboiit your colosaal silary, and it needu t cost you a [jmmy. ".Too, wliy wero yon "so late last ni"-lii?" "It wasu'tso vcry lato- ouly a quarter of twclve." fcOh, iwvr duro you sit tliore and say tliat? I was awako wheii yon cartie in art 1 it was tlu-ec o'clóck." "Welt, isn't tln-ee a quarter ot' twelve?" "Saine more cliecse, picase," gaid a emsll boy ofeight to lis papa at ilmner. 'No, my child," was the roply of tho prudent fat lier; "you havmilrcady nad enough. Wlicn I was a chili I bad to eat my bi-cad and snicll niy ehee.se." "Well," süd soiiny, "picase give me a piece to smell." A boy of three yoars, sitting at clinner with his and tlie rast of the family, was violating the old not hear i." iüs moLher connnanded liiiii to be quiot, when ho suddenly aske 1, "Matnuia, what are liule boys' muuilis tuide tbr?" -Is this ïny train?" Rsked a travelier of a iounger. "I doti't know, but I should think not," was tlio iioubtiul reply, "I soe i i's got the name of the coiuuauy on the sidc, and I expect it Uílongí to tlieiu. liavc you tost a train atlywheru?" "Dou't waste your time clipplng off tho braiiülies,'1 said a woo Inmn to lus sou, "but Itiy ixe at the root oí the tree." And the youag man went out and aid his axc al the rootT)! the tree, like a good and duliful boy- and ttien went a tishing. Tiuly, there is DO Ui Ing like filial obedieneo. "Joim," s.ud a clergyman to hs man, '-you should bceoiue a teetotaior: you have ueuu driukiu; again iay." -Do you ever lake a drop yoursell, iuiuisierf "Ves, John; but you musí Iook at your cU-cuuistanees au L i.uiK'." "Very irue, sir," saysJohn; "uut cm you teil me how thestreuis of JerusuLm weiv fceut clean?' ".No, Jouii, i oaiiuot teil you timt." "Woll, il-, it was ju8t. because e very one Kept Uis aai uoor clean." Sir llenry Sinith, who was for many years meinncr lor (Jülcüester, when canviissm 111 person on one occasion asüed a uig, dull-lookiug Kssex ftriner lor lus volc. Xne larmer was a line Bbcciiueu of mingteU uucolio inue ueuaeiice and ihiuKiieadeduess, anü Jie -aui bluutly, "l'U vote tor you; Sir lleiiry. os usual, ouly folka teil me yoii'ro iUülia looi." "Foul, OIO I?" i-eiorwd Öir Heury ; '-Uien, my good air, L'ui tha very man ' reurcseut yuu." D-Jwn cuiue the iUrincr's hand mjuii Bir liem-y's glwolaer us ho exomiiueU wiLli i lauga : "Come, lm .oiin-il if LlKitaren'L a üooa un ! ou re Hotsuch a loólas Itüowt; and you shail have mf vote; Uuro s my WUHi UJJOll it."