Wit And Humor

The beehive is the poorest thhig in the wörid to fal back on. There is somegood Icft in Hik world all. The rrittn who iiivnled spotted stockingslost moncy on thom. A Kulé girlj nótléi'w the "lUterin gold fiUinsí in heraunf.'s front toolli, exclaiincd : "Aunt Mary, [ wish I had copper-toed teeth like yoiu-s." There is a fortune in store for the genius whoshall produce aboiler-iron Bhoe for the sinall boy. Bonicthin warrantcd to laat two weeks is wljat is wanled: Two Indios nieöt. Says No. 1 : "Why, do you knów what I herfrd about you?'' '-l've no idea." "I lieard that wïien yonr liusband wns sick and jiot expected to live you went to a picnic." "It's a vilo slandor ; it was only an excursión." Bóarding house chickoii sonp canbé hmdej it ia sátd by hangiiiíj uy a heii in tliesiin so tliat her sha.low sWKll fall into u pot ol' salt and water. The only trouble is that, on a clotidy duy thosoup is liable lo bc Wenk. A gentleman "vho inarrie I a widow ooniplained to lier that he liked his boef well done. "Ah! I thought l Was cooking for Mr. Br'own, , said she, '-he liked his rare. But, darüngj I will try and iörgót the poor dcar. - Troy Times. A gentlemaii sSw au old darkcy down ou a Galveston wharf fistelMgi "What luck, uncleV" he asikc . "JSo . ,.-k at all, boási !'■' i? nn' skurser and skurser ebery yealir." Thcu they used to bc more plentiful?" - 'You bet dey was. In 1842 1 cotched in Galvuston bay soinetimcs iit't.v redflal) iu an hoiir.aud when dar wasn't any tish iit all dar, 1 neber cotched ks3 than twent) -live." IL is well to look at all fiidès öf á subject before you indulge in au opinión. Curran once said tu FaUier Loary : ''1 wish, reverend father, that you were Öt. PeLer, and had the keys ot' Ileaven. beeuiK-e Uien you could !et me in." Tiie shvewd and witty priest saw the sarcasin,and tunied its sharp edeou the skeptic by replying : '-By niy houorand conscience, sir, itwould. be bctusr for you that 1 had the kuys of tbc otlicr place that I could let you OU!." Sho wept, the launcli-ess, on retm-iiiny live sliiris, wliere hèr patrout liad linruated her wiili six. and coiilessed tliat she had bunied a hole int the shirt wliile ironhig. -JN'ever miud," says the customcr kiudly; Ulu-istm is comes but once a year,aud ihat wlH be all nght. How umcU do' I owe yon?" "six shh-is at uvelvo and a half cents- -eventy-li ve cents." "But you burneit ouo oí tliom up." - ■ 'Welf, nippoiü 1 dkl'i lladu't 1 wiislied it betbre I buriied it? Go along wid ye, tryiug lo chato a poor dissolute widow." A certuin joang Boston bachelor, wealtliy but modest, was taking his bith one morning wlieu his' teleplione called llini. lie sprang l'rom the tub anti was horrilie I U boa Miat a lady, wit'e ot' u di-un,;ui.siie l Nosv York baiiker, wasaillie uiher eml ot' tlio Witte a mile away. It would neverdo lor hini 10 caiTy ou a ooiiversatioiiwitli a'lndy iaina pi-esunt eoiidrti'on.-, 1 EOU UlV. A llrj'isaud pardDiis !" he ci-Li-d, ugliast. U: duliusd lila dress-ing-gown i'ind ihei repahrd to the tefephoue imd oouyursqU wiuiout i'earof niole-.uu.oii. Little líob.y, age 1 8 ycars, lias Htended bunday taciiooi oue or two ïiioiulis. lle is au apt scholar, and"he eai-iy promise ot' buaring ritrti etiiicul n;ui;av. At play ui.h au older brouier, ihe ülher day, lus orig iiittl Adam so 1 ir gtn, tUe i-euei'ot htiu is to caus; liiiu lo cluicli lus httlo fisti lüdsiriko hi, bróUier. Brótfiet' Toni wiwiilwut to ï-eta.wte witli his more lonni iablu woapoii, when I5obby crie.l out : "No, iw, iio! Te -iciicr' g.tya oo niu't strit.a back wèoa ooishü." ■