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Wit And Humor

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The beehive is the poorest thhig in the wörid to fal back on. There is somegood Icft in Hik world all. The rrittn who iiivnled spotted stockingslost moncy on thom. A Kulé girlj nótléi'w the "lUterin gold fiUinsí in heraunf.'s front toolli, exclaiincd : "Aunt Mary, [ wish I had copper-toed teeth like yoiu-s." There is a fortune in store for the genius whoshall produce aboiler-iron Bhoe for the sinall boy. Bonicthin warrantcd to laat two weeks is wljat is wanled: Two Indios nieöt. Says No. 1 : "Why, do you knów what I herfrd about you?'' '-l've no idea." "I lieard that wïien yonr liusband wns sick and jiot expected to live you went to a picnic." "It's a vilo slandor ; it was only an excursión." Bóarding house chickoii sonp canbé hmdej it ia sátd by hangiiiíj uy a heii in tliesiin so tliat her sha.low sWKll fall into u pot ol' salt and water. The only trouble is that, on a clotidy duy thosoup is liable lo bc Wenk. A gentleman "vho inarrie I a widow ooniplained to lier that he liked his boef well done. "Ah! I thought l Was cooking for Mr. Br'own, , said she, '-he liked his rare. But, darüngj I will try and iörgót the poor dcar. - Troy Times. A gentlemaii sSw au old darkcy down ou a Galveston wharf fistelMgi "What luck, uncleV" he asikc . "JSo . ,.-k at all, boási !'■' i? nn' skurser and skurser ebery yealir." Thcu they used to bc more plentiful?" - 'You bet dey was. In 1842 1 cotched in Galvuston bay soinetimcs iit't.v redflal) iu an hoiir.aud when dar wasn't any tish iit all dar, 1 neber cotched ks3 than twent) -live." IL is well to look at all fiidès öf á subject before you indulge in au opinión. Curran once said tu FaUier Loary : ''1 wish, reverend father, that you were Öt. PeLer, and had the keys ot' Ileaven. beeuiK-e Uien you could !et me in." Tiie shvewd and witty priest saw the sarcasin,and tunied its sharp edeou the skeptic by replying : '-By niy houorand conscience, sir, itwould. be bctusr for you that 1 had the kuys of tbc otlicr place that I could let you OU!." Sho wept, the launcli-ess, on retm-iiiny live sliiris, wliere hèr patrout liad linruated her wiili six. and coiilessed tliat she had bunied a hole int the shirt wliile ironhig. -JN'ever miud," says the customcr kiudly; Ulu-istm is comes but once a year,aud ihat wlH be all nght. How umcU do' I owe yon?" "six shh-is at uvelvo and a half cents- -eventy-li ve cents." "But you burneit ouo oí tliom up." - ■ 'Welf, nippoiü 1 dkl'i lladu't 1 wiislied it betbre I buriied it? Go along wid ye, tryiug lo chato a poor dissolute widow." A certuin joang Boston bachelor, wealtliy but modest, was taking his bith one morning wlieu his' teleplione called llini. lie sprang l'rom the tub anti was horrilie I U boa Miat a lady, wit'e ot' u di-un,;ui.siie l Nosv York baiiker, wasaillie uiher eml ot' tlio Witte a mile away. It would neverdo lor hini 10 caiTy ou a ooiiversatioiiwitli a'lndy iaina pi-esunt eoiidrti'on.-, 1 EOU UlV. A llrj'isaud pardDiis !" he ci-Li-d, ugliast. U: duliusd lila dress-ing-gown i'ind ihei repahrd to the tefephoue imd oouyursqU wiuiout i'earof niole-.uu.oii. Little líob.y, age 1 8 ycars, lias Htended bunday taciiooi oue or two ïiioiulis. lle is au apt scholar, and"he eai-iy promise ot' buaring ritrti etiiicul n;ui;av. At play ui.h au older brouier, ihe ülher day, lus orig iiittl Adam so 1 ir gtn, tUe i-euei'ot htiu is to caus; liiiu lo cluicli lus httlo fisti lüdsiriko hi, bróUier. Brótfiet' Toni wiwiilwut to ï-eta.wte witli his more lonni iablu woapoii, when I5obby crie.l out : "No, iw, iio! Te -iciicr' g.tya oo niu't strit.a back wèoa ooishü." ■


Old News
Ann Arbor Argus