Wit And Humor

"Tliis is a high-handed outrage," as the boy renjarked wheii be fountl tliat, hls mother had put the eookies on the upper shelf. The boy who hasn't gone through both heacfs of bis Christmas rtnini y this time has at ksasi set bis old granamother crazy aiul driven wy tho mil!;. "Is it possiblr. miss, that you tlo nOt know the luimes oí some ol your besl friend?" "Possible ! Why, of course, it is. T do not evon know what inv naaae may bc a or o henee." A young lawyer in Arkansas, having a case decided against liim by the oourt, said, "Wel], DOW, Til jnst take this case before another judge, and let hini niake a guess what the law is, too." A strollinr Hioatrieal company was at the inner table. A waiter approaohed one of the membera, and said, '■Soiip?" "No, sir," replied the guest, "I aio one of the rausieians." A yery disagreeable old gentleman dies. A nephew, charged with the luiv of preparing hi? epitaph, süggi sta i "l)eej)ly regrettad by all wlio mrfér nAw him:'1 liiHj ri mi-J Rev. Dr. Hall said evéry blaile of graas was a sermón. The next day lie was amtrèïtfg himsell by eüppiag his lawn, wheo aparishionep said: "'lhat's right, doctor. Cut your sermons short." An English girl wants to know how long girls should be couvted?- Ex. Onr opinión may not be vvorth much in sv.ch niütlcrs. hut we Uunk a long gir) should be courted in the same maimer as short girls are couïUm! -wiíh operas, parriáge rides, eonfeotions, sitting up nights, and so forth. A little Oil City girl obserVéd her mother measuring cloth by holding ït up to her nose with one hand and reaching out an aria's length with the other. She assumed a thoughliul aspect, and, after cogitating a few monients, asked, "How can yon measure cloth that way? Can you smell a vard?" ]t was his first appearanco at elniroh, and in order that he miglit sit perfeetlv still and keep his little chatter beiweeii his teetfa, he was told that a big dog wonld bite him if he didn't keep that quiet, The litfle fellow oast several glances vp and down the aisle, and at last, just in tlie most int:restin part of the 'minister1 s jryer, startled the congregatioa by ïtpg up, '--Mama, where is the dog?" When an Eastem man goos to Colorado he is ealled a "tenderfoot" until he has been stabbed, shot at, engaged in a free fight, fallen down a mine, kicked by amule, and ehased by a vigilance committee. Thea thcy adnnt r. is getting used to the country, and when ae kiua Ma man he is looked upon as a eitizen. "See the moon," saíd a lady to her nephew, a biight little boy of live, as Üey sat looking out of the window the other day. '-The moon!" said the little man ; "yon ean't see the moon in the daytime," "Yes you can," tinucil his aiint ; "there ït is over ine , trees." The little fellów had to ; mit that he saw it, but added: "'Tuint lighted, anywav." The Cleveland Voïce comes to the iroui wiwi - . -- j- ' i.p. -f fobie the other morning Spikes tircd that aneient joke at the landlady about tho proprifity of forwarding a speeimen of her hash to the Navy Department with the recommendation that it was the best thing known to repel boavders. - But this landlady quietly retorted : "I should advise Mr. Spikes to take the article himself, as I have no doubt the department eould utilize him to good advantage. For instance, if their cannon become burned out, Mr. Spikes can be used with the best resulta- for any one of his acquaintanoes will cheerftilly tesüfy that he is a lir-t-class bore '." "Spikes" eonfesses the old lady is ahead of him.