Jingles And Jests

JINGLES AND JESTS.

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How A Maiden's Won.

Just a man and Just a maid,

Just a hammock in the shade;

Just a pair of laughing eyes,

Tinted like the summer skies;

Just a little argument

Savoring of sentiment;

Just the theme of love begun,

And just this--the maiden's won!

- Leslie's Weekly.

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Its Status.

Indignant Victim - Confound you, sir!

You advertised a "gusher," and now I find that there is not a drop of oil coming out of the well! What kind of a gusher do you call that?

Texas Oilocrat--Ingrowing gusher.--Judge.

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Household Thought.

Now the pumpkin sets aglow

All our fancies, don't you know.

Now the pumpkin, plump and big,

Makes our fancies dance a jig.

Now the pumpkin makes us sigh

Till our fancies roll in pie.

- Judge.

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A Solitary Exception.

"Our officials should understand that Uncle Sam expects every man of them to do his duty."

"All except the customs officials, of course. He expects them to collect it."

-Cleveland Plain Dealer.

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A Trying Situation.

To have my darling doubt my word

Doth sometimes sorely grieve me;

I speechless sit when she's inferred

She didn't quite believe me.

I sigh, as though most deeply stirred,

And pray faith may imbue her;

It's tough to have her doubt my word

When I've been lying to her!

-Life.

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The Secret.

"So you and Torn were finally married, eh, Nell?"

"Yes, but we're not happy."

"Why, how's that?"

"We didn't marry each other."

- Denver News.

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The Rhymer.

A maiden at gay Narragansett

Fain would two-step, but couldn't quite

dansett,

But with feet full of Joy,

By the side of her boy,

She determined to break loose and chansett!

- Baltimore News.

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His Lordship's Affair.

First English Lord--Did you propose

to Miss Porkpacker?

Second English Lord--No. To her

father. I hate to have any business

dealings with a woman. --Life.

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Didn't Want Crackers.

There was once a young lady Dr.

Who owned a bad parrot that mr.

He would likewise blaspheme,

Using language extreme,

All of which, so the lady said, shr.

-Smart Set

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 A Common Variety.

Young Doctor--Which kind of patients do you find it the hardest to cure?

Old Doctor--Those who have nothing the matter with them. --Judge.

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Cute.

She held him in the hollow of her hand; His admiration of it made him simple. This hollow of her hand, you understand, was just a most entrancing little dimple.

--Town Topics.

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Troubles of His Own.

Bachelor--I've got great news for you. I'm engaged.

Benedict--Well, you needn't come to me for sympathy. I'm married. --New York Journal.

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The Ant.

Now doth the busy ant disport

At picnics overmuch,

Invading cakes of every sort

And lemon pies and such.

--Philadelphia Press.

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Before the Cards Are Dealt?

She --Not very popular in the, clubs, eh?

He- I should say not! He knows when to quit in a poker game. --Boston Herald.

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The New Era.

Here's to the modern farmer gay

Whose life Is smooth and bright;

He works and sells his crops by day

And counts his cash by night.

--Washington Star.

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Had Grown.

First Comedian--Ten years ago I was a poor boy!

Second Comedian- Any change since?

First Comedian - Yes. Now I'm a poor man.- Indianapolis Sun.

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To Be Expected.

The health resort we soon may know

Will be a grand affair.

They'll sterilize its rain and snow

And filter all its air. - Ohio State Journal.

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Worldly Wisdom.

Father - In choosing a wife one should never judge by appearances.

Son- That's right. Oftenest the prettiest girls have the least money. --Puck.

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Worked Both Ways.

A man once sought an office,

Then away with its cash he ran.

And now, with the aid of detectives,

The office is seeking the man.

-New York World.

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The Cynosure.

"Very self conscious, wasn't he?"

"Yes; just like a man taking his first automobile ride."

--Detroit Free Press.

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This Summer.

And it's mostly wet weather

When picnickers get together,

With the grub in the boathouse

And a drizzling rain outside.

--Chicago Tribune.

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Your Highness.

It isn't climbing the ladder of fame

that makes one dizzy so much as it's

the looking down.- Life.

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The Remedy.

If missionaries still are burned

By savage, untamed tribes afar,

The remedy is quickly Iearned:

Discharge the cook, and there you are!

--Lippincott.