The Limekiln Club

Brother Gardner's Remarks on the Wearing of Diamonds.

"My fr'en's, I wish to make a few painful remarks," said Brother Gardner after the regular routine of the meeting had been concluded. "A y'ar or so ago Samuel Shin appeared at a meetin' of dis Limekiln club wid a dimun pin on his shirt front. It was a dimun dat nebber cost less'n $2, an' Samuel showed it off fur all it was wuth. I said nuffln in rebuke, an' at de nest meetin' Giveadam Jones blossomed out wid dimun No. 2. He was -followed by Wavdown Bebee, Elder Penstock an' Deacon White, an' tonight as I look aroun' me I kin count up no less dan twenty-eight large an' juicy dimuns glitterin' from as many kalikcr shirt fronts. De vearers of dem dtmuns aro bobbin' up au' bobbin' down to show off, an' dey hev come to feel dat dey rua dis club an' own Parafliso hall i hev watched 'em wid pain an' anguish. an' I can't let 'em go no iurder.

"Speakin' in behalf of de 450 members of dis club au' frew dem to de 6,000,000 club cull'd people of America, I say to de wearers of dese dimuns dat bylaw No. 270,354 will yereafter be enforced in its stricticity. Dat bylaw says dat no member shall try to put hisself above Gawge Washington. Dis blazin' out wid dimuns am a deliberate attempt to bust dat bylaw an' make a heap of people feel mad an' envious. Yo' can't find it In history dat Gawge Washington eber wore a dimun. We all know dat he didn't. He was rich nuff to do it, but he preferred to put his money into hawgs an' stick to shirt buttons. I can't say what yo' shall wear when yo' go on excursions or to the circus, but I warn yo' dat de next pusson who appears yere at a meetin' wid a dimun shinin' at me from his bosom am gwine to hear sunthin drap. I shall hold dat bylaw up to his gaze, an' I shall ax him a few questions I about bis back rent an' grocery bills, an' when I git frew wid him be will hev an achin' aroun' his heart.

"De cull'd people of America take dis Limekiln club as a guide an' an example. We kin sway 'em dis way or turn 'em dat way. We kin encourage de hull 6,000,000, bablis an' all, to blossom out wid dimuns under deir chins an' becum bankrupts in a y'ar or we kin coax 'em to study economy an' hev a pig to kill in de fall. I don't want to seem arbitrary or tyrannical in dis or any oder matter, but I'm tellin' yo' powerful straigbt dat dimuns has got to cease to shine at dese meetin's or dar will be a calamity to rip de shingles off de roof."

M. QUAD.